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Original poster

Dp won’t let me just have a week away with family

804 replies

freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:05

Curious about this. How would you feel if you planned a weeks holiday with your dc to meet up with your mum who lives overseas, when dp of 8 months is also on a planned trip to see his family elsewhere, and then dp said he wanted to come and meet up with you on your holiday despite the fact you’d booked and made plans?

this has actually happened to me twice now with this person. I’m not sure if it’s a controlling red flag. We live really close together and see each other all the time, so it’s not a LDR or anything. I was looking forward to a trip with my mum and dc. I feel like if I said that to Dp he would take offence, which is why last time I said yes to him crashing and I ended up taking a day and a night away from my family.

OP posts:
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12
unsync · 21/02/2024 22:30

freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:10

I actually feel nervous at the thought of saying no.

And that's an automatic 'dump him' from me. Not doing something he wants you to and feeling nervous about his reaction is a really bad sign. Walk away now.

mathanxiety · 21/02/2024 22:30

freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:22

Last time, he badgered me til I said yes to meeting up. I felt like saying no would lead to a sulk.

Another pair of red flags there. Badgering and sulking.

He doesn't take your no as an answer. He doesn't respect your no. He's trying to erode your boundaries.

Sulking is a way to punish you and keep your attention firmly in him and his feelings (his performance, actually).

This man brings nothing to your life.

Please dump him.

crystalize · 21/02/2024 22:31

Sulking and silent treatment to make you feel bad and worried about him. Classic emotional manipulation. Run a mile from this one, it will only get worse.

Just text him to say you don't want him there. Then you don't have to deal with the sulky twat. If he hassles you, ignore. Better still, dump him.

mathanxiety · 21/02/2024 22:31

freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:28

I think you are all right. God this sucks as I do really like him but I’m sick of worrying about his reactions and I do think he is clingy. I know if we don’t speak at least every day on this trip he will also sulk.

Oh yes - dump.

This is controlling nonsense.

AllEars112232 · 21/02/2024 22:31

New2024 · 21/02/2024 22:12

Maybe he thinks it’s good to be included and wondering why you are holding him distant from meet ups

Our massive he's being ridiculously possessive? They have been together for only 8 months!

Sceptical123 · 21/02/2024 22:31

freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:13

@New2024 maybe… I guess it’s just that I rarely get time with family and dc haven’t met him yet so he won’t be ‘included’ per se, it would mean me taking time out to spend with him.

He’s insecure/jealous/controlling.

Now is the time to lay down boundaries OP or he will get worse. Take control. It’s not like you’re in a long distance relationship
with him, you see him regularly, so why does he feel the need to take time away from your mum? You don’t need to give him a reason but surely the fact you don’t see her as regularly as you see him, coupled with the fact you are or have been going through something serious is a reasonable explanation?

If he gets annoyed - ask him why - don’t be passive and worried about his response. Tell him you were worried about telling him - which is a massive red flag - and gauge his reaction. If he is dismissive or angry tell him it’s over. It would get worse and seriously bad for you and your kids if they are living with you if you give him any control over what you are and aren’t allowed to do - who you can spend time with etc.

He should be mature enough and respectful enough to be fine with you spending time with your family without him.

Don’t accept this behaviour OP. He is potentially isolating you from family (under the guise of loving and missing you) which is a sign of abuse. It’s pathetic he can’t be without you for a week. Sounds really off.

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 21/02/2024 22:31

freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:28

I think you are all right. God this sucks as I do really like him but I’m sick of worrying about his reactions and I do think he is clingy. I know if we don’t speak at least every day on this trip he will also sulk.

Omg. That's even more of a red flag. Dump him so you can really enjoy your holiday. This is not a keeper by any stretch of anyone's imagination.

Mudflaps · 21/02/2024 22:31

He's a walking talking red flag and he's waving his controlling ways straight in your face. He's not met your dc but expects you to cut your holiday with them to spend even more time with him and you're nervous of telling him no, please dump him asap and move on. He is trouble, if you stay with him and he meets your dc he will be a nightmare and make their life a misery.

Moosegooseontheloose · 21/02/2024 22:32

Tell him you’re spending time with your mum and he’s not invited.End of! 2’s company 3’s a crowd

It’s a huge red flag that he doesn’t respect your privacy and space and thinks it’s ok to invite himself without asking.
A bigger red flag you feeling nervous about telling him something reasonable.

