Did you marry the 'masculine' man; or do you wear the trousers?

[xxlouisewellsxx]

Just watched a reel on IG that had a lady walking around the airport following her husband saying she did not need to use a braincell when with her husband (as he is leading her around the airport, checking flight times, generally in control of the situation) I read the comments on the post and they were saying if you are with the right man you relax and feel safe and allow him to lead etc etc...

My experience is the other hand, I am in control of the flight times/destinations/etc etc. These are silly airport examples; but generally filter down to everyday life. Some would say I am in my masculine energy? Do you agree?

Who did you marry? The ‘leader’ man, or the man YOU lead – and how has that worked out for you? My friends husband generally makes all of her decisions on destinations/finances. He calls other men 'not real men' and 'walk overs'. I also see videos of 'masculine' work shops and women saying being in the feminine energy is great - but I always think if you trust the wrong man you are kind of doomed and unhappy, and its too late to leave.

Not slamming anyone, just generally interested in whether you ‘wear the trousers’ and if you prefer it, or are you happily married with a man that takes control of everything and you generally don’t need to worry about much. Is it true, does this ‘allow’ you to step more into your ‘feminine energy’ – I have never experienced this so I am curious.

Are you divorced to a ‘man that leads’ as it didn’t work out? Or the opposite and would like your husband to be more masculine? (I guess those types of men always give out a different aura) Or are you happy making the plans every weekend/making most of the decisions/leading your life.

Generally I wear the trousers, but not in every situation. Our relationship is female led. I need to be with a submissive man, and my DP needs to be with a dominant woman. The only time I need an overly masculine man is sexually, and that is why I have a lover.

I had to navigate an airport by myself once, by the time I got to my destination I'd sprouted a pair of bollocks 😱

Ladies - Know your limits!

I have been in a marriage with a man who let me do everything while he sat back and stopped thinking entirely. Very quickly I no longer wanted to have sex with him. I planned, decided, organised, parented, and it was fucking exhausting.
I'm now dating a very in touch with his feminine side man, but I have made it clear that after a day of parenting-working-cooking-cleaning I then do not wish to make further decisions or arrangements to see him. He asks to see me, he plans nice things, he picks me up and takes me out, he's in the middle of organising a trip for us. He checks with me if I'm happy and then books stuff. It's bloody lovely.

Let me add 'competitive' to the equation. My DH was an engineer in construction industry, when it was still all men. Good at job etc, Most of the other Engineers were so competitive in the way they applied themselves, they had to rush around doing things. If DH sat still considering a problem there would be criticism.
"Don't sit there thinking, Do Something".

My DH is 100% alpha.

Neither. We both work together excellently as a team, taking the lead on different things. We make lists of important things to do and split up the tasks. Holidays etc. are jointly planned.

I like to think of my DH and I having a partnership. I take the reigns in stuff I know he finds difficult, I am at heart an organiser. I managed to get us moved into our first place together in less than a month. Our wedding was the same (after jointly deciding we didn't want the whole big day at the insistence of our family). He is the fixer in the relationship, if somethings broken or I can't find a solution due to an emotional situation, he can. We play to our strengths and the other steps up when the other can't.

He was (he died some years ago) and alpha male, but yesterday a friend described me as an alpha female. So I think we were more like a team. He managed our finances though, as he was by far the higher earner. and there's a lot of power in that, even though I never wanted for anything and he never questioned what I spent. Let's say we divided our roles according to our talents and skills.

Some of these comments are making me laugh so much. What the hell is wrong with people - masculine and feminine energy?!!!!

There's some women who have the worst of both worlds.

They're expected to do the tedious boring day to day life admin and take on all of the mental labour of that and then the man gets to make the big decisions.

disagree with the premise of the whole question

don‘t associate masculinity with being ‘in charge’ in a relationship (the ‘in charge’ bit is weird too – weird to assume that one person or the other has to be)

I definitely married an Alpha male who was controlling! He would be just like the man in the airport (and is!) knowing where everything is and having everything organised - its all done on spreadsheets! When I met him he had a high-powered high-income job in the City & I was a secretary. We married when I was 25 and he was 38, that was 34 years ago! I became a SAHM with an allowance which I loved as had 4 children. We wanted for nothing and had a lovely lifestyle and lovely family holidays but oh boy did DH always like to be in control! I wouldn’t say he’s masculine exactly but very self-confident, very traditional, serious and stern and I guess I’ve always been a bit placid and submissive but by the same token there’s a side to me that likes him making the decisions particularly when I was young and I guess because I didn’t challenge it it just became how out marriage was and then when I did we’d row and it’d be my fault and we’d be at loggerheads for days. Sometimes I thought about leaving him but never had the guts and stayed for the children and the lifestyle I guess - we're retired now and only one at home and grandparents too. That said he never minded me going out with friends, shopping, beauty treatments, going to the theatre etc as long as I drop everything for him if I needed too! I love him and know at 72 (I'm 59) he’s not going to change and to be honest I can’t imagine life without him so I just go along with it a lot of the time! I've posted on here before about him and people have said different things, its hard sometimes particularly since he retired but Ok mostly.

I’m married to a decent guy, but he wants to be in control without being the leader. We are now seperating.