Car in his name? Am I doing right thing - possibly dv

[Feelingalone35]

Hi I’ll try and keep it short
We are buying a used car which is 16k
He hasn’t been good with money ( no savings ) and is putting 5k in his parents gave. I’m paying the rest from my savings I had before meeting him , it will clear my savings . He wants the car in his name as said it’s cheaper I’m wondering if I can be the keeper and he be the main driver ( to get the cheaper insurance he wants) I’m just having doubts about this , I’ve agreed to put it all in his name but the last week he’s been horrible to me calling me a c*nt etc it’s a regular occurrence of being mean then the next day it’s like nothing happened it’s been going on years .
my main question is about the car as we are purchasing it this week and I’m scared I’ll lose all my savings and have no legal say on the car. So what should I do ? If he agrees , I can be the legal keeper and him the main driver would that be ok and give me more security in the future ? Thank you

Please take the advice to get help, I’m sorry you are so alone.

Car keep vs main driver explained. If NOT declared to insurer the insurance could be invalid.
https://www.cuvva.com/how-insurance-works/registered-keeper

You should be the registered keeper on the Vehicle Registration document V5.

Swallow the insurance and have him as a named driver.

If you can’t do that, he can buy a perfectly decent car with £5K.

If you don’t and he’s crap with money, he could sell it and keep your £11K.

so regarding the car if I am the owner , he is the keeper and main driver is that ok and would that mean I would have claim on the car if I needed to one day.
What happens if he has an accident in the first week and it's totalled? Yes the insurance will pay out, but it will pay out to him, not you. Bye bye car AND money.

Tell him no.

@LittleGreenDragons
100%

Just don’t do it, unless you want to wave goodbye to £11K

I can’t back out of buying this car honestly it would be awful

You absolutely can. If he wants a car he can use his £5k. You will lose your money if you effectively buy him a car.

I’d be using 11k to get a new place to live wne a small cheap car. I got a second hand car for £3k that fits me my partner and the two children in it just fine. He will take the car and treat it as his own. He can buy his own pissing car without your money as can you without his. He wants to wipe out your entire savings so you can’t leave and become even more reliant on him. £20 a month? £20? You really can get out and live a better life with more than £20 a month to support you. You won’t leave till you’re ready but that car doesn’t need to be bought. Let me guess it was his choice he chose the car and wants that one even though there’s cheaper out there: get out do not waste your money on that car that he won’t let you use or keep it you were to split. He is controlling you and abusing you in more ways then one

You deserve better than this OP. This man is isolating you, not allowing you to work, giving you less money that I give my kids pocket money per month. Please do not use this 11k on a car. Firstly it doesn’t need to cost so much, secondly that is ALL of your savings and given you have no job it will take you a very long time to build that up again! Please please think carefully about this. You absolutely can still say no this. Please take professional advice. Do not allow yourself and your children to be trapped. I’m sorry if this is a negative post to read but I just really needed to add to the previous posters. Sending you lots of love xx

Classic coercive control.

He had isolated you from friends and family.

You are living rurally (more control over you).

You don't work so are financially dependant on him.

Emotional blackmail - threatening suicide to get his own way.

He knows you have £11k savings. This is a threat to him as you could use it to leave. So he takes it from you under the guise of needing a £16k car. Now you're broke and can't leave him.

You are now completely under his control and he can treat you however he wants.

Please speak to women's aid and read up about controlling relationships.

The car issue, if you must buy the car (are you scared of what he will do if you suggest a cheaper car?), then yes YOU can be the OWNER and he can be the registered keeper for insurance purposes. Make sure you pay for it and it is YOUR name on the ownership papers.

You'll never get those savings back, he is ensuring you can never leave him. However, please try, for your children's sake as well as your own.

Good luck

You absolutely can pull out and you should. All your updates scream of coercive control. You will need that £11k as an escape fund at some point, please don’t throw it away.

my main question is about the car as we are purchasing it this week and I’m scared I’ll lose all my savings and have no legal say on the car.

You're right to be worried. This is exactly what is going to happen.

You can be the owner and keeper and he could be insured as the main driver - however, you’d probably find it would be cheaper if YOU were the main driver for insurance person and he was a named driver

why don’t you phone around for quotes ?

Everyone has said this already but this is your moment.
DO NOT PUT THE CAR IN HIS NAME.
And please back our of the car purchase. 11k is a ridiculous amount to spend on a car when that's all the money you've got. I suspect that wiping out your savings (and effectively getting hold of your cash) is part of the plan. PLEASE PLEASE BACK OUT OF THIS PURCHASE.

