Getting Married but already living in my house

[suziesue45]

I need a bit of advice as the internet law seems a bit fuzzy.

Myself and my partner are getting married soon. I bought my house many many years ago and have been living in it with my kids since then. My partner has just moved in with me before the wedding and is wanting to make big changes to the house both structural and decorative. Its taken me a while to get used to the idea of us living together and thats why its taken me so long to agree to it and to accept his proposal.

I dont want him on the deeds to my home as it is mine, I've paid for everything to do with the house including a new central heating system just before christmas. He has not asked to be put on the deeds but he is wanting to make structural changes (new fence as he doesnt like the one we have even though theres nothing wrong with it, new patio as again he doesnt like stone etc) Not only can we not afford this right now but he has already had workmen out giving quotes while I've been at work.

He has also made some comments where he'd like us to get our own house and I've asked what we would use as the deposit and he said for me to sell my house and use that as he has no equity anywhere (he currently house shares with his friends).

I'm a bit concerned about the money side of things as I've always said that my home will belong to my kids when I go as they have lived in it most of their lives and I paid for the whole things.

Ive no idea what I need to do, are pre nups worth it?

Don't get married.

Don't marry him.

Maybe speak to a lawyer. Maybe you can ring fence property that you own before marriage. Are you sure you want to marry him?

Does he contribute to household bills and chores at present?
Has he saved for the wedding?
Lots of red flags in your OP

Don't get married - and move him back out. He has no respect for your home or you. He sees it as an entitlement to your equity.

As he is doing this before you're even married , I dread to think what changes he'll want afterwards , and that doesn't mean just structural and decorative .

Massive red flags there, he's like a dog marking territory.

Omg please don't let him move in or get married.

You need to go see a solicitor and get your house ring fenced and make a will making sure that your house goes to your children.

Not sure that pre-nups are legal in the UK but a laywer/solicitor will be able to advise and make sure your property is safe.

Surely you are aware that he is not entitled to do anything if you remain unmarried, but if you do, he is.

If that is what you want then get married. If not, stay single and live apart.

Once you are married then deeds or not he will be entitled to 50%.

Also even if you remain unmarried, if he is going to do substantial work to the house he will still likely have a case for having a financial interest in the house.

Thanks everyone, I have been having second thoughts about marrying him recently too as he's becoming very difficult and I feel like I have to include him in every decision I make about the house but he doesnt do the same. He does pay half the bills and food etc now he's moved in but didnt when he had his own place which is reasonable I think as he wasnt staying at mine too often.

I just dont want him making decisions without talking to me about them and also the house doesnt belong to him. I've told him no about the fence due to being in a conservation area and the fence we have is one of the handful we are allowed.

If you get married then depending on what happens in the marriage he could claim some of the assets which are currently just yours.

So if you have children together for example, and then get divorced, the courts will consider all assets as part of the marriage and it won't matter who owns them. Their focus will be on making sure the children have somewhere to live.

If there are no children, and it is a short marriage then the courts usually aim to put people back in the position they were before the marriage. However this is not guaranteed.

If you want to keep your house as yours you need to not get married.

Don't marry him. He sees you as a cash cow. More importantly, even though this is your house and you paid for it he is getting quotes for work you don't want done and can't afford whilst you are at work.

He does't have any right to make structural changes to your house - but he's muscling his way in with his eye on your finances. He will have a claim on it if you marry as it becomes a shared asset. Don't marry or your kids will lose out.

I wrote a will when my second child was born leaving everything to both my kids so if I dont change that will he still have a claim on the house?

In your position, I wouldn't marry him. His behaviour is really disrespectful. I'd want him to move out and I'd be reconsidering the relationship.

With respect to pre-nups - courts will take them into account but have the right to override them if necessary.

(U.K. only)

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Agree he sounds like he's marking his territory. See a solicitor and make sure you write a will and know your legal options BEFORE you marry him.

Yes. If you marry him it becomes a marital asset. Don't marry him.

Marriage invalidates previous wills.

So your pre-marriage will would not stand.

You'd need to make a new one.

Your current will becomes invalid when you get married.
I wouldnt be getting married in your situation

He’s had quotes for work you don’t want on a hose that you own. Not to mention his plans to sell it on and get himself a (half) house. Are you actually hearing what he’s telling you. It would be bad enough if he’s been there for years, but he’s just moved in?

Seriously move him out, put the marriage plans on hold. If he’s at all decent he’ll understand your concerns, and look to what he can do to alleviate them practically. If not bullet dodged.

We dont (and never will) have kids together. Both my kids I had from my previous marriage which ended 14 years ago, thats when I bought my house and have just paid off my mortgage as I do have a decent job luckily.

A will only applies when you are dead. If you marry him then divorce a few years down the line, the house is a marital asset.

There is also the possibility he could contest your will if he could prove he was dependent on you and leaving your house to your children would make him homeless.

I would call off the wedding. He has no rights as an unmarried partner.

No, pre-nups aren't worth it, the only way to prevent him taking half your equity in the house is to NOT MARRY HIM.

He lived in a house-share and now has his feet under your table and is getting builders in to quote on work that you can't afford and you don't particularly want?? 🚩🚩🚩

Do your DC even want to live with this man? Has his presence in the house enhanced their life at all?

Do they mind that you're effectively giving 50% of their future inheritance to him when you marry him?

What are your reasons for marrying him? How long had you been together before he moved in?

If you split up with him tomorrow, would he be able to support himself financially in his own place? If not, why do you think he likes living at yours so much?

@suziesue45 if you marry i'm pretty sure that invalidates any will you have made previously. You need to speak to a solicitor asap re your options