Finance wants me to sleep with another man

[Melly1991]

Title says it all really. Could do with some advice on this. It’s been going on for years. He has never been able to drop it.

I honestly am in two minds. He has said try it and see if we like it, and we can do it again. If not we never have to do it again. Why should I sacrifice something like this for him? He even mentioned introducing another couple a few times, that’s one thing I could never see him with another woman. I’ve said this a few times but he still mentions it sometimes but he has agreed for me to be with a man first and he is desperate to watch in the same room.

I don’t know whether I should go through with this unless I am 100%? Should he not be worshiping my body for himself and not someone else? We have been together 13 years but our sex life has honestly been amazing, I’ve never had any concerns. We are getting married early next year.

It’s to a point he won’t stop asking me, he won’t ask me to my face and he gets awkward when we talk about it directly but he will talk about it over text (not phone call). He will text me when I’m downstairs and he’s upstairs in bed waiting for me. He will also text me when he’s at work to see my response.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I wish he would drop it but he won’t and to be honest I’m concerned now we don’t have the same sex drive anymore/ want the same things?

This is the first step into an open relationship as he thinks agreeing to you doing it will be easier than getting you to agree to him.
Then you'd be expected to return the same offer.
If you stay with him be aware he will give up and just cheat in secret at some point if he hasn't already.

Sorry NRTFT but this is very typical for a man who wants to have sex with someone else.

Its highly likely that it’s a man he wants to have sex with but it could be a women, either way he definitely wants to have sex with at least one other person.

If you’re not comfortable then say no and ask that he doesn’t mention it again.
Then whenever he brings it up shut it down immediately and refuse to discuss it.

Please walk away from this man , he will make your life a misery .

He has a cuckhold fantasy in his head about him seeing you having hot sex with another man.
Importantly, you dont want sex with another man so if you agree it will be under duress and quasi sexual assault. Not to mention the other man - if an ethical person they wont go anywhere near this and if not well ….
Also like many things in life the reality will not mirror the fantasy. How will he feel after? Guilty? Jealous? You and he wont be able to unring that bell.
If he likes it and you agree once its not going to be the end of it. He will ask again and again and you will find it harder to refuse if you gave previously agreed to it. Agreeing once may also lead to further more extreme fantasy scenarios being requested. Where will it end?

He either needs to end it with you and find a willing partner or keep it in his head and never speak of it again.

You need to decide if you can continue the relationship knowing this.

If he's bang into that as a fantasy, it could bite him in the balls so to speak. He should be careful what he wishes for.
If you want to sleep with another man then do so, but your DH might change his tune when the other fella is better in bed/ nicer in general to you...

Tell him you’ll only do it with a guy with a cock like a Pringles tube. He won’t be able to find anyone and so it’s finished.

WTF has this got to do with Op's post? This isn't her fantasy. She doesn't want to do it. She's getting pressured by someone who claims to love her to allow someone to have sex with her against her will.

Your body, your choice. Some do and some don't. There is nothing wrong with sharing ones OH, threesomes etc etc but there needs to be consent and the all parties are happy to participate.
As you have made up your mind, you need to be more assertive or he is not for you

Any chance all the refugees from the Sex Forum could find their way back there? Last I checked this was the Relationships forum. I'm not sure everyone on this thread wants to read all the murky details of your "unconventional" love lives. 🤷‍♀️

I think a lot of men have this fantasy and it might even be the most common one for men. I doubt many get it to reality stage though. If you don’t want to do it then you don’t do it, end of story. If he keeps on ag you, don’t marry him.

People who find this behaviour not only dangerous but also abhorrent and they express this opinion here are not trolls. Most people are open minded, have fantasies etc but they respect each other enough to keep their open mindedness within their special relationship. If my DH so much as suggested he'd like to watch me being intimate with someone else I'd think he'd lost the plot. There is also the problem of where it could lead to when the initial 'turn on' becomes not enough,end off. (no pun intended)

Is that what it means in a job spec when it says you may occasionally be asked to perform other duties?

Call me a prude if you like but this would be a relationship ender for me.

You clearly are not compatible in the bedroom. He won't drop it, which means he's desperate to do it, and that's not going to change with time. That said, you absolutely should not do it if it's only for him. It's not a simple case of trying a new position or dressing up in the bedroom, it's having potentially multiple new sexual partners (because he's not going to stop at one, is he?!) when you don't want to. These things should only happen when both people are eager to do it.

I'd also worry that if I said a firm no, he'd go ahead and do it without me. Cheating is vile but cheating in a casual sex/swinging way would knock me sick.

that’s one thing I could never see him with another woman. I’ve said this a few times but he still mentions it sometimes but he has agreed for me to be with a man first

OP, I've underlined "first" because it sound to me like he only wants to get married on condition he can find some way to continue having sex with other women.

I don’t think you are a prude … should be the cement of your relationship with your DP and for me it is exclusive and special only for us! Would never want to have sex with another man when I’m totally in love with my partner and I’d be happy to have sex with him everyday!

He will never let it go, OP. He is planning to wear you down until you consent to "just this once". Then it will be another "just this once", then it will be him with other women, dogging, swinging, you name it.

He will never let it go.

You're monogamous and he isn't. Don't marry this person. Absolutely bizarre that he is trying to convince you at a point where you're engaged.

Most men that want this and push it are bisexual and want another man in their bed.

There is nothing sinister here and no hidden agenda. It is just that different people have different kinks. Most couples do not discuss them as they know their partner will go ape.

Either tell him its a final no, or share your kinks with him to see if there is something you can mutually do. What you are saying has been an excellent sex life isn't so in his head. So many couples then get surprised at affairs etc later.

DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN

OP, sorry but you and your DF are sexually incompatible and it's highly doubtful you will be happy together long term as either way, one of you will be doing something that you're not happy about.

Cuckolding is actually a fetish, but he needs to respect your boundaries and if it’s a no, he needs to stop asking you.

That is absolute nonsense 🤣🤣

cuckolding is a fetish, he wants her to sleep with another man, he doesn’t want to sleep with another man 🙄

LTB

Please don’t marry this awful man