Why do ppl take issue with Stay at Home Mothers?

[Thefirstime]

one child, stay at home parent, child now school age.. choosing not to go back to work right now but look after my family/food/house/clean..look after myself too (which went right out the window)

I had PND and anxiety so am recovering.. still have wobbles..

why do people take issue with SAH parents? I do not earn right now but what has that to do with anyone..

really negative responses from family and old friends on my current living situation it sucks..

Doesn't matter a fig to me, I'm not the one asking the original question. Why does it matter to you?

@MyGooseisTotallyLoose I asked as your quote was
how are you describing yourself? A "full time mum? do you think parents who do work can't/don't look after food/family/house/clean?

So that's just why I was asking you why it mattered to you how she describes herself? As you asked her.

Agree.
Also ive noticed men are applauded amd fawned over if they are a SAHD but SAHM? Slaughtered.
Same as single parent dads... applause.... Single mums... judged.

I'm a sahm and have been for 6 years! I love it.

Once my youngest starts school though I'm definitely getting a job. I'd go crazy otherwise! Each to their own though, plenty of others would probably go crazy in my shoes.

Lots of people, especially other mothers, have issues with SAHMs for many different reasons. I agree with everyone on the thread as to each reason suggested. It is an interesting societal shift to me because when I was growing up it was the opposite, working mothers got the most hate while SAHMs got the most praise.

I don’t care if people are SAHM or not but what I do care about is if the household can support itself without the taxpayer having to subsidise.

So ultimately it’s jealousy from other mothers I feel, not showing or having concern for vulnerability of being a SAHM but literally comparing..

So why are you bothered? If it’s simple jealousy, why are you feeling bad?

Not sure you can know everyone else’s motivation though.

I like understand perspective and human nature

It doesn’t bother me in the least, but I’m not the people the OP is saying are critical of her. It’s surely a possible explanation that the OP is representing herself and her decision in such a way as to rub people up the wrong way, if she’s encountering such a barrage of critical responses?

In response to the person who says SAHDs are lauded — I have two male friends who were/are longterm SAHDs.

One did it because he’d had the bad luck to be made redundant three times in a few years, and his wife’s job involved a move to somewhere with few opportunities and with no other SAH fathers. Mothers on the school run kept telling he was great, but never chatted to him or included him in any social stuff, and he felt isolated and singled out. He’s now thriving in his career, after another move. The other is a SAHD because he was significant MH issues which mean he can’t work, other than some very PT online stuff. He lives in a very soccer mom US suburb and is treated with suspicion, despite a veneer of praise, and feels it impacts how his children are viewed by other parents.

I think it’s jealousy.

Sometimes I see the school mums at the gates who don’t work and I feel it a bit. I love the idea of dropping the kids off, grabbing coffee with a mate, doing a yoga class, then popping home for a bit of dinner prep/cleaning before collecting the kids, while easily maintaining a lovely clean home, being able to keep on top of all the school stuff, and still having money to enjoy life…….buuuut this is the idealistic reality I’ve created in my mind.

I’ve done SAHM, part-time and now full time and tbh none have particularly hit the spot. I’ve come to the conclusion they’re all hard in different ways.

Also this situation reminds me of the monologue in the recent film Barbie, basically no matter what you do you are judged negatively unless considered struggling..

This is a great post.

Please dont let anyone make you feel rubbish for a choice you have made that is best for your family.
You will know the people who are concerned as they will show understanding of your choice but just let you know of the potential financially pitt falls.

As others have said, women are dragged down sadly (90% of the time by other women) for whatever their choice is. You are doing what's best for your family, and that is all that matters.
Either way, women should have a choice, they should be able to work and they should be able to Stay at home.

Because it makes them feel superior, in my experience with a couple of people. We paid way more tax by me being a SAHM most of the time as tax bracket was higher.

Do people have an issues with stay at home mothers?

You do you and stop worrying about what other people think.

I went back to work full-time and have never not worked full-time except for two 6-month maternity leaves. I've experienced it the other way round - a SAHM who was very persistent asking me why I didn't want to spend time with my children (whilst we were both at a toddler group), why didn't my husband love me enough to want to look after me, etc. etc.

Whichever way round it is, it's unnecessary to comment.

That doesn’t mean you understand every single persons thought process

One of the funniest conversations I had with a close friend was after DH and I decided that it would suit us for a short while if he became a SAHD. My friend was apoplectic, asking me how I could possibly agree to support him while I worked full time.
I very carefully and diplomatically explained that it was no different to her arrangements at home, DH was going to be looking after the domestic duties while I worked, just as she did while her DH worked.

I do think that sometimes SAHM can be a little judgemental and/or sensitive. Once their children are full time at school they are no more full time mums than any working mum.

And if you read the relationship and divorce threads regularly they are also very short sighted.
You need to contribute for a minimum of 30 yrs to be entitled to a state pension. Your NI is covered when on maternity leave but unless your DH is paying voluntary contributions for you will be up shit creek without a paddle.
I would advise any woman to sit down plan what they will do if they are widowed, divorced or their DP is no longer able to work.
Always plan for the worst case scenario and life will be easy.

My DH turned 60 and had a stroke, he can no longer work. Fortunately he has a small pension. Even more fortunately I have a big pension, still work a couple of days a week in a high earning job so we are very comfortable. Life throws absolute shit at you from time to time and you have to be prepared.

It’s not all or always jealousy. Some women pity. Some mothers will be taking out mum guilt on you. Some women think you are a class traitor for being unfeminist. Some women think only stupid women who can’t hack a proper career become SAHMs because they think no one would seriously choose home over a career. Some women think is better for children if both parents work and you are being a bad example and role model.

The list is endless.

Is that wishful thinking?

Why does it matter if they're staying at home to be lazy? What business is it of anyone else?

I am very much a "You Do You" sort but personally? I would go mad if I didn't work in some capacity. I also don't like being financially reliant on others, even a spouse.

I'm in the midst if a (somewhat amicable) divorce now and if I hadn't had my own money, savings & pension I'd be up sh*t creek without a paddle.

But I don't really care if you are a SAHP or not. Whatever suits you & your situation, I say.

I’m yet to meet a mum who shares pity.. met many SAHD who seem to be viewed very differently

As are working Dads. Men are always viewed differently.

Nobody really cares. But I tend to think of SAHM as being someone caring younger children during the day so maybe they’re taken by surprise that yours are at school? Anyway, you do what works for your family (and you). Wouldn’t be for me but I’m sure loads of women would love to be in your position.

@Alwaystransforming absolutely the fuckers 😂