BIL making disgusting jokes about his wife via group family chat.

[Satonthesofa11]

Would you put up with that?

It’s really disgusting the kind of jokes he says about his wife on the family chat. Things about anal and easy access. The parents are on this chat. Is this type of thing normal?

He will answer the joke like a question probably and not get that it would be hurtful to the person the joke is about.

Just say it’s gross every time

Prob via her so called loving husband

I really don’t think he’s abusive just immature about women.

So the bill is your dh's brother? And you think the jokes don't hit home with your dh because he is autistic. Is it possible the bil also is and is misjudging the social interaction here? Saying something he has heard is "funny" in one place but using it in an inappropriate environment.
Either way I don't understand your utter inertia on the issue yourself. Funny/serious/emoji/comment - you have lots of options about how to respond.

I do kind of think the wife needs to speak to him if she finds it upsetting. I’m not sure it’s my place to speak for her after reading the comments.

Why are you posting on here instead of calling this disgusting behaviour out.

No it is not normal to talk that rubbish in a chat let alone a family one.

You're enabling his bad behaviour as much as the rest of the family. He's not immature about women. He's a nasty abusive misogynist. Say it like it is!

I don’t know if she actually is offended or if I’m offended on her behalf because I wouldn’t like it. I’ve been in an abusive relationship myself with a narcissist so I hate comments like this personally. She may really not care.

How old is everybody? I’m imagining that the parents aren’t elderly? 😐 I’m trying to picture the dynamic. Do they talk like this in person eg if you call round their house?

I don’t believe that they laugh and joke about anal sex only on WhatsApp. If they don’t have any filter it’s probably constant, including around the children.

101 on how to alienate yourself from the family.

Ignore, not your family dynamic to get involved in.

Leave if you have to, but don’t make a big deal out of it

Can't you write 'OMG BIL, not another sex joke' and 'see, there's another one' 'is that all you go on about?' so that it becomes unpleasant for him to post them. I do think it's up to his wife to call it, but I wouldn't stay in a group chat with horrible jokes being made, I'd leave and message her privately.

But you're not speaking up for her, OP, you are speaking up because you find the jokes offensive. It doesn't matter if she's immune to it all. You still have the right to express your own objections.

Ugh he sounds horrible. I don't mind a rude joke in the right company but not a family group with older parents. It would gross me out 🤮

I’d go full on making tumbleweed, totally inappropriate, jokes back at the BIL.

Ha ha BIL, that’s funny cos word is you like a pair of easy access trousers yourself! 💩🕳️🍆

See what rises? That’s so gross 😂😂😂More like see what dries up!

Everytime.

@Satonthesofa11

She laughs along with it cause of her low cofindence and out of toe cringely embarrassment, and cause of proberly her shit dysfunctional family dynamics growing up too,
so she might think this abnormal family set up is normal
It clearly fxcking is not,

It's really weird as a family they are OK happy with this kind of sex talk,
Makes me wonder what else goes on behind closed doors too
If he is that blatant,

What is your brother in law like with his daughters 🤔 then?

Any areas of Concern there at all?

Whats he like around women in general or his friends daughters then?

Is he a sex Creep like with his hands like an octopus 🐙 ect?

I can guarantee allmost she really seriously does not like these kinds of so called comments and jokes 🙄

These kinds of misogynistic sexists comments and jokes have a drip drop like a water leak effect that gradually builds up , that sooner or later creates some serious damage,

your Sister in law i wouldn't be susprised brow beaten too by immature man child husband,

Be your sister in laws advocate,
speak up for her,
For Ffs sake
Don't be a sheep like the rest of this freaking weird dynamics family that you have had the bad luck to marry into..

Maybe throw in a few tiny shoes jokes at him and see how he likes to be verbally violated.

By the way i think 🤔 your brother in law is an Arsehole

and your husband is an enabler by just meekily being a bystander and not saying anything having a quick word
with him

Your husband is a weak pathetic man really

Hasn't got the balls to speak up for it

Like another poster said,

Arseholes immature men like this thrive on the attention of silence nobody speaking out about this kind of behaviour

and yet you be susprised how 🤔 pathetically senistive thin skinned these kinds of shitty arseholes men types really are

When you call them out on their behaviour

I think these kinds of men are pathetically insecure about themselves

@cerisepanther73 my partner has autism and he often doesn’t understand the emotion behind it and it goes over his head. He wouldn’t have the nerve to speak up about any of it.

As for the brother I’m not sure whether he also has some ND and issues with appropriateness or whether he is just plain misogynistic.

Immaturity is no excuse I would be calling teenage DS out about this type of talk

@Satonthesofa11

Why not crack jokes about the reason why sexist misogynistic men crack offensive jokes like this it's cause they have small manhoods penis 😂 sizes compared to other men they feel inferior

Say you were listening to an American adult humour comedian and you thought of your brother in law whether that is his problem?
In a fake concerned patronising way on the family WhatsApp group,

Is it he is 💩 crap in the sack 🤔 type i wonder,
Another words ask about him is he inadequate in some way as that's why usaully toxic people belittle others,

See if he finds this amusing 😆 in any way..

@crumblingschools i think it’s come from the dad unfortunately.

@Satonthesofa11 doesn’t mean he can’t be called out upon it

Well you won't know how she feels about it unless you ask her. And also, why can't you be offended on your own behalf ? It's horrible even if not directed at you.

You may think it's just immature behaviour but maybe it's far more serious. Maybe he is doing stuff behind closed doors (anal sex perhaps?) that she doesn't like and he's using a public forum to humiliate her about it, knowing she won't/can't react. You just don't know what's going on under the surface - and as a abuse survivor you must know how much gets 'hidden' from view- so talking to her and being there for her as a friend is the least you can do.

There is no way could I let something like this pass without comment or doing something. I would probably try and speak to him outside the group first to say you don't like it and want it to stop, as he's far more likely to react defensively in the group chat. But if he then keeps doing it then yes I say you are leaving the Group and why. Staying silent is colluding with him acting inappropriately.

Create a group called “Family Chat Without Jokes About Anal Sex”. Invite everyone except BIL. Leave original group.