Sorry it's a bit long!
My DP works with a younger woman and when she started working there, about a year ago, he said her behaviour was overly flirty and attention seeking, both with him and with other blokes. He mentioned this to others also, and they agreed (he says). All her friends seem to be male incidentally (he says) I was not overly bothered, some people are just like that. She is married with young children.
He started talking about her daily. We were on holiday and she was messaging him early in the morning- about a work emergency (he says). I was annoyed at that. He started staying up late on WhatsApp. I was a bit concerned but he just said he was reading stuff his brother has sent him. I said it was a bit weird that she would message him on his personal number out of hours, rather than at work, he would shrug it off as that is what they all do at his work, which is true.
Before Christmas a mutual male friend of DP and this woman told DP she was splitting from her husband. She said to this friend and others at work that her husband had banned her from having coffee or lunch with blokes at work.
Last week DP said she's been seen looking dreadful and parks her car in a different place from before so she doesn't have to see anyone going in or out of the building.
This weekend he's been very stressed and down. He said he is sick of women coming on to him and trying to use him for attention and to distract themselves from their own poor relationships. Specifically women from his work, and this woman in particular. He said he realised what she was up to ie wanting an affair, and that it would wreck his life if he did so, so he has pulled back from it and has distanced himself.
He said he told me all this in the hope it would make our relationship better. As we have been distant lately and he doesn't like it as he wants us to be happy together so he isn't "that person" who goes looking for extra sex as they're not getting it at home, like that woman, and potentially him.
Over the last few days, more details emerged, like she said to him it was his indifference that made her interested (he'd asked why she was interested in a 50 year old bloke) and that was when he realised the contact had gone too far, she was being more than just flirty, and he started being distant, not replying to messages. This was about 2 months ago he says, so around the time her marriage difficulties were mentioned by the mutual friend.
I had a go at him when I got in from work today because I just don't know what to think. I knew something was off in the summer and now various things are popping into my head like why did his messages suddenly stop showing content on his lock screen, and other things like his lack of interest in sex.
He had a massive go at me after I got angry, saying all he wants is to make things better and that was the reason he told me, he didn't fuck her or touch her in any way, he is not attracted to her as he sees her for what she is (an attention seeking temptress presumably), he wouldn't have told me at all if there was something serious going on and I am being unfair giving him a hard time.
I just can't understand why he told me. If he realised he was getting into an inappropriate situation and stopped it surely that's that, why tell me? I can't compete with a 34 year old at 50 and I'm not going to try. I get he wants to make our relationship better as do I, but telling me he's nearly shagged someone is not helping at all.
I asked if he'd blocked her and he hasn't as she's stopped messaging now anyway so he feels he doesn't need to.
We've lived together for 6 years, both previously divorced, joint mortgage, no kids together, I've got 2 teenagers. Both work full time.. I'm not fat or unattractive but the other woman is much more attractive than me, from what I've seen of her, and throwing herself at him as well, wow.
Am I being unfair to him by being angry and not being sure how I feel about this yet?