AND PLEASE RING WOMEN'S AID

For goodness sake - do not buy that car.
You do not need a 16k car if it's going to wipe out your savings whilst your with someone who is abusive. You'll need the money to stand on your own two feet when you walk out. Buy a cheaper car if you need one and put it in your name.

Do not be that silly OP ..please..

He is forcing you to spend all your money to trap you. If you buy the car - you will be under his control until he decides to end the relationship. Stop using excuses to stay and use your money to leave. Now is your chance - take it.

Do not put your savings into this. It sounds like you may well need an escape fund and he is trying to financially control you including making sure you don't have resources of your own.

Let him get a lower value car with the money from his parents. Consider the future of your relationship and talk to Womens Aid

Can you see how he has systematically isolated you and made you dependent on him so that you can't leave? This is the last chance you have of any independence that he is getting rid of.
Your neighbours complain, so he moves you away where you have less protection, you left, so he emotionally blackmails you claiming he'd commit suicide- that was a red flag for not going back, not a reason to stay - then he gets you pregnant again. He has stopped you from working and now knows that once you have no savings you will have less chance of going. I think you will find that you rarely, if ever, get to drive the car yourself, he will make sure you don't. Once all fear in his mind has gone of you being able to leave him, you will be at your most vulnerable and it will become a very dangerous time for you. He could well ramp up the physical violence.
Throughout your lives together you have done his bidding- has it made him any happier or nicer? The only thing that stops all this is when you finally start saying no to his demands. You don't have to agree to everything he says.

Do not buy the car.

No one needs to spend 16k on a car.

You will need your savings when you leave him. Whether that's now or in a year, 5 years, 10 years time. However long you can suffer.

This is heart breaking!
That £11k is your get out, your escape fund do not hand it over to your captor in the form of a car!

You aren't married, you have no legal protection, he's already isolated you, you don't work, or have access to family money!

He's played an absolute blinder here, you handing over your last bit of independence in the shape of buying him a car is endgame for him! He's abusive & controlling!

Please reach out for support!

so regarding the car if I am the owner , he is the keeper and main driver is that ok and would that mean I would have claim on the car if I needed to one day.
please understand I can’t pull out of buying this so just want to make sure the above is how I need to do it . Thank you so much for your advice I’ve never spoke to anyone regarding this .

No. Just no - don't do this. Leave via Women's Aid before you buy the damn car. If you hand over your entire £11k savings you are utterly screwed. He gives you £5 a week, for fuck's sake. You will be completely trapped.

The car will be worth nothing and you won't get your £11k back again, even if you get it declared as 'marital assets'. You won't have a claim on it 'one day'. You'll have lost all your money. Please listen.

NOT ONE SINGLE POSTER HAS SUGGESTED YOU STAY WITH HIM AND GO AHEAD WITH THIS.

He deliberately targeted you to abuse.

Please pay proper heed to what the other respondents have written; unlike this man they are acting in your best interests. This man has managed to isolate and control you over some years; abuse is really that insidious in its onset. Coercive control is also a crime.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?.

re your comment
"Our youngest (7) has emotional needs etc so wouldn’t cope with him leaving if it ever happened".

What do you mean by "emotional needs"?. This is again no reason or basis to stay with your abuser. I think your youngest would thrive without this man because he would not be seeing his mother being abused on a daily basis.

DO call Womens Aid; they can and will help you and your kids. You can and should use the 11K you have to get away from your abuser. Do not keep on showing them this relationship is at all still acceptable to you.

You are given 20 pounds a month and are considering giving him 11 grand to buy a car. Even without the obvious abuse that is a mad plan. £16 grand on a car is madness unless you are all loaded - which it sounds like you are not. You CAN still pull out.

Putting aside the dreadful relationship for a moment. We live rurally and need a car, there is a daily bus service and we are seven miles from the nearest shop, so I get needing a car. But we would not blow our entire savings on a car! I mean we have about let’s say £130k in the bank, am I going to go and buy a £130k car and have nothing in the bank? It sounds ridiculous doesn’t it but yet that is what you (and him) are doing.

But that aside, back to this relationship. You are with an abusive man, you need to be using your £11k on your escape plan not a car for him. And yes you will lose your money to him. DO NOT buy this car.

Your children will be far better off seeing you out of this abusive relationship. And there is lots of work around at the moment you will find something.

This money, he knows, gives you and your children options. He doesn't like that so spending your cash on a depreciating asset tightens his grip on you.

Don't let this happen. You won't ever get this amount of money again on £20 pm spending.