Getting Married but already living in my house

[suziesue45]

I need a bit of advice as the internet law seems a bit fuzzy.

Myself and my partner are getting married soon. I bought my house many many years ago and have been living in it with my kids since then. My partner has just moved in with me before the wedding and is wanting to make big changes to the house both structural and decorative. Its taken me a while to get used to the idea of us living together and thats why its taken me so long to agree to it and to accept his proposal.

I dont want him on the deeds to my home as it is mine, I've paid for everything to do with the house including a new central heating system just before christmas. He has not asked to be put on the deeds but he is wanting to make structural changes (new fence as he doesnt like the one we have even though theres nothing wrong with it, new patio as again he doesnt like stone etc) Not only can we not afford this right now but he has already had workmen out giving quotes while I've been at work.

He has also made some comments where he'd like us to get our own house and I've asked what we would use as the deposit and he said for me to sell my house and use that as he has no equity anywhere (he currently house shares with his friends).

I'm a bit concerned about the money side of things as I've always said that my home will belong to my kids when I go as they have lived in it most of their lives and I paid for the whole things.

Ive no idea what I need to do, are pre nups worth it?

Marriage will invalidate your will. You would have to make a new will and good legal advice would be very wise.
Alternatively just don't marry him. He sounds like he's after your assets and controlling you. Run for the hills.

I think if you’re getting married then you should be willing to pool your resources and see yourselves as one family unit. Your reasons for not wanting to do this are valid, but then I don’t think you should be getting married.

Once you get married he could be entitled to the house...

OP he is living in a house share, but owns a business. Is the business not doing well? Can he even afford to pay towards a house if you buy one together? What are his finances like, does he have savings?

I would not risk your children's financial security. Why not just live apart and keep dating, you have so much to lose here.

Depends where in the U.k the person is.

The law is different in different places - so Scottish law on this is not the same as English. Op for full advice you would need to say which part of the U.K. you are in.

"He has his own business and has a will where his business partner gets that if anything was to happen to him!"

OMG! Is this for real? So he stands to gain 50% home, whereas even through he has a business, if anything happens to him- you get nothing.

Priceless!

Yes he will. It becomes a marital asset.

Please get legal advice and don’t let him pay for any major works on the property as it is a way to establish a financial interest.

Second an asset (like a house) acquired before marriage is not a matrimonal asset, it is often a 50/50 spilt on anything acquired during the marriage.
To be fair it does depend on which country OP is in. England and Wales allows for children to be disinherited but Scotland doesn't. I might be wrong but I thought E/W didn't have the pre and post marriage differences either hence the talk of prenups and ring fencing.

See a solicitor el pronto. You might be able to do a deed of trust to ringfence your assets, any legal eagles here to expand?
He sounds mercenary, avoid!!

DO NOT MARRY HIM AND LET HIM TAKE AWAY YOUR KIDS INHERITANCE!

If you are marrying him you are combining assets and financially supporting each other. If you don't want to do this then don't get married (but then don't expect the relationship to continue - there are plenty of threads on here by women in your partner's position told to leave the relationship if he's not prepared to commit financially via marriage)

You MUST change your will on marriage. Your original won’t be valid.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩no!

But if he divorces her then her new will wont be valid either. She won't have a whole house to gift away to her children for a start...

OP, no matter how many hoops you jump through legally the end result will always be the same. He will benefit massively from marriage, you and the children won't.

Oh I agree with everyone she shouldn’t marry him!

Bringing builders in behind my back would give me the absolute rage!!

He is a great step-father to my kids and they love him to bits as he has a lot of time for them.

Well that's nice - and possibly, also very shrewd of him (albeit possibly subconsciously)

As ppssay, voice your concerns. If he dismisses them and pushes back that's a bad sign. If he says "I understand why you would have these concerns, of course you will always put the children first. Perhaps youd be happier if we didn't marry and you stayed in charge of all the decisions around the house? That's fine, I love you just as much married or not, I just want to be with you"- well that might be a bit different .

As others have said, marriage makes any previous wills invalid.

Honestly, I don't like the sound of this man. He has moved in and immediately wants changes to your house that you've worked so hard to have. Not only do you not want the changes (and why would you?) but he can't afford to pay for them anyway. So what... does that mean he thinks you should pay for them?

And he's full of bright ideas about what to do with your money, isn't he? He wants you to sell up and use the equity on a joint house. What's he bringing to the table? He shares a rental with his mates. He has no money. He's got plans for yours when he should be planning on being more solvent himself.

As you get older the more you realise how important money and security is. There isn't any way on this earth I'd marry that man and give him any rights to my home and my children's future.

Not only can we not afford this right now but he has already had workmen out giving quotes while I've been at work.

WTF!

OP, don’t marry him-you’re mad if you do. You have everything to lose here.

Ah dear god
If you marry him
He will own half of your house in a divorce
So make sure you really really want this , because he will walk away with half of everything you have if you divorced
And you will walk away with half of the nothing he has ..

The only stability marriage will provide will be to him.

Sounds like his behaviour is already destabilising you!

Do you think he wants to marry you for love @suziesue45 , bearing in mind they can be very believable; bearing in mind what he has said and done already and bearing in mind the doubts you are having?

Absolutely do not get married. I saw a friend lose half her valuable mortgage free house to a grabby twat she moved in and stupidly married. She's now in rented. Protect yourself and your children and do not marry this man.

Fuck me, he saw you coming didn't he?!

As others have said, by marrying him you're effectively giving him half your house in the case of a divorce, as you've already been in a relationship for a while.

Your current will becomes invalid on marriage so if you die, you'll be deemed intestate and he'll get the lot, your children won't get anything. And he won't have to look after them if you die.

Tell me you don't care about your children without telling me you don't care about them.

Yes, don't marry him. This will probably spell the end of your relationship, but you've been together 5 years anyway. It's staggering that he's saved nothing!

My DM let my stepdad (who was before that a tenant in her house) move solely in with him and he did works to the house. Luckily she didn't marry him and he's not on the deeds. Protect your asset for your kids.