Finance wants me to sleep with another man

[Melly1991]

Title says it all really. Could do with some advice on this. It’s been going on for years. He has never been able to drop it.

I honestly am in two minds. He has said try it and see if we like it, and we can do it again. If not we never have to do it again. Why should I sacrifice something like this for him? He even mentioned introducing another couple a few times, that’s one thing I could never see him with another woman. I’ve said this a few times but he still mentions it sometimes but he has agreed for me to be with a man first and he is desperate to watch in the same room.

I don’t know whether I should go through with this unless I am 100%? Should he not be worshiping my body for himself and not someone else? We have been together 13 years but our sex life has honestly been amazing, I’ve never had any concerns. We are getting married early next year.

It’s to a point he won’t stop asking me, he won’t ask me to my face and he gets awkward when we talk about it directly but he will talk about it over text (not phone call). He will text me when I’m downstairs and he’s upstairs in bed waiting for me. He will also text me when he’s at work to see my response.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I wish he would drop it but he won’t and to be honest I’m concerned now we don’t have the same sex drive anymore/ want the same things?

The fact he will only text you about it is odd, does he actually really want it to happen or is he just getting off on sexting/ thinking about it ?

This was a big fantasy of XDH - he wanted to watch be “being fucked” by another man. It was all part of his endless need to control me, and his view of me as a possession. He never let up.

Think very very hard about where the roots of this fantasy live.

And you are planning on marrying this man? Why?

If it's a hard no from you and you've told him so, he isn't respecting your boundaries. This is not a good foundation for a marriage.

Agreed make sure it is a clear no. If he cannot stop asking, he is trying to coerce you into it. Dont marry him.

you dont want to do this.h he knows this. So only he benefits. What happens if you did, he uses it against you to have affairs? Or uses it against you to control you.

I wouldn’t even be in a relationship with this man, let alone marry him. Basically he wants to ‘cheat’ but with your agreement. He must know you’re not up for this which is why he keeps harassing you!

It won’t end well, if he gets his way or not, i think the relationship will fail. Either you’ll do it/he’ll then introduce women into the mix & it will eat away at you or he’ll cheat.

this will open a can of worms. if I was in this situation, for me, even harassing me over a period of time would kill any feelings.

Don’t marry him. He is pressuring and pestering you and is ignoring that don’t want to do this. It’s all about him and you have no right according to what he’s saying.

No

No and end relationship

Just say no. See how he responds. I’d put money on it that he either gets very angry, or he pretends it’s no big deal, goes quiet for a bit, then comes and tries again after you’re married and you may feel you can’t leave. It might be a different fetish next time - you need to dress him as your sissy maid, put him in a chastity device, etc. He’ll pester and pester and won’t give a shit that you don’t want to. He may actively enjoy the fact that you don’t want to.

Don’t marry this man, leave him to his lonely porn.

Tell him to fuck off and over your dead body. I had an ex like this - asking me constantly and wanting me go screw his friends. It was the final straw, I must be the jealous type because I couldn’t watch a partner of mine have sex with another women. I totally get how you’re feeling x

You need to seriously ask yourself what the fuck you’re doing. Why on earth would you still be engaged to him? No one with any self respect would be. Stop being your own worst enemy and stop letting yourself be treated like this.

That's his bag and he's unlikely to leave it. Don't marry him.

Your fiance wants to pimp you out? And you've not dumped him immediately?

Please don't let him pressure you into this Op. Men with specific fantasies don't drop them if it happens once, they just want to repeat and embellish the fantasy and he'll be pushing you to do more. Alternately, if it all goes wrong and he doesn't enjoy it it will be your fault for going along with it. Tell him No, if he can't except that then this relationship is going nowhere

He sounds revolting. But why didn’t you shut this down the first time he mentioned it?

This is not the man for you.

never was, never will be

you can do better.

if he’s like this now, imagine being married to him

don’t do that to yourself.

this won’t go the distance and you’ll ruin your life for nothing.

end it.

No for lots of reasons.

1. You don't really want to
2. You've said no and he keeps pushing for it so he does not respect your answer
3. You've told him that you'd never be able to see him with another woman but he still brings that up too, and then tells you to try with a man 'first'. I can almost guarantee he'll say you owe him to let him sleep with a woman after
4. He can't talk about it like a grown adult and instead just texts
5. These things can sometimes so wrong and even though a man thinks it's his No.1 fantasy the reality is different and it can throw up all sorts of negative emotions and if that did happen your partner would never be able to talk it through with you seeing as he can only discuss this over text.

This won’t be a one off. It’s just the start of a relationship which includes other people in your bed. It’ll start with him watching you with another man. Then he’ll want to watch you with a woman, to watch him with a woman, to include a couple. Some people like group sex, there are web sites to meet like minded people. If you’re not interested in this I’d not give in to the first request

If he charges the other fella then he can be charged as a pimp and go to jail. That's where I'd put him for what he's asking you to do. Are you seriously wanting to spend the rest of your life like this. It's an obsession. It won't go away !

You agree to this, what will he want next? Nasty.

My ExH had multiple multiple partnered experiences, 2 women & him, 2 men & a woman, couples etc… he would have liked me to be more open but I wasn’t. It wasn’t what ended us by the way. He was just not hung up on certain things, he always thought I was a bit of an English prude ( he wasn’t English) he very much didn’t judge people especially women about their sexual preferences, I could have slept with a hundred men before him and he would never have judged me, it was on of his few good points.

I don’t think a man wanting to see the woman he loves with another man & vice versa is necessary a bad thing, it’s not for me but it works for plenty of people.

I would never do it just to please him though, I personally couldn’t do it as I know I’d never get over it, I’m happy being an English prude at times.

@Melly1991 Do not demean yourself for this man.
You know that you don't want to do this.
He won't shut up about it.
Maintain your standards.
This relationship has no future. He has no respect for your body or your views.

And why are you marrying a man who doesn't value you?

Perhaps hes gay/bi and wants to go with another bloke?

dont do it though. End of relationship