Finance wants me to sleep with another man

[Melly1991]

Title says it all really. Could do with some advice on this. It’s been going on for years. He has never been able to drop it.

I honestly am in two minds. He has said try it and see if we like it, and we can do it again. If not we never have to do it again. Why should I sacrifice something like this for him? He even mentioned introducing another couple a few times, that’s one thing I could never see him with another woman. I’ve said this a few times but he still mentions it sometimes but he has agreed for me to be with a man first and he is desperate to watch in the same room.

I don’t know whether I should go through with this unless I am 100%? Should he not be worshiping my body for himself and not someone else? We have been together 13 years but our sex life has honestly been amazing, I’ve never had any concerns. We are getting married early next year.

It’s to a point he won’t stop asking me, he won’t ask me to my face and he gets awkward when we talk about it directly but he will talk about it over text (not phone call). He will text me when I’m downstairs and he’s upstairs in bed waiting for me. He will also text me when he’s at work to see my response.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I wish he would drop it but he won’t and to be honest I’m concerned now we don’t have the same sex drive anymore/ want the same things?

@Melly1991 Why do women put up with this type of man? Run, run and run some more

Please don’t marry this prick. He doesn’t value you at all.

If you haven't actually said no to him and gave him "maybe, not sure", then he's thinking he just needs to keep trying to persuade you.

But you're on here, moaning that he keeps going on about it.

Hoenstly, how the hell are you two even engaged when you can't even have a conversation and communicate your wants, needs and boundaries?

Do not get married. You are not compatible!

I could not contemplate marrying anyone who had this thought in his head, let alone constantly pestered me to go along with it. Don’t you have any self-respect?

This is not AIBU, it's the relationships board, where surely people could manage to avoid berating the poster?

I don't think this is in any respect berating the OP. It's understandable people have strong opinions on men who coerce their partners into something they are blatantly uncomfortable with. The saying each to their own may be true but it has to be accepted the vast majority of people find this behaviour abhorrent.

So strange isn't it?? Why get married if that's what you want?

I was going to say, I'd check with HR before making any moves 😂

You would be utterly mad to go ahead with the marriage.

Sounds like he may be gay but hasn't fully admitted it to himself yet.

He has a cuckolding fetish. It’s surprisingly common. He has to find a way to put it aside for your relationship to work properly.

I think you will have trouble going ahead with this relationship, am sorry to say that......i think you should reconsider marriage.

Yes, I think that just about boils it down.

You need to leave this relationship. How could it possibly work with such fundamental differences? You are worth so much more.
Learn to love yourself for being you; this guy sounds sleazy ( that is being polite)

I would tell him that I won't ever do, nor have any desire to do something like this and if this is what he truly wants, he should find another partner.

If you don’t want to
do it, definitely don’t. Don’t be pressurised coerced or guilt tripped.

but if you’re curious I know the swingers clubs have spin offs that may alllow you to watch together to see if you could end up liking it?

What I would do is not marry him.

Not necessarily, it sounds more like the fiance has a cuckold fetish.

Either way, OP has made it clear she's not into sleeping with another man nor another couple, whether or not it will involve him doing anything with someone else or not, and that's the issue here. It's not really about where you draw the line with fidelity.

He won't take no for an answer and won't respect her boundaries, and I'd be saying 'run away' if he was this obsessive about, say, playing golf together or eating tripe or anything else that she has made clear, very clear, that she has no interest in.

Why is he still your fiance? Unless you want to

I mean...maybe he is, maybe he isn't, but that's not really relevant when the person he has chosen to marry has said 'sorry, not for me'.

I have friends who are poly and friends who are bi - it would absolutely not be appealing for them to a) be used as fulfillment for someone's fantasy rather than being treated as a person themselves, which I suspect is what would happen here b) essentially do so when one partner is really, really, clearly not wanting to do it. Doesn't matter what his sexuality is or what gender he wants to get involved with, any third party who wouldn't run a mile from this is probably equally creepy and uncaring about the feelings and needs of their partner/s.

Only read the OPs posts but I cannot get my head around a post that essentially says . ‘BF has been asking me to do something I don’t want to do for years, but I’ve never said No to him. What should I do?’

How do people like this some manage to function at all in the world?!

Sorry but I couldn't stay with a man who was so selfish and disrespectful - hope you are OK 💐

My advice , dump him . In my experience this will never stop . It’s disrespectful and you will be gaslighted over time to accept it’s normal .

My gut feeling is that your fiancé knows you do not want to have threesome/have sex with someone else and he's hoping to wear down your resistance and get you to do this against your will. However, it's also possible that some of the feelings you've expressed here - saying you're not sure you want to do it, feeling that you should do it, etc. have come across and, combined with his fixation on the topic, have made him (wishfully) think that you are genuinely interested but undecided.

I would tell him CLEARLY and NOW that you don't want to do this and therefore won't do it, and you'd like the subject to be dropped as it is tiresome/makes you uncomfortable/is a waste of time, or whatever your feel. As he plans to drop it when and if you're given it a try and not liked it, he's perfectly capable of dropping the subject now. If he doesn't drop it (you may have to remind him a few times), then you have a problem in your relationship.

Depending on your feelings and the relationship, you might offer to explore non-monogamous fantasies without involving another person, and/or you might tell him that if you decide later on that you are open to his proposal YOU will let HIM know. However, from what you've said I would start with a VERY clear "No. Please don't bring it up again" because it seems like he's not reading your mind and not taking any hints.

Sounds like he just wants to sleep with other women. I’d leave him but it’s obviously way easier said than done. Or at least thing of leaving/not marrying. I think if you go for it, within a month he’ll have 3 other ‘wives’ and I can’t with guys like that