BIL making disgusting jokes about his wife via group family chat.

[Satonthesofa11]

Would you put up with that?

It’s really disgusting the kind of jokes he says about his wife on the family chat. Things about anal and easy access. The parents are on this chat. Is this type of thing normal?

I think they all think I’m prude or up myself for not joking around.

Immature is just an excuse for misogynistic behaviour.

Then that’s the way to tackle it.

Goodness BiL. Can’t wait to see your face when little suzie’s boyfriend makes a ‘joke’ like that.

Be a leader. Don’t be a sheep. Call your BIL out on his disgusting and disrespectful comments then when people say, oh thank goodness someone said something just post a rolled eye emoji and leave it at that.

Yes this.
Vile.

What does your husband say?

I also agree it's vile btw.

If they al have that kind of humour and you don't (I don't either) then just leave the group just as you would if they were all talking about football or golf air any other subject you have no interest in.

What I don't like is the objecting on the wife's behalf. That's not your place to do so and will just humiliate her further if she already finds it humiliating.

Your leaving the group may make her find her backbone.

God is he Andrew Tate or something, I'd have lost my shit by now, what a fucking disgusting bunch. The poor woman, the poor kids, as per pp I'd absolutely ask if he'll be happy when his daughter is degraded in such a foul manner.

Yes it’s totally vile.

Without fanfare Id just quietly leave the group. I’d not even whisper anything publicly. There is more power in silence sometimes.

When you are asked, if they even notice you’ve left, then you can make a dignified reply. They’ll probably think you’re a snob or up your own bottom but who cares? At least you won’t have to witness or worry about it again.

His behaviour is probably deeply ingrained. It probably spills into his life and conversation at work too? You’re not going to change it but you don’t have to condone it either by remaining in the group.

Well done OP for making a stand.

Poor sil

Maybe send her a private message /call her and ask if she is ok

Disgusting parents and your husband /his brother don't comment

Is your dh like that ?

You would joke with your mil about having sex with her son?

What does your DH think about this? Should be men calling out misogyny, misogynists won’t listen to females.

I would be having a chat with DH separate from the group to see what he thinks of behaviour like this.

If being a prude is called out vile sexist behavior, then be a prude.
It's revolting and unnecessary and you would've absolutely right to make a comment.

Oh yeah. Totally normal to be talking about your wife’s arsehole on the family group chat. Funny stuff.

… You could call him out on it.

That’s gross. I would leave the group and tell them why. I did once as I didn’t appreciate the gross humour between some of the participants. Not a family group though. That is weird.

Do they all behave like that in real life? At work? On family occasions? On Christmas Day?

I think your silence speaks volumes. Just don’t engage with those messages at all.

No point in saying anything, they’re all fine with it and you’ll just alienate yourself. The wife won’t thank you for interfering.

I really disagree that silence speaks volumes - or rather, I think silence means you condone it.
There are different ways the OP could push back - some more direct than others - but I honestly couldn't just do nothing.

@Wheresthescissors even if they all find it funny. I think the wife is conditioned now and I doubt it would make a difference. They’d just so oh that’s just “Steven”!

But it would make a difference to you OP.

I actually think it's appalling that no one has already called him out on this.
What he's saying is disgusting disrespectful and misogynistic.
Be an advocate for your nieces if no one else. I would absolutely call him out on his behaviour and leave the group. I'd be speaking to my husband about this too and tell him his silence is unacceptable!

Do you never talk about it in real life with anyone in the group? There's probably someone as horrified as you. Perhaps you can gang up on him. Otherwise I quite like the vomit emoji followed by an exit from the group.

@Satonthesofa11 call them out on that too. Wouldn’t like to be involved with a family of misogynists, certainly wouldn’t want to be married to one

@Satonthesofa11 But i dont think you actually know if the others are finding it funny?? Maybe everyone is silently cringing in the background and just putting a laugh emoji just because no one has previously had the guts to tackle this behaviour??

Have the guts - OP!! Call him out and 100 leave the group - no one needs to keep reading this crap!

I think I’m going to regret asking this, but: How exactly do these conversations come about? “Does everyone want to come to Sunday lunch next week? Lol, just off to bed to get in some arse action, fam. See you soon” Just how do you slide in a joke about anal sex in the group chat?!