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Original poster

Dp won’t let me just have a week away with family

804 replies

freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:05

Curious about this. How would you feel if you planned a weeks holiday with your dc to meet up with your mum who lives overseas, when dp of 8 months is also on a planned trip to see his family elsewhere, and then dp said he wanted to come and meet up with you on your holiday despite the fact you’d booked and made plans?

this has actually happened to me twice now with this person. I’m not sure if it’s a controlling red flag. We live really close together and see each other all the time, so it’s not a LDR or anything. I was looking forward to a trip with my mum and dc. I feel like if I said that to Dp he would take offence, which is why last time I said yes to him crashing and I ended up taking a day and a night away from my family.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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kayla12345 · 21/02/2024 22:06

A boyfriend of around 8 months really isn't a 'DP' massive 🚩🚩🚩

doodleygirl · 21/02/2024 22:07

Massive red flags

MotherofChaosandDestruction · 21/02/2024 22:07

It's a no from me. Massive red flags flying around. That's controlling and weird for an 8 month relationship and the fact that you can't say no just tops it off. RUN.

MiddleagedBeachbum · 21/02/2024 22:08

Huge red flag for controlling and possessive behaviour

TinyKittenPaw · 21/02/2024 22:09

I think you should say no, explain that you want the time with your family and DC, and if there is a hint of decent or offence end things quickly.

Mmhmmn · 21/02/2024 22:09

Trust your instincts.

It's a bright red flag of a controlling asshole. He's seen that his actions worked last time. Go on your holiday - don't let him control what you do. Who does he think he is?

TwylaSands · 21/02/2024 22:09

of 8 months and he has done this twice now.

fuck that. He has no respect for your time and plans.

Original poster
freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:09

He is supposedly driving a friend down near-ish where I am but that wasn’t his original plan and anyway I just want this time with my mum, I’ve been going through a lot and I rarely see her. I feel like if I say no he will take it poorly. That’s not good is it.

OP posts:
Original poster
freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:10

I actually feel nervous at the thought of saying no.

OP posts:
LittleGreenDragons · 21/02/2024 22:10

So he's gatecrashed three times and yet only been with him 8 months? AND you see him all the time? That is excessive by anybodys standards.

Good grief, get some breathing space and with that distance you might just see what a control freak he is. Which is why he won't let you have it btw.

Original poster
freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:12

I went to see family after Xmas and his family live in the same area so he booked to go and see his, then drove up to spend time with me and persuaded me to go and see his family for a night and 2 days which meant leaving my dc with my family as they haven’t been introduced to him yet. So this will be the 2nd time now. I will see him when we are both back next week so I don’t get it. I just want to see my mum.

OP posts:
New2024 · 21/02/2024 22:12

Maybe he thinks it’s good to be included and wondering why you are holding him distant from meet ups

Windymillering · 21/02/2024 22:13

freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:10

I actually feel nervous at the thought of saying no.

That’s very worrying and you know it

DifferentAlgebra · 21/02/2024 22:13

freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:10

I actually feel nervous at the thought of saying no.

And that doesn’t suggest you’re in a controlling relationship? Honestly, OP, at eight months, I’d be still at the stage of auditioning him to see if we were suited, not allowing someone I barely know to dictate my holidays!

Opentooffers · 21/02/2024 22:13

Yes, it's 8 month he is not a DP he's a BF! And he's already done it twice! Don't be a pushover,it really is OK to say you'll be busy so can't meet. If he can't do a week without you, he's way too clingy. Learn to say no or you'll have big problems down the line.

Original poster
freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:13

@New2024 maybe… I guess it’s just that I rarely get time with family and dc haven’t met him yet so he won’t be ‘included’ per se, it would mean me taking time out to spend with him.

OP posts:
Alwayslookonthebrightside1 · 21/02/2024 22:14

Sounds like you need to run a mile if you’re scared of his reaction. Your instincts are telling you somethings not right here, listen to them!

(Good news he hasn’t met your children yet! A lot easier to remove him from your life, delete number and move on..)

CherrySocks · 21/02/2024 22:14

freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:10

I actually feel nervous at the thought of saying no.

The fact you feel nervous about telling him something reasonable suggests there is a problem.

Original poster
freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:15

Just checking if it is ‘reasonable’ though. As he always dresses it up as him being more spontaneous than me and wanting to spend time with me. But I actually like making independent plans at times.

OP posts:
Pumpkinpie1 · 21/02/2024 22:16

He’s a red flat

SamW98 · 21/02/2024 22:16

You’ve only been with him 8 months and he’s controlling you by invading into your personal time with family and you’re scared to say no to him.

Honestly he’s showing you his red flags loud and clear - don’t ignore your gut, he will only get worse.

And please don’t even think about living with him

SamW98 · 21/02/2024 22:17

freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:15

Just checking if it is ‘reasonable’ though. As he always dresses it up as him being more spontaneous than me and wanting to spend time with me. But I actually like making independent plans at times.

No it’s neither reasonable or spontaneous- it’s controlling and manipulative

Marblessolveeverything · 21/02/2024 22:18

He is miles long of red flags.

CherrySocks · 21/02/2024 22:18

If you want to spend the time with your mum and you can see him at any time at home, he should be able to understand this.
If he cannot understand it then it seems that you and he are not compatible.

Mabelface · 21/02/2024 22:18

Nah, he's keeping tabs on you. Go see your mum as planned after you've dumped him. Like fuck do you need permission from him.

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