Finance wants me to sleep with another man

[Melly1991]

Title says it all really. Could do with some advice on this. It’s been going on for years. He has never been able to drop it.

I honestly am in two minds. He has said try it and see if we like it, and we can do it again. If not we never have to do it again. Why should I sacrifice something like this for him? He even mentioned introducing another couple a few times, that’s one thing I could never see him with another woman. I’ve said this a few times but he still mentions it sometimes but he has agreed for me to be with a man first and he is desperate to watch in the same room.

I don’t know whether I should go through with this unless I am 100%? Should he not be worshiping my body for himself and not someone else? We have been together 13 years but our sex life has honestly been amazing, I’ve never had any concerns. We are getting married early next year.

It’s to a point he won’t stop asking me, he won’t ask me to my face and he gets awkward when we talk about it directly but he will talk about it over text (not phone call). He will text me when I’m downstairs and he’s upstairs in bed waiting for me. He will also text me when he’s at work to see my response.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I wish he would drop it but he won’t and to be honest I’m concerned now we don’t have the same sex drive anymore/ want the same things?

OP it's got to be hard for you to get all these LTBs when by appearances you think of this as an isolated issue in an otherwise good relationship.

I don't think you not having dumped him yet means you lack self respect. But I do think his fantasy sounds objectifying of you, pornified, and him not dropping it is really concerning. Either he'd like you to sacrifice your most intimate boundaries for him, or he just can't hear you.

Neither is a good starting point for a marriage. So ultimately yes you have to reconsider the relationship. Sorry.

You are not being “the jealous type” to want to be in a monogamous relationship with your fiancé. Subconsciously you are already framing it as a you problem. It’s not you!

What do you think he will be doing during your ‘experience’ with the other penis owner? What do you think he will want to do after it ?

Send him a text and tell him that you are not his property to lend out for other men to use. Then send a text to book the removal van.

Its never going to go away. And it might be the tip of the iceberg (not only will he not drop it but you said you told him no to just another man and then he brought up full on swinging).

Hard as it is, I wouldn’t marry him OP. I don’t think there’s any way it can go well. Find someone you’re more compatible with.

👏🏻@ThreeLocusts

No. I think you should end it, because if it’s something he’s so insistent on even if you say no, now, it will come up in a couple of years. Even if you haven’t straight up, said no (and you should’ve) I’m sure it’s extremely obvious that you do not want to do this.

Also, this is a fetish in its own right, he might’ve only mentioned couples because that seems “less weird”. I know a woman who confided that she went along with this, and it got more and more extreme as time went on.

@Melly1991 he can't even speak to you to your face about it but does it over text? Is he 18!?! What's he going to do if you said yes? Sit in the corner of the room ogling, with a grin and texting you "this is so hot!" 😬

Whenever he texts you, shout upstairs "jog on you perv" and that'll soon stop the texts.

Alternatively, tell him to jog on altogether, do you really want to marry someone who is going to keep on at you to do something he knows you don't want to do? That's kinda grooming vibes.

It's a rape/slut/body ownership fantasy

That sort of thing sounds appalling to me. I mean other people are free to do what they want but I'd never in a million years get involved in that sort of thing. People can have fantasies and keep them as just that rather than badgering their plainly unwilling partner. He can't even actually say it to your face but send weird texts. Apart from anything else, what about STDs and the risk of pregnancy? It's obvious you don't want to do it and I suspect it's the think end of the wedge. This won't be a once off whatever he says and it will only ramp up once you're married. I would break the engagement without hesitation over this behaviour. He sounds very creepy.

Also a few cases in the news – some people drug their wives and 'loan' their bodies to other men, if the wives say no. I think the lack of consent makes it more of a turnon. It sounds extreme but it's not that much of a stretch from the 'slut wife used by other men' porn fantasy online

I'd guess that if you were genuinely interested you'd have taken up the opportunity long before now. You're only not 100% certain because he's gone on about it so much that he's normalised it for you. One no should have been enough from you for him to accept that it isn't your thing.

I think you should tell him that you'd find it a massive turn on to bugger him aggressively with a ridiculously large dildo. Sure, he might not be too keen but he could at least indulge you and try it just the once to see if he likes it.

Seriously though, I think you should think long and hard about how he really sees you. Why does he think you're sexuality is something to be passed around for his voyeuristic enjoyment? Why does he think it's OK to keep pressurising you to do something you've been clear you don't want to do? Why does he feel so entitled to try and coerce you relentlessly? He doesn't sound nice to me at all, and that's putting it mildly.

@WalkingThroughTreacle With these fetishes it is hardly ever just one. He would probably say yes please.

Hang on, he wants you to fuck another bloke, but he can't talk to you about it? That is all kinds of fucked up.

He's fantasising about watching you with other men. And if he persuades you to actually have sex with other men, he's not going to stop fantasising, it's not the kind of thing you do once and then stop. He's going to KEEP ON badgering you, even if you do have sex with another man, whether you hate it or not. It's not a 'do it once, see how you feel' thing, it's going to be on and on and on and on 'you did it last time, it wasn't so bad was it, was it, was it, you'd do it if you loved me...' Like a fucking toddler asking for an ice cream, on and on until you crack.

Don't do it.

Call off the wedding to this man. This is just not a healthy attitude to build a family life on. Sounds a bit pervy tbh.

You need to tell him to fuck right off, for good. He has zero respect for you.

He clearly watches too much porn - sites dedicated to this stuff, which is probably why he's texting you upstairs from bed whilst you are downstairs.

It's a controlling commodity issue. He values you less than say his car who he probably wouldn't let a stranger drive... Horrible analogy but very true.

Leave him. If people ask why, casually say - oh just wanted me to have sex with strangers and I declined.

Tell him NO and that you want to hear no more about it. If he still pesters then you really should think about dumping him. Do not, under any circumstances, marry until this issue is settled.

Tell him you really want to watch him get shagged by a well muscled man first. Hourly.

His answer will tell you what to do.

There are men who enjoy cuckoldry and women who are happy to indulge them. It is clear that your fiancé is the former but you are not the latter.

End the relationship. You are not sexually compatible and it lets you find someone who shares your tastes and him find someone who suits his.

Are you sure he's not trying to get you on the game ?

I'm sorry but he sounds awful. I wold not marry him.

Tell him straight - you don’t want to, you never will, if he keeps asking then you will have to end things.

I’d be very concerned about staying with him anyway because of how obsessed he is by the idea. Are you sure he’s not already sleeping with others (or as soon as you say no he will)

"Rev up and fuck off you inconsiderate prick, I'd sooner be alone forever than spend another hour putting up with you whinging". Copy, paste and send.
Any man who continues to pester you to do something you are not comfortable with needs to be shown the door instantly, please find your strength and dump him. And if its the wedding you're worried about please don't be, everyone would sooner a couple split before the wedding rather than have a miserable marriage and he's only going to up the pressure when you are married, also if anyone asks why you split just tell them!!

I really wouldn’t marry him OP. Can’t believe it would even still be on the cards tbh.
Just Run!!!

oh yes and what OneMoreTime23 says 😄