Called the police

[Userccjlnhibibljn8]

I finally snapped and called the police this evening, and my husband has been arrested. He was drunk and angry and hit me. It’s been escalating for months. In between feeling heartbroken what do I do next. Someone will be calling me in the morning to discuss next steps, and I assume if I want to take things further. We are married so what do I do? I put most money into the house, and I don’t want to have to be the one who leaves. Has anyone else been here and have advice. My heart can’t quite believe I have done this, but my head says I need to be safe and nothing short of a miracle can take us back to a good place.

Do not contemplate having him back.

Three women a week are killed by their partners or ex partners and many more are seriously injured both physically and mentally.

Get in touch with women’s aid [[https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/ www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

I have met many women who have been abused as volunteered for a DV charity.

At this point it’s a time of real confusion and you will be in a state of shock. Get some real life support and come back to your post I have seen many women supported on MN over the years that have been abused.

You need to see a solicitor for advice on splitting assets, some offer 30 minutes free advice. Take notes in this meeting.

Wishing you the best.

Massive hugs. Well done.

Please take all the support you can get. Don't listen to him when he says he won't do it again.

He did it once. Enough.

No advice, but well done you for reporting him.
I grew up in a violent household, I wished my mum had reported him much sooner. Yes the aftermath was tough, but the final result was worth it.
Stay strong. Get legal advice. And talk to the police, they are there to help you.

You've been so strong reporting him. Don't weaken yourself now by taking him back. He will punish you anyway if you do take him back as he won't forgive you for calling the police. He won't say that at first of course.

There will be a number of things he'll do now. He will threaten, cry, promise, say he will commit suicide… He'll do this on rotation but he won't mean any of it.

How are you today @Userccjlnhibibljn8 ?

Hi, pretty shaky. I’ve just given a statement to the police and am waiting to hear when he will be bailed. I’ve. Chatted with women’s aid, Made plans for the dogs, and have to start exploring the civil restraining steps. Trying to be practical around the grief I’m feeling. I hope the bail conditions will prevent him being near me in the short term, and then I work out the longer terms. I have friends who are helping. Thank you for asking

In terms of the house can you afford to run it alone? Do you even want to stay there if there are bad memories or would you actually prefer a completely fresh start?

Keep talking to people, stay on this track don't take him back or he'll just do it again, don't accept his apologies it should never have gotten to that stage.

The police should bail him to stay away, its such a horrible experience.

Do you have kids?

The grief you feel is for what should have been but wasn't and can never be.

Don't relent and give him any opportunity to hurt you again.

Thank you for updating, try and eat even if just a little and keep hydrated. I’m glad you have some friends in real life who you can spend some time with. It’s going to be a roller coaster of emotions, that’s normal.

Do small things that make you feel nourished.

No woman deserves to be hit ever just remember that.

You’re doing the right thing. Stay strong!

Please don't make the mistake of ever taking him back.

Police bail will last for 3 weeks and he will be bailed to an address elsewhere with conditions attached. Use that time to seek a non-molestation and/or occupation order. The NCDV will be able to help and advise. Get the police to refer you to an IDVA as well.

This was me 2 weeks ago, he's been bailed for 3 weeks. I'm still in pain, he's playing the victim, I'm upset but am not being put up with being hit.

Feeling so rubbish still.

One step at a time. You’re doing well and you know you did the right thing.
Escalating violence is always the sign to stop it there.
Don’t minimise what he did, and what the has done in the past. Make sure police and other agencies you speak to know the full facts. It’s not being nasty, it’s keeping you safe and alive. We all know violent men can kill.

So sorry you're going through this, you've had some stellar advice already. Take things one day at a time and be kind to yourself.

This is NOT your fault. NOT YOUR FAULT. Please don't ever EVER think otherwise, not even for a second. I forbid it.

Love and huge hugs to you. You did the right thing and thank God you did.

Thank you everyone No children, just dogs! I can afford to run the house. I am the breadwinner, he was retired, but was not drawing down his pension. Unfortunately both our names are on the house and I’ll need a shit hot lawyer. Fortunately I have many lawyer friends who will help me get to the right person . I’m not sure I want to stay here, we’ve only been in the house for 4 months so memories could be remade, it is in the right place for work, and I don’t have the energy to move again, not decisions I have to make just yet. I’m waiting to hear about him being bailed, it’s coming up to 24 hours. A close relative of his has called me to say she won’t have him, speaks volumes……I’m ok and in control.

Oh good, glad you're feeling OK. I have a similar thread running this happened 2 weeks ago to me.

Hopefully he's be bailed with conditions to not come to the address.

Really hoping he abides by conditions too. Don't be afraid to speak up if he doesn't

Thank you for all the online support. I have good real life support also. He has been bailed for 2 months with conditions to not contact etc so that gives breathing space. The practicalities distract from the emotions.

Thanks for your further update, stay strong you are doing well.

Bail conditions will cover him not coming near you until court.
If hes found guilty, you can ask for a restraining order. If hes found not guilty or it doesnt go to court, you can apply for a non molestation order. All have power of arrest if he breaches the conditions

How likely is this to go to court? I know it is impossible to really answer. I have a lot of text message evidence, plus a short video of part of one of the incidents and a third party witness to an act of anger on his part, as well as all the he said/she said.