He has no qualms about offending you. Why are you so keen not to offend him?
What about your mum? Do you not care about him offending her?
It’s all about him isn’t it ?
You need to be blunt with him and put a stop to it. Some people won’t take a hint.You need to set firm boundaries and stick to them.

Preferably LTB. If he’s like this so early on, how will this escalate later on? ( and it will)

Sceptical123 · 21/02/2024 22:33

Bin bin bin 🗑️

Wizzadorra70 · 21/02/2024 22:33

I would message him saying it's not convenient, you've made plans and will see him on your return. And then turn your phone off so you're not dealing with his feelings.

HalebiHabibti · 21/02/2024 22:34

Don't date a sulky whiny man. Just don't. It won't get better!

Do tell him he is both those things when you break up. I still regret chickening out with my specimen.

pinkdelight · 21/02/2024 22:35

The sulking and badgering and this - persuaded me to go and see his family for a night and 2 days which meant leaving my dc with my family - is all deeply unattractive and manipulative. Clingy is minimising what he's doing. He's controlling you and it's only 8 months in. Get rid now before you're really too scared. And well done for keeping the DC out of this. Now tell him no, draw the line and enjoy your time with your mum and dc. You can do a lot better than this one.

averylongtimeago · 21/02/2024 22:37

He sulks.
He badgers you until he gets his own way.
He doesn't want you to see your family on your own.
You worry about telling him things you know he won't like.

Life is too short for this crap.
He won't get any better- get rid and enjoy the time with your mum.

frozendaisy · 21/02/2024 22:37

His reaction is not your problem

Boo hoo

MillshakePickle · 21/02/2024 22:39

This is more than him just being clingy. It's textbook manipulation. Do what I want, or I'll sulk and guilt trip you. This is how it starts. It's far too soon for him to just be jumping in like that.

Also, after 8 months, you shouldn't feel nervous about saying no and putting in boundaries and worrying about the fall out. His moods or him sulking. You have specifically booked time off to go and see your mum with your dc. It's has nothing to do with him. It's not like you can't be contacted by text or phone.

Be firm, say you're going and don't have time to make alternative arrangements, you'll see him when you're back etc.

Stay strong x

Newlywedish · 21/02/2024 22:39

freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:28

I think you are all right. God this sucks as I do really like him but I’m sick of worrying about his reactions and I do think he is clingy. I know if we don’t speak at least every day on this trip he will also sulk.

It’s not normal to worry about reactions 🚩

Original poster
freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:40

He has dumped me before and I think he did that as a control thing. As he has threatened our relationship since when it hasn’t gone his way. I take things very slow as I have dc and a busy life and I don’t want to live with a man again unless it’s for sure.
he on the other hand has no dc and he has always rushed into relationships. Even his family apparently told him it was a red flag he hadn’t met my dc. Wtf! It’s my choice. as is how I spend my holidays. I literally see him every other day if not every day.

OP posts:
Original poster
freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:41

I feel really sad but today I just feel done with worrying about his reacrions. He is so bloody high maintenance.

OP posts:
Original poster
freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:42

I know he will say ‘just meet me for an afternoon’ but I don’t want to! I don’t know why.‘it’s almost like him not respecting my plans makes me not want to see him. I am cross he is doing this. It’s a turn off. Does that make me horrible?

OP posts:
CryptoFascist · 21/02/2024 22:42

Anyone who throws around threats to break up during arguments or disagreements isn't worth your time. Please just end it. Enjoy your holiday with your family.

goingrouge · 21/02/2024 22:43

freddosarebest · 21/02/2024 22:10

I actually feel nervous at the thought of saying no.

This tells you everything you need to know.
End it, block and move on.

CryptoFascist · 21/02/2024 22:43

Oh and he sounds like a lovebombing abuser in the making.
Always throws himself into relationships? I bet he does.

Copperoliverbear · 21/02/2024 22:44

Red flag, run a mile

AllEars112232 · 21/02/2024 22:45

@freddosarebest you are not horrible! But you are way too nice to this person.
He's causing you grief and disrupting your holiday. Please cut your losses now. Have time with your mum and be free!!