BIL making disgusting jokes about his wife via group family chat.

[Satonthesofa11]

Would you put up with that?

It’s really disgusting the kind of jokes he says about his wife on the family chat. Things about anal and easy access. The parents are on this chat. Is this type of thing normal?

Yes I agree. I’d say something on the chat. At least then she can feel respected by one of you … And it may give her the courage to chime in on your comment.

I was at a dinner a few years back with a guy who was making this kind of inappropriate joke and lots of us couldn’t say anything ( he was a client) so just laughed nervously and weakly. We could all tell it was just awkward laughter. He, on the other hand, got spurred on and it got worse and worse and worse. He needed calling out because he thought he was funny so was quick to imagine that lay beneath our response. Since you can call this guy out, I would.

What a disgusting pig, but she sounds really weak with no backbone so I really don’t see what you can do about it

Why on earth does he or anyone else think family would be interested in their sexual escapades……it’s usually the people who talk about sex a lot aren’t really getting much…..what is he trying to prove…..

Animals don't behave like pieces is shit. Maybe less of the slurs

Indeeeeed! ( re the jokes and need to talk about it!)

Not normal behaviour. He's a vile misogynist in full view. I'd be concerned for his wife and be looking for any evidence of abuse.
I'd call him out on it. This vile misogyny happens because people keep quiet. He's doing it because he can
'I'm not a prude but some of the recent comments should not be made in a family chat. They are disrespectful and deeply offensive to women'
Then leave the group

Hmmmm…🤔I have seen some pretty grotty pigs. But I agree they are not ideal role models .

@housethatbuiltme

I wouldn't be susprised if this crass sexually obsessed talk brother in law and his family
are hiding sexually abusive 🤔 secrets that are in plain sight or something dodgy,

Such as father in law having a affair or two behind his wife's back a reputation as being like octopus hands around younger women he finds acctractive,

Or

the brother in law being like that..
Could be both,
Stuff like this could well Can be a red flag for other stuff behind closed doors or elsewhere when the opportunity arises

reminds me of famous Kennedy brother's and father's type of atmosphere in regards of women being sex objects,

I know someone very similar like that in real life and i allways give him a quick swerve

When I came across him in the past cracks jokes about his grown up daughter having one of the best jobs in the world ect,
🌎
he feels envious of the type of job she does as NHS staff testing women for breast cancer..
He has reputation for being creepy and having affairs even though he is married...

I'd go with "I really don't want that mental picture, thanks" and if he makes a joke of that, "no, I mean it, it's gross"

@Satonthesofa11
She might be even having anal sex in a coercive sexually abusive type of relantship
and being conditioned this is ok and acceptable in some way,

got some hold on her,

and he could be even be laughing about getting away this kind of shit on Family WhatsApp..

It's all part of keeping women in 'their place', and you (and others) are condoning it by not challenging him.

@Calliopespa if the client was being racist or homophobic would you have called him out? And I suppose I ask the same question to @Satonthesofa11?

If the whole family is joining in the vile ‘joke’ then she likely feels that she can’t say anything & just has laugh react to it. It doesn’t sound like if she said she didn’t like it that would respect that anyway. I bet she feels absolutely awful in private & mortified that her in laws talk like that about her. No wonder she has mental health issues/anxiety etc

The family I know who have no boundaries and make sexual jokes about everything to the point it is embarrassing experienced abuse from a family member which they are quite open about but they had a very messed up childhood and there is a weird dynamic within their family. They are all middle aged adults now and they still make the sexual comments and constant innuendos.

People who know them just roll their eyes as they know what they are like but new people are horrified as this behaviour is definitely not the norm.

Pp above suggested similar.

@ThisMama1 yes I’m sure she must be embarrassed when in the in laws presence especially as she doesn’t speak like that herself and is very timid.

Err, no, not normal, wtf!

I'd be raging tbh. I'd probably put let's hope no-one speaks about your girls like that publicly

I’ve got girls and I hope one day that never happens to them. I will not be raising them to be spoken to like that definitely.

I can see how you wouldn't have felt comfortable launching into a sermon but completely puzzled why you wouldn't even respond with "ewwww."

No I wouldn’t have. It was a group of people I knew well who felt the same way as I did about him and we were all biting our tongue as he was a big client on a large deal. His comments didn’t affect us ( or anyone present) directly and the others would have lynched me if I’d screwed up the deal. I know when to hold my tongue if it’s only holding back on airing my own distaste not defending someone. I would not have considered racism or homophobia as worse, if that’s what you’re getting at.

That poor woman. It sounds like he’s not good to her, to degrade her in a chat like that.
I’d have to make sure she knew I was there for her or something. Ask if she wants support in this.

Same. I would not be able to stay quiet if I was in that group.

Poor woman, and their poor daughters having such a vile excuse for a father. What does your husband say?

@Satonthesofa11 your hubby/partner, or whatever he is, is awfully quiet? why is he not standing up for women? cant he see how offensive it is? what about the other inlaws or outlaws, are they all as mysoginistic as he is? he sounds disgusting!

My hubby's brother is odd like this too. The topic of conversation is different but the same type of issue you report where he says random stuff and no one bats an eyelid or they laugh. Last year he got on my last nerve and I told him about himself, this resulted in him trying to hit me. We have no contact with he whole family now as they condoned the behaviour, literally their words , I was asking for a fight. My point is that why does it fall to us to tell these ppl, it should be their family , it should be his wife if she doesn't like it, remember (like what happened to me) sometimes, not always just by being the inlaw what we say isn't appreciated and the wife may not thank you either but if its something that you feel strongly about then call it out.. maybe do it in the chat 😊

If anyone you’d think the mum might say that’s enough but nope. Me being on the outside of the family would make no difference.