Why do ppl take issue with Stay at Home Mothers?

[Thefirstime]

one child, stay at home parent, child now school age.. choosing not to go back to work right now but look after my family/food/house/clean..look after myself too (which went right out the window)

I had PND and anxiety so am recovering.. still have wobbles..

why do people take issue with SAH parents? I do not earn right now but what has that to do with anyone..

really negative responses from family and old friends on my current living situation it sucks..

Well what is the negative response they're giving you? Are they just being snide and mean or are they expressing concerns for you/ your independence. It really depends on your situation - are you married? Are you financially dependent on your partner?

I can't say I know anyone who has an issue with SAH mums. Why would anyone? I think it's more likely that you are unfortunate enough to know an awful lot of horrible people. Tell them to piss off, yoir choice isn't anyone's business but you and your OH.

Because everything and anything a woman does is wrong (count down to the monthly SAHM v Working Mum bunfight because people don't have the empathy or vision to see that people have different circumstances from each other)

Sometimes people worry about sahms who are not married because if your partner decides to leave you can be left in a very difficult financial situation.

I don't have an issue, l wish to be honest l'd have had that choice, l found returning to work a few months after having a baby exhausting and stressful. It hurt to leave him. It was an awful time for me. My husband put me under so much pressure, at least you don't have that.

Is it criticism or concern?

Jealousy

Because everyone has an opinion on everything these days. I'm sure I'm judged for working in a full on stressful job when the kids were young. Had a nanny, spent weeks away etc.
Now they're older I've given up work and I SAH, so completely the opposite of most people. And I couldn't give a hoot what anyone else thinks. Just do whats right for you. Nobody is in your shoes.

People can do as they like but it generally puts you in a vulnerable position. Maybe it's more concern than criticism?

Does your household have an income? I would judge someone completely relying on benefits when they could work whilst child is at school.

We all have families, cleaning etc to do. It's a luxury IMO to be a SAHP in the current economic climate.

Because they are dickheads?

And for some reason can't mind their own business?

And because women are criticised whatever their parenting, family, and health-related choices, so it's not worth your sanity listening to the noise.

You do what works for you and your family. Don't worry about these other folk.

Because it can make you financially dependent on your partner and make you vulnerable

When you become a mother, the default position society has of you is YOU'RE WRONG.

Whatever you decide to do is wrong, no matter what you will be judged, so just do what you want and give no flying flamingos what the judgment police think

How are you describing yourself? A 'full Time mum? Do you think parents who do work can't/don't 'look after family/food/house/clean'?

Women sadly can't ever win. You are working - if someone was to do all the jobs that you do - then you would need to pay out at least around £40000. People never seem to appreciate the value that women contribute, especially in the family home. This has resulted in a toxic situation where women are expected to do most of the jobs associated with being a homemaker and mother, and then take a full-time job on top, It's ridiculous! I'm sorry that your family and old friends aren't supportive - I think you should go and find some new people in your life that are - you shouldn't be surrounded by people that undervalue you.

Why does it matter to you personally how she describes herself ?

Being a SAHM these days is a privilege. Not many women have the choice. I work ft because I have to to make ends meet and I've has judgemental comments from SAHMs about my daughter being in wraparound childcare every day. They don't seem to realise how fortunate (and well off) they are. So jealousy could well be a factor. From my pov you're very lucky to be able to choose this. But as pp say, everything mothers do is judged so do what works for you.

In general the SAHM vs Working Mum on here is simply ridiculous. It's very arrogant for strangers to tell you how to live your life.

I do not know one single person in real life who cares wether another parent works or stay at home.
I do not know one single person who gets all offended or takes it as an attack at how another person describes themselves.

I understand people pointing out you may be more vulnerable, but that is all that needs to be said (if they really, really feel the need), although Most people who choose to do that, know that and either are financially secure themselves or deem the risk worth it to stay at home with their child.

OP if people really want to take time out of their day to tell you, your choices are wrong, without even knowing you and your situation,would you really respect them enough to listen.

In short just do whatever works for you and your family. It is your choice and no one else's opinion matters.

If you were my friend I would be concerned you're making yourself quite vulnerable as a SAHM. If you're unmarried it's incredibly risky - if your partner leaves youd be entitled to nothing and family courts these days usually expect 50/50 contact so you wouldn't even get child maintenance. Even if you're married it's risky - your husband can leave at any point, and yes you'd be entitled to maintenance it's unlikely to cover all your costs. And being out of the job market for multiple years makes it incredibly difficult to find a decent paying job.

And you might say my husband/partner is nothing like that- but I have seem it time and time again with my mum's friends. One of them also racked up a load of debt behind the wife's back, then divorced her and fucked off to the US with the OW and his ex was left with their child and all the debts to pay off. Luckily she actually had a job otherwise she would have been royally screwed. She's in her late 60s now, unable to retire and will be privately renting all her life. Women have GOT to reduce risk. And staying in work, even if part time, helps.

But people DO take issue. I've just returned to work after 8 years at home. Whenever people asked what I did, I'd get the low tone, eyes averted 'oh'. Now, I get the upbeat, eye contact, 'that sounds interesting'.

It doesn't matter that I'm earning barely anything once all factors are taken into account, we're both stressed & run down & all I can hear myself saying is 'I can't play darling, there's stuff to do'. I've even been called 'unemployed', 'lady of leisure', or, 'when are you going back to work?'. It mattered nought that I have two SEN DC & a chronic health issue & a DH who is never hone. All anyone cared about is if I'm pulling my weight by working.

Yep. I would have loved to have been a SAHM, but we couldn't afford it. I certainly don't judge people for doing what I wanted to.

I'd be inclined to agree with this. Nearly everyone I knew who could, became a SAHM, but we don't live in London so all managed in one income. All went back to work part time when kids were older. Only one or two went back full time.

Im a sahm and have been for 10 years, I have one child. My family and friends think it is wonderful and always point out the benefits to my choice. Husband is away with work very often so really helps with me not working also I don't have any family that are able to help to do childcare if I worked. I think the people who are making comments are not kind people or jelous. Good people would see the positives. It's only a short period they are little and it's not like you are saying you are not going to work for the rest of your life!

Do they? 🤣 I couldn't care less what other parents do as long as they're not abusing their kids. SAHM would never be for me, but other people can do what they want 🤷🏻‍♀️

Without knowing what they’re saying and in what context it’s difficult for a bunch of strangers to say with any degree of certainty. They may be judgmental idiots, they may be concerned about your lack of financial independence, they may feel you make judgements about woh mums, they may have heard you making comments about having too interesting a life to work or wanting to be a proper mum (all RL examples I’ve heard). Who knows?