Did you marry the 'masculine' man; or do you wear the trousers?

[xxlouisewellsxx]

Just watched a reel on IG that had a lady walking around the airport following her husband saying she did not need to use a braincell when with her husband (as he is leading her around the airport, checking flight times, generally in control of the situation) I read the comments on the post and they were saying if you are with the right man you relax and feel safe and allow him to lead etc etc...

My experience is the other hand, I am in control of the flight times/destinations/etc etc. These are silly airport examples; but generally filter down to everyday life. Some would say I am in my masculine energy? Do you agree?

Who did you marry? The ‘leader’ man, or the man YOU lead – and how has that worked out for you? My friends husband generally makes all of her decisions on destinations/finances. He calls other men 'not real men' and 'walk overs'. I also see videos of 'masculine' work shops and women saying being in the feminine energy is great - but I always think if you trust the wrong man you are kind of doomed and unhappy, and its too late to leave.

Not slamming anyone, just generally interested in whether you ‘wear the trousers’ and if you prefer it, or are you happily married with a man that takes control of everything and you generally don’t need to worry about much. Is it true, does this ‘allow’ you to step more into your ‘feminine energy’ – I have never experienced this so I am curious.

Are you divorced to a ‘man that leads’ as it didn’t work out? Or the opposite and would like your husband to be more masculine? (I guess those types of men always give out a different aura) Or are you happy making the plans every weekend/making most of the decisions/leading your life.

Pretty much every man in my social circle appreciates a strong woman (and has found one as their partner or wife). So this sweeping generalisation can bugger off too.

If a man doesn't appreciate a strong woman that would be a red flag though.

We’re a team. A team that cannot put 2 braincells
together to build flat pack furniture. We both have your own strengths and weakness’s and we bounce off one another, unless by my lead example - the other is bounced out the fucking window for putting a cupboard door on inside out. In those circumstances, I absolutely hold the masculine energy and feel like I could take on the hulk. However in the airport, he’s by far the winner.

@Muffin777 I don't think feminism is or was a con. Women should be able to do all the things men have historically done: vote, buy houses, make their own money, etc. The only issue is that too many men whilst happy for women to do those things, don't want to pick up half of the domestic responsibilities and think it's the role of a woman to do them. The other side of that is that too many women remained conditioned to clean, pick up men's pants, etc. Men seem to want to cherry pick the nicer bits: cooking a special meal but not a macaroni cheese, take the dc to the park while mother cleans, etc

Women are as much to blame and some of it comes from laying the ground rules because women are so conditioned to be in a partnership that they settle.

I don't clean. I never have, I wasn't brought up to. It doesn't mean I don't live in an immaculate house. Paradoxically, MIL, who is vocal about women's rights, got arsy about me having a cleaner when I was on mat leave. MIL literally stirs DH's tea! Her own DH never made a cup of tea. Yet she thinks women must go to university and made sure her own dd's did and is very very vocal about women who care about hair, make-up clothes, appearance because it's irrelevant.

I like being a feminine feminist. I love pink, I spend money on my hair, clothes and make-up and love doing it.

The vast majority of men do not want a strong woman like this.

Absolute rubbish and I would very wary of a man who had an issue with a strong woman.

'feminism’ was a bit of a con. Given now we have to do all the same things as men, but also the majority share of the domestic labour, and child rearing.

Feminism is about (among many other things) not doing more than your fair share of the domestic labour etc.

I've seen the IG you're on about OP and it made me cringe tbh. A grown woman acting like a simpering little girl who can't find her way around an airport. What's "masculine" about that??

In answer to your question, my DP is the most "masculine" bloke I've ever met in terms of what it's really like to be masculine (i.e. not just a load of muscle and no brain).

He takes care of us, is incredibly loyal, family orientated and strong, he has a job which means orgnanising and managing a huge team of other blokes and is well respected and in control, he can turn his hand to anything, repair anything and everything in the house and / or car, and makes me feel amazing and loved all the time. That is my version on masculine. Not being able to lead me round an airport FFS!

@NoBinturongsHereMate said so much more concisely than I managed. I agree.

I'm familiar with the terms masculine and feminine energy, but it seems to be a short hand for men think, women feel which seems sexist and not particularly true.

Anyhow, I was married to someone who made me carry the decision making load, through avoiding any himself. And it got exhausting.

With my re partner he will step up if I don't want to make the decision, or organise the thing, but likewise I'll do the same. It does make me feel more secure because not everything on me.

My vagina gets us to the correct check in desk. His penis makes sure we're on time. That's teamwork baby !

On threads like this it never ever takes long before one of the posters propounding masculine/feminine bullshit to drop the mask and tell us that actually, feminism was bad.

