Did you marry the 'masculine' man; or do you wear the trousers?

[xxlouisewellsxx]

Just watched a reel on IG that had a lady walking around the airport following her husband saying she did not need to use a braincell when with her husband (as he is leading her around the airport, checking flight times, generally in control of the situation) I read the comments on the post and they were saying if you are with the right man you relax and feel safe and allow him to lead etc etc...

My experience is the other hand, I am in control of the flight times/destinations/etc etc. These are silly airport examples; but generally filter down to everyday life. Some would say I am in my masculine energy? Do you agree?

Who did you marry? The ‘leader’ man, or the man YOU lead – and how has that worked out for you? My friends husband generally makes all of her decisions on destinations/finances. He calls other men 'not real men' and 'walk overs'. I also see videos of 'masculine' work shops and women saying being in the feminine energy is great - but I always think if you trust the wrong man you are kind of doomed and unhappy, and its too late to leave.

Not slamming anyone, just generally interested in whether you ‘wear the trousers’ and if you prefer it, or are you happily married with a man that takes control of everything and you generally don’t need to worry about much. Is it true, does this ‘allow’ you to step more into your ‘feminine energy’ – I have never experienced this so I am curious.

Are you divorced to a ‘man that leads’ as it didn’t work out? Or the opposite and would like your husband to be more masculine? (I guess those types of men always give out a different aura) Or are you happy making the plans every weekend/making most of the decisions/leading your life.

I disagree. My DH loves the fact that I initiate and manage most things. I think lots of men enjoy leaving the mental load to their wives.

@CharliesAngels81 I agree, and this lady from that it sounds like did not like acting like this. Which brings me back to my interest of why some women (including me) can't seem to let go of control a little. I suppose you could see it being more submissive. but looking at my friendship group - most women do END UP with women like this. (strong women, they make the plans, tell them what they are doing on the weekend, book the hotels etc)
I think I would make a nice housewife, the reason I ask the question is when I am off work for 2 weeks being at home with my kids, I actually thrive. I like the idea of not working and taking care of a house/home, taking them to days out (as long as the right man appreciates it) a lot of these andrew tate men expect it, and become bullies. Is it true its harder to find a guy who wants you to stay at home nowadays? I think so.

Yuck, neither.

We are both grown ups who are independent but can and do work together when necessary.

I would never, ever be submissive to a man. It goes against everything I believe in.

Neither. We are equals.

If one person finds themself doing everything, organising everything and taking care of everything it's not that they are a leader or have a masculine energy

it's that they have married an idiot they can't rely on so they have to do everything or nothing will ever get done

We are a team but he is masculine and makes me feel safe x

Well honestly you could call it whatever you want. You could call it feminine energy to leadership/make decisions, and you could call it masculine energy household tasks like food clothes masculine. I am interested in if there is a general leader environment where you can relax and feel taken care of, whatever sex that is, and whatever energy we want to call it. Its about taking a step back to allow the other person to step forward and whether that feels comfortable for you. We all know men love to feel important lol

I guess traditionally the man would work and the woman would raise children. @Isthisjustnormal

also weaponised incompetency is a real thing and both men and women are capable of it

We operate as a team and are both adults with brains and free will and agency. If my very beloved husband fell under a bus tomorrow I'd be devastated, but there is nothing in the home or in a fucking airport (seriously?), or pretty much anywhere else, other than in bed, that I couldn't manage to get done without him.
And vice versa.
Jesus Christ it's like three waves of feminism never happened.

Taking a step back and allowing other people to make decisions in your life without your input is to deliberately infantilise yourself. It's not a sensible thing for an adult to do, as it makes you vulnerable to many things. Just the other person making mistakes that affect you, or deliberately taking actions which are not the best for you, or deciding to actually be abusive on purpose.

My husband is masculine in that he has a physical job that most women wouldn't be able to do.
I am definitely the decision maker though, I have said on here before that he is a passenger in our lives.
Most decisions from the house to every holiday we have ever been on are made by me. All of the organising is on me, he would 100%be following me around the airport with no clue where his passport is!
I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to be with a man capable of being in charge, I imagine life would be a lot less stressful but then I'm not sure if I would be able to let go to find out!

