Did you marry the 'masculine' man; or do you wear the trousers?

[xxlouisewellsxx]

Just watched a reel on IG that had a lady walking around the airport following her husband saying she did not need to use a braincell when with her husband (as he is leading her around the airport, checking flight times, generally in control of the situation) I read the comments on the post and they were saying if you are with the right man you relax and feel safe and allow him to lead etc etc...

My experience is the other hand, I am in control of the flight times/destinations/etc etc. These are silly airport examples; but generally filter down to everyday life. Some would say I am in my masculine energy? Do you agree?

Who did you marry? The ‘leader’ man, or the man YOU lead – and how has that worked out for you? My friends husband generally makes all of her decisions on destinations/finances. He calls other men 'not real men' and 'walk overs'. I also see videos of 'masculine' work shops and women saying being in the feminine energy is great - but I always think if you trust the wrong man you are kind of doomed and unhappy, and its too late to leave.

Not slamming anyone, just generally interested in whether you ‘wear the trousers’ and if you prefer it, or are you happily married with a man that takes control of everything and you generally don’t need to worry about much. Is it true, does this ‘allow’ you to step more into your ‘feminine energy’ – I have never experienced this so I am curious.

Are you divorced to a ‘man that leads’ as it didn’t work out? Or the opposite and would like your husband to be more masculine? (I guess those types of men always give out a different aura) Or are you happy making the plans every weekend/making most of the decisions/leading your life.

Have you been watching Andrew Tate?

I actually just watched a video of a woman at home raising 3 beautiful kids playing outside like it was the 90s and had a beautiful home and it got me thinking lol @Prawncow

We're a team, each of us plays to our strengths. I don't think it has anything to do with masculinity or femininity, and I'd feel pretty short changed if I believed I was expected to take a back seat in life just by dint of being born female.

None of the above. My husband is not particularly masculine but we are a team, neither of us is in charge.

I’m married to a beta male scientist who can do anything. He’s the only person I can imagine being stranded on island with and actually surviving. Alpha mind, beta body! 😂

Neither! More equal, normal relationship.

I don’t find overly ‘masculine‘ men attractive

It doesn't have to be either/or - we're not married or live together but our "roles" are equitable. Possibly helps that he's a 50/50 dad of two teenaged girls. He can be a very supportive dad, doesn't shy away from female issues (he sorted out a badly stained white sheet when his daughter had a period moment last week) and brings his girls up to understand that STEM, sport, outdoors stuff, etc isn't just for boys.

It’s an interesting question. I would honestly say we are equal in it. Using your airport example - we would both know where the passports were, what time the flight leaves, what gate it was etc. We book holidays while sat together. We make financial decisions together. We decide weekend plans together.

Why is it masculine energy to know how to navigate an airport?

I’d really be unpicking your ideas about gendered socialisation if you think that getting flights on time and understanding your own finances is a matter of ‘masculine energy’.

The Instagram reel you watched would make me wonder whether the woman in question being led around the airport had an intellectual disability.

Neither, we're both good at different things, also prefer to be the organiser in certain circumstances.

I love researching holidays and getting the good deals
My dh is great at sorting the car park, airport stuff
I'm a bit of a worrier so will make sure we've got insurance, paperwork, passports etc
My dh will be the one directing us to the lounge, drinks, meals etc

My husband can put his hand to anything - he even built the extension, knocked through to make an open plan kitchen diner; wired up all the house - no external tradesmen needed. Any jobs around the home - sorted. Don’t have to ask….same with the car.

holidays/airports etc. then I’m the one who is in charge as he is a bit like a deer in headlights.

I will say that when going back into dating, I would prefer it if the man took the lead from the start, as in planning where to meet and making a bit of an effort.

I think this is important to me now, as my ex was not like this. All through our marriage I can now see (what is now known as me being in masculine energy) that I was just expected to do and plan everything, and just did. He became very lazy and really put no effort in, so it was not matched effort in any way.

So now, when venturing out in the dating world again, I am actively checking to see if he will make an effort from the start. Not that it has done me much good thus far (old is just not great generally), but that is my thought process anyway.

DH is excellent at finance and likes to plan to the nth degree so he does travel. He’s also inflexible so he may well be completely wrong but there’s no point arguing. There are jobs he’ll take over regardless of who is best at them, so I leave him to them.

I do the things I care more about. He can vacuum three times a week if he wants, I don’t see the need.

There is no masculine or feminine energy about these things.

What is this masculine and feminine energy nonsense? Since when do you need a dick to read a departures board?

It depends. DH does the bills and all the admin relating to our home in France. He is fluent, I am not.

I did all the children's admin, sorted school viewings, etc. We made choices together.

He does some things without consultation but so do I. We have separate bank accounts. I'd never discuss with him buying a new cooker or sofa but would involve him over a kitchen and he'd have the final say which is why we have fucking lights that constantly change colour

When we go to France together, he tends to be the route planner. Sometimes I go alone and am more than capable of booking my flights, having a night in an hotel in Barcelona and getting the train down in the morning. Sometimes he'll say "can you book that nice chateau for the journey down and if it isn't available, I'll book something else.

If I need a new car I'll go and buy one (happens very, very rarely). He has and needs no input although I'm sure if I came home with a Nissan Juke instead of a nice reliable Honda or VW, he'd raise an eyebrow but would accompany it with "it's your money".

When we bought our current house I did the negotiations because I'm tougher at it and he had bought it with his head. The only shocking point was the fact that the estate agent actually asked why and if my husband was happy fkr me to be doing it. Er yes, because he's much harder to get hold of at work, and would either take my calls ASAP or we would have discussed tactics. The EA definitely thought I wore the trousers but nevertheless closed a cracking deal for us.

Sounds unhealthy and weird, like either some BDSM dynamic that’s escaped the bedroom or an extreme US style Christian submitted wife thing. We’re both competent adults of the same species, we share responsibilities and decisions, somewhat according to our strengths but with an overall attempt to be putting equal effort into running out lives.

I led in everything from early adulthood, I also had a very demanding job and managed everything at home. I didn't necessarily do everything at home, however nothing at all was done, even down to housework, holidays, etc, unless I actively initiated or prompted it.

It was exhausting, and ultimately I left.

I still manage all of these things in my own life and obviously those of DC, however the constant need to manage another adult is a huge weight lifted. I felt as though I was never relaxed as I was always thinking ahead for all of us.

I do think that I would struggle taking more of a submissive role, however I think an equally strong character with equal input would suit me (or at least more input than none!).

In practice, I have found that these characteristics in men are more difficult to find, or at least where they are looking for a character similar to mine!

Feminine and masculine energy? Sounds sexist.

It’s because your bosoms get in your way when you look at your boarding card? Well, that or it’s total nonsense.

And they say feminism's work is done😢

It doesn't have to be one or the other OP.

Also, just because one person ends up organising and choosing everything, does not mean they are the 'leader' in a way that they have consented to. Many, many women end up being cornered into this position because their partner is either lazy, incompetent, or their partner is using strategic incompetence to truly sit back and put their feet up in the relationship.

There's a lot of this 'masculine and feminine energy' guff about at the moment.

What about those of us who are single? Aren't we allowed to have feminine energy, because the toilet needs unblocking and we want to go on holiday but haven't got a 'masculine energy' to do it for us?

I tend to book any holidays/trips. My husband deals with the car - MOT, insurance, etc. He also deals with the hire car when we are away. We are a team.