Yip.

let’s put it this way , if a burglar broke into our home in the middle of the night my husband would be the one seeing to him not me.

Are you incapable of phoning the police?

DH would get to airport hours too early if I didn’t stop him. He hates DIY but will do the things I can’t manage if I insist but refuses to research it first … He never plans a day out, night in or a holiday. He is quite content to play his guitar, doomscroll or have a nap. He only sits next to me if I put the TV on. He has a responsible job and I’ve heard him suggest things that overseas colleagues could do when they’re visiting our area but he doesn’t seem to think they apply to us. I moved to be with him - he’s never shown me round, etc., whereas I always planned events I knew he would enjoy when he visited me before we married. I’d far prefer a man who took a bit more responsibility for the relationship!

I think masculine and feminine are the wrong words to describe what you’re trying to say. My husband does tend to take the lead in most things and I’m ok with that cos there’s also certain things I would take the lead on. Just depends what the task is and who’s strength is more likely to see us through it best

Every man I’ve come across who ‘appreciates a strong woman’ eventually comes to expect me to do everything.

I rarely even mention I’ve done and the Bar /
my career because it’s met with so much insecurity from men. You can literally see them recoil. I’ve had people outright tell me they can’t go out with me because of it.

the guy I’m seeing now encourages me in my career and isn’t intimidated by it, but within the dynamic of our relationship, I get to just switch off and let him take the lead and it’s amazing. Such a relief.

Absolutely this. No further questions your honour.

@Muffin777 isn't that the description of a carer rather than a partner? Someone who takes on responsibility for you, because you can't or don't want to do it for yourself?

I’m much older and divorcing.

I married a man who likes to take control, to lead, make decisions etc. Looking back I was very naive then. I used to think I should be able to do control my own life and before giving up work and having children we would butt heads quite often.

I became a STAHM because my ex was in the military and 1) my career had suffered from frequently moving and 2) it’s hard to have a job and a child when the husband is frequently away for weeks at a time.

Anyway once I had a baby, he took over more. I had enough on my plate so ended up giving in more often than not.

Unfortunately for me my ex soon wanted total control and soft soap talking and manipulation turned to outright bullying.

I suspect many women who look like they are enjoying the benefits of ‘masculine energy ‘ are not. Like me it may be something that started off OK-ish,but anything that allows men to be dominant ain’t going to end well for the woman. It reminds me of the Surrendered Wives movement.

It’s refreshing to hear so many replies that individual strengths are shared.

He doesn’t take responsibility for me.

he takes care of our plans, practical stuff, sorts things that make my life easier but I still have my own autonomy. It doesn’t all have to be so extreme!

My DH comes from culture where men are leaders, protectors and providers. We understand our cultural differences so he knows I am not like women in his country and I know I need to make him feel like he is in charge (it's just managing this in a way that makes him feel like he is). We still discuss important things together and he knows I am better in certain things and he doesn't take them as me trying to be in control.
From the very beginning I absolutely loved how he made me feel safe and taken care of. I didn't have to plan/organise our dates as he took notice of what I liked and took care of everything and I just had to show up and enjoy.
Now that we have a child I don't have to stress about working and finances while taking care of our DD. DD and I have been visiting family abroad for months now while he works. I can concentrate on things that matter to me at point of my life. I feel very in peace and calm because of his energy. I feel like whatever challenges we face it will be ok as I have him as my rock.

My husband isn’t the type of masculine that Andrew Tate etc spew on about, but he does take charge when needed, is very protective of his loved ones and doesn’t back down from confrontation. Probably has more balls on him than most of the men spewing such nonesense.

But we are a team, and in the example you’ve given, I’m the one that takes care of the flight stuff etc and he just shows up😂 I’m just more organised in general. (I think I’ve seen the reel you’re talking about lol)

All these videos sound like a load of sexist nonsense to me. Don’t forget what people portray on social media is usually a distortion of the truth. DH and I are partners. We split responsibilities equally and support each other equally. Neither one of us dominates, no idea about masculine/feminine energy we’re just ourselves. We’ve been together for 10 years very happily.

Some of the answers on this thread are downright vomit inducing.

@xxlouisewellsxx how’s the article coming on? You’re obviously a lazy journalist who can’t be bothered to defend their own research.

@Olika, my DH is a leader, protector and provider. By virtue of his intelligence and morality rather than his culture.

When our DC were little I was able to.spend 7 years at home, due to the fact that I worked like stink until I was 34, had bought my own house and provided us the bedrock during DH's early professional years.

Fortunately he respects the fact that we bring equal overall contributions to our family.

Fucking hell this is a depressing read