Finance wants me to sleep with another man

[Melly1991]

Title says it all really. Could do with some advice on this. It’s been going on for years. He has never been able to drop it.

I honestly am in two minds. He has said try it and see if we like it, and we can do it again. If not we never have to do it again. Why should I sacrifice something like this for him? He even mentioned introducing another couple a few times, that’s one thing I could never see him with another woman. I’ve said this a few times but he still mentions it sometimes but he has agreed for me to be with a man first and he is desperate to watch in the same room.

I don’t know whether I should go through with this unless I am 100%? Should he not be worshiping my body for himself and not someone else? We have been together 13 years but our sex life has honestly been amazing, I’ve never had any concerns. We are getting married early next year.

It’s to a point he won’t stop asking me, he won’t ask me to my face and he gets awkward when we talk about it directly but he will talk about it over text (not phone call). He will text me when I’m downstairs and he’s upstairs in bed waiting for me. He will also text me when he’s at work to see my response.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I wish he would drop it but he won’t and to be honest I’m concerned now we don’t have the same sex drive anymore/ want the same things?

He's not listening to you.
He's not accepting your right to say no.
He does not respect you.

Why would you marry a man that refuses to listen to you? That's not love.

You haven’t said yes despite the fact he’s asked multiple times.

That should be enough

If you haven’t shut the idea down to him then he may think you might be up for it or have you very clearly said no I don’t want to do it? If you’ve told him you’re not 100% off the idea that’s leaving the door open to it hence why he keeps asking. Do not do something that you are not 100% on but if you don’t want it then tell him no and you don’t want to hear no more about it

I'm very open minded about sex and relationships. I think as long as all parties are comfortable and consenting it's all cool. However, you're not comfortable or consenting and he's trying to badger you into submissions. Tell him no and be clear it's never going to happen. Don't do anything your not 100% about. Ever. If he brings it up again I'd LTB. He cares more about his own sexual pleasure than you.

I wouldn't assume that he isn't the jealous type. Because this would all be on his terms.
Might have a different reaction if you told him you'd found someone you really fancied for the, um, job but you'd have to try him out privately, one to one, first. To make sure you enjoyed it 😁

The OP has not told him no either.

This.

Over and over and over again.

And, like others, I suspect that ultimately, this is about HIM being "allowed" to sleep with other women.
And he probably is already

To be clear, in reality I'd be telling him to piss off.

He sees you as a commodity for his warped desire.

I suggest you do not marry him.

It all sounds so coercive, and for sure, this will not be the end of the matter. Marriage won’t make it go away.
I reckon you’ll be back here in a few years time with a tale of woe.

Whilst your loving family look on, all happy and smiling for you, do not make vows with such a creep.

@YetMoreNewBeginnings that's what I thought

@LadyKenya I've said no but then left it open to him again and said I'm
Not 100% and not 100% yes ..

Oh, I’d bet my house and all it’s contents if you met a bloke you really fancied, had hot sex and told him afterwards he be jealous alright.
If you agree to do this just once ( putting aside the fact you obviously don’t really want to ) he will never ever stop going on at you to do it again.
This is not a man to marry, sorry OP. He’s vile.

End it with him.

He sounds absolutely pathetic, why are you involved with this seedy lowlife ?

I agree with what's been said above about the likelihood of him pushing this idea as a green light for sleeping with someone else himself - it sounds like hes absolutely obsessed, and that this would mean more to him than the sex you and he have together. Ugh.

Also he is a sex pest. Who is pestering you for a very odd kind of sex, but even if it was for something you liked the idea of but not this minute, the pestering would be inexcusable.

Your fiancé is a vile twat. is it possible to hate someone you’ve never met? Because I hate your fiancé. PLEASE don’t marry this loser. This is NOT the man you want to spend the rest of your life with!

No

she has. She may not have said the words, but it’s very clear she’s not into it.

Any man with any clue about the swinging world knows that if she’s not saying yes then she’s saying no.

That should be enough.

Ask yourself this - if he loves you why is he pushing something you’re clearly not comfortable with?

Hes not mentioned it, then brought it up again two years later to see what you think… he’s being pushy about it despite your obvious discomfort.

Bin.

Does he want to be involved with the man too sexually?

I would report to HR that’s not on. They need to refresh their online training

@Bpickle1 😂 I had to reread the post after your comment I thought I had commented inappropriately!

Have you no self respect. Are you that desperate for a man.
It's your body You and only you decide who to sleep with.

Been an account for years now - finance dep get blamed for bloody everything.