Getting Married but already living in my house

[suziesue45]

I need a bit of advice as the internet law seems a bit fuzzy.

Myself and my partner are getting married soon. I bought my house many many years ago and have been living in it with my kids since then. My partner has just moved in with me before the wedding and is wanting to make big changes to the house both structural and decorative. Its taken me a while to get used to the idea of us living together and thats why its taken me so long to agree to it and to accept his proposal.

I dont want him on the deeds to my home as it is mine, I've paid for everything to do with the house including a new central heating system just before christmas. He has not asked to be put on the deeds but he is wanting to make structural changes (new fence as he doesnt like the one we have even though theres nothing wrong with it, new patio as again he doesnt like stone etc) Not only can we not afford this right now but he has already had workmen out giving quotes while I've been at work.

He has also made some comments where he'd like us to get our own house and I've asked what we would use as the deposit and he said for me to sell my house and use that as he has no equity anywhere (he currently house shares with his friends).

I'm a bit concerned about the money side of things as I've always said that my home will belong to my kids when I go as they have lived in it most of their lives and I paid for the whole things.

Ive no idea what I need to do, are pre nups worth it?

It is isn't it. Totally sleep walking into it.

Marriage is a legal contract to protect (usually) a woman, again usually after children, from being financially destitute should they split. It's not so long ago women weren't allowed to work once married.

If you don't need to provide financial protection to him for loss of pension rights, or lack of money during maternity leave for joint children, or having to work parttime due to joint childcare, then there is no reason to go forward with a financial contract, ie marriage.

Your will won't be valid after your marriage.

Don't marry him!

@suziesue45

Speak to a lawyer. Don't just take MN advice on that.
My understanding is that "tenants in common" would protect your share if you are not married - but once you are married, and especially if that marriage has lasted over 5 years - all bets are off.

Simple googling tell you as much, but DO get your own legal advice:
"Whether your home is owned jointly or you and your ex have opted for tenants in common, it will have no bearing on the financial agreement of your divorce. All assets will be divided in a way that your legal advisers and the court agree is fair."

No one expects to divorce or die. No one expects the worst of people. Yet, time and again things happen. So - better to plan and protect your kid.

Also - I'd be very cautious of a grown up man who has nothing to his name. Why has he not saved anything to a house deposit???? All great he is nice step parent. But - seriously.

Love aside - why are you marrying him??? Whose idea is it? He - benefits enormously, you only lose.

I have assets post divorce. And have kids. Unless my partner would bring a comparable asset pot to it - I am not marrying him. There are no benefits. We are not going to have kids together, so why complicate finances?

Why would you marry in this situation?

Do not get married.
Absolutely no need.
He's a CF in my opinion.

If you get a divorce then yes, the house will be considered a marital asset.

With respect to the wills:

This is a common situation for second marriages/relstionships.

A standard solution is that you write a new will which leaves the house to your children but your partner/husband has a life interest in the house, so he can live there while he is alive. He isn't allowed to sell the house.

There are other solutions. A lawyer will be able to sort this out (relatively) cheaply.

Sorry, I should have clarified.

There are two things you are worried about, one if you die before your partner and so he inherits the house and then when he dies does not leave anything to your kids.

This situation can be planned for by you writing a will with a lawyer that leaves him a life interest.

Two if you marry him and then later divorce, that he will have a claim to your assets. The new will won't solve that problem.

the house doesnt belong to him.

It will when you marry him. I wouldn't. There's nothing in it for you except risk of losing everything you've built up. With some guys that would be a risk worth taking but they'd be bringing more to it. This guy only stands to gain at your expense.

I wouldn't marry him. I wouldn't do any change I can't afford and I don't like and I wouldn't let him dictate stuff in my life or my kids life.
You are the goose of the golden eggs for him.

Why would marrying him give you more stability?

You’re potentially taking your kids inheritance away from them.

Can’t you keep him as a boyfriend? I wouldn’t want to live with him.

Don’t marry him. He will take half of everything.

you shouldn’t be marrying this man unless you are 100% certain and happy.

if you do decide to move forward one day you must make it crystal clear that your house is your house not his and that if you do sell it to purchase a property together you will be getting legal papers written up to clarify what you put into the house and that he won’t be able to touch that percentage if you split.

I echo everyone else - don't marry him. You've absolutely nothing to gain and literally everything to lose once you're married.

"it was for our long term future together and for my kids so they had a bit of stability."

Eh? You'd literally be removing the stability your kids already have by marrying him!

Goodness me, the utter tripe women fall for in the name of fairytales and romance is terrifying.

I would suggest that you do not marry, that you rewrite your will leaving your house to your DC's with your partner to continue to live in the property for life ( should you pre decease him ) or until he takes another partner. I wouldn't consider buying a property with him without your contribution/stake being properly ring fenced.
You obviously love him a great deal but do not let this blind you to what is best for you and your children. See how your relationship develops after living together for a few years, before making any decisions that may be financially detrimental for you and your DC's.

1. Don't marry him

1. What is the rush? They say you don't know someone properly until you live with them. He has only just moved in. You may find he drives you up the wall. No need to rush into marriage.

I think you need to be brave here. It is hard telling everyone the wedding is off. But it is a lot harder to extricate yourself from a marriage.

I wouldn't even do it if you have similar assets as by default all your assets will go to your spouse on death and they may remarry and then die first or even just change their will and your children would get nothing.

This. Getting people in to quote whilst you are at work without your knowledge is deceitful. You could buy a new house tenants in common and with you buying a bigger share due to equity you have built up. As things stand don't get married and personally I'd tell him it's not working out and move him out. He's pressuring you and it's not attractive.

Yes a marriage negates any will you previously made. As a husband he will be entitled to a share even if not in your will. You need a new will after a marriage anyway.

Please don't marry him. He sounds terrifying.

Why on earth are you getting married?

The only person who is going to benefit financially from this is your DP.

He is already pushing to sell the home and buy another one. You need to think about yourself and your DC. You've already been through one divorce, just because he's good to you and a nice guy to the kids is no reason to get married.

You are putting yourself and your children at financial risk if you marry him.

Things can go downhill very quickly where money is concerned. If you marry him he will be entitled to 50% of your home, the fact that he wants to sell up and buy another home is really marking his territory.

Already he's throwing his weight around and not discussing changes to YOUR home!

You are putting yourself and your DC in a weaker financial position by getting married.

As everyone says, please do NOT marry this man. Look at him planting his size 10s under the table and throwing his weight around before you’ve even been up the aisle. The cheek of it! You are in a brilliant position right now. You have growing kids, freedom, a house you own outright for them to inherit one day and a good job - presumably with a decent pension. You risk ending up losing your house to pay him off, losing a chunk of your pension, losing your independence and paying a fortune to divorce. He’s got literally nothing to lose. Keep him as a boyfriend if you want, but don’t get into a legal contract- which is what marriage is - with this man. To be honest, I’d tell him that cohabitation isn’t working for your family and you want to live separately. His reaction to that will tell you a lot about where this is going.

Some bad advice here.

First marriage invalidates a will and your husband would inherit more of your property than your children unless you made a new will. Prenups can be ignored by the courts.

Second an asset (like a house) acquired before marriage is not a matrimonal asset, it is often a 50/50 spilt on anything acquired during the marriage. That doesnt mean he cant claim something if he has been paying towards a mortgage or repairs. That may be why he is suggesting unnecessary changes now. Personally I'd see that as a red flag and think twice about marriage.

Your children will have less stability if you marry him, not more. All he has to do is stay married to you for a few years so,it's not a 'short marriage' then he has half a house.

Why is he living in a house share?