@PaintedEgg "If one person finds themself doing everything, organising everything and taking care of everything it's not that they are a leader or have a masculine energy

it's that they have married an idiot they can't rely on so they have to do everything or nothing will ever get done"

Ot they are a controlling dickhead who wants the world exactly the way he wants it and his prepared to go to extreme lengths to get it that way.

super alpha and loving it.

@Grimsknee "Jesus Christ it's like three waves of feminism never happened."

Actually, it's as if the first two waves were wiped out by the third.......

I’m currently dating a very ‘masculine’ man, and I’ve found it so refreshing.

rather than it being about ‘control’ or the woman being ‘submissive’ it’s more about just being able to feel safe. Emotionally, practically, financially. Which he does.

as long as the ‘masculine man’ genuinely wants to make you happy, and you can trust him, then it works.

he loves that I’m feminine, and I don’t mean that in a superficial sense necessarily, but I have a soft, playful, happy and appreciative energy. So I feel good. He feels good that I’m relaxed and happy. It works. I also think you need some polarity for a good sex life tbh.

and then at work I’m a lawyer so have to be the opposite 😅

Mutual respect, trust, appreciation and compassion will go much further in building any marriage than trying to fit in with narrow gender stereotypes. Character is more important than identity.

Traditionally in the area and cultural demographic I live in (Northern Industrial town) women have always been part of the workforce and I'm proud of that heritage.

My DH and I are a team. We talk through the big life decisions together and want a life where we are both happy. We play to our strengths, sometimes they match gender roles, sometimes they don't. My respect for DH isn't founded on him being masculine but it's because he is hardworking, kind, looks after the people around him and has integrity.

@GlamorousHeifer this is exactly how I feel hahahah. As I said , I once met a guy who wanted to do all these things for me. I had friends tell me I am lucky; but I just could not let go and trust him, and we argued and butt heads. I often wonder what would of been, how it would feel lol. Do you ever get tired/bored of making all the decisions? @GlamorousHeifer

you mean you are with an 'alpha?' how is life lol can you explain? @BlueHops

I married a masculine man in that he did physical hard graft, watched the footy and drank ten cans every Saturday night. Cut the grass and put the bins out.

But actually organising our lives. That was all down to me. It was exhausting and in the end he hated me for it too. Because I apparently didn't trust him to do anything. I don't recall him actually every trying TBH.

I'm from a matriarchal family, so what you term as "masculine" energy would be "feminine" energy. Not that I'd call it that. I guess it depends on your background and culture

I wouldn’t call that masculine. More childish!

I see masculine energy as productive, assertive, decisive, but also nurturing, respectful. Stoic. And safe!

@Muffin777 how have you found it refreshing? I think 'masculine' men are hard to come by today. If you asked me 1 year ago I would of been super offended by the term, but there are actually some men out there that want to play into the role of making the woman feel safe, they also STILL have respect for the woman, and appreciate what she does etc etc.

Interesting to hear you are a lawyer (wow!) so you clearly still work; how do you take on the more feminine role at home when you work; do you mean as in he makes decisions/financially/emotionally? How do you allow him to be more masculine? I find it so hard to trust.

@xxlouisewellsxx

I 🤔 don't think it has to be overly 😕 masculine alpha man those types steer off as often opinationated knobs

or

polar opposite 🤓 geeky types ect,

I think it's more nuanced than that,
Less obviously stereotypical
I think men can have a softer or whats consirdered more feminine and women can have what's consirdered socially more masculine qualities,

A good relationship should be about being a partnership focused reasonably equally
Complement each other's strengths and weaknesses,
but not in a sense you submerge lose your individuality of who you are,

Is there such a thing as masculine and feminine energy ?
I travel a lot , I'm perfectly capable of navigating an airport, you don't actually need a lot of brain cells to get on a flight.

That actually sounds really nice. It'll be nice to have a holiday organised for me for a change 😆Mental load is tiring! The thing is, it really has to be with someone you can trust, and to think of your needs/wishes, in order to relinquish that control.