Called the police

[Userccjlnhibibljn8]

I finally snapped and called the police this evening, and my husband has been arrested. He was drunk and angry and hit me. It’s been escalating for months. In between feeling heartbroken what do I do next. Someone will be calling me in the morning to discuss next steps, and I assume if I want to take things further. We are married so what do I do? I put most money into the house, and I don’t want to have to be the one who leaves. Has anyone else been here and have advice. My heart can’t quite believe I have done this, but my head says I need to be safe and nothing short of a miracle can take us back to a good place.

I hadn’t seen updates on your thread for a long time, I responded first all that time ago and did see you pop up sometimes. Seems like you have had a rollercoaster of a year and I’m glad that you are having therapy and doing so well as you have been through so much, take care.

@ViciousCurrentBun Thank you for being there in the small hours to point me towards Woman’s Aid. I spoke with them that morning as soon as their lines opened. It has truly been a year, and I am grateful I have got this far. X

I thought I would pop in to update. I have found getting through the first anniversary of all the last phase of shit a huge relief. It distances me from the ‘this time last year’ dialogue and I have genuinely started to feel the lightening of spirits.
I still miss him and grieve for the version of him I married, there hasn’t been a day yet that I haven’t cried or suppressed that, but I am coming out the other side. I don’t think I believed that would happen at points over the last 14 months, but you were all right. …
I had a good conversation with my father over the weekend (a joy as finding lucid times with him now is rare) and was able to say that my wedding day was the happiest day of my life, and I don’t regret my marriage, I wish the end of our story had been different.
The financial consequences of this all have been monumental, a number that for so many would be impossible, but I am very fortunate to have the ability to manage it.
I sit here tonight, with my dogs, crying, butknowing I will be Ok…. He wasn’t OK, and in the end made the choice to end his life (now confirmed ). I hate that he felt that, but equally feel better that it was his active choice….and most of the time know that this was all his actions and choices and not my fault.
I come back to this thread often and am so grateful to you all for listening to me, sharing your stories and experiences, helping me wobble my head when needed, and helping me navigate this horrible journey I never dreamed would be mine.
Much love, and thanks xxx🌹

I thought of you the other day. I'm pleased to hear that you're moving forward with a healthy perspective. Even though there was such a sad ending, the love you shared with the man you married was very real. Blessings, love.💙

I am glad you are starting to feel at peace 💐

Being able to look back and accept and even appreciate the decisions you made before the whole story evolved is a peaceful place to be. Well done. You have survived and triumphed- and get to enjoy the next chapter of being older and even wiser!

So pleased to read you are moving forward and finding peace slowly.
You really deserve to.

You are the bravest poster. It was awful reading what you were going through.
We can never make choices for another.
He chose his path.
In time you will be able to cherish the good memories.
It is time for you to really embrace the future you so fully deserve.

@Userccjlnhibibljn8 glad things are getting a bit easier for you. His death is a sorrow even though he wasn't the man you'd loved anymore but it's true what the say, time does heal you.

We scattered my husbands ashes today, with his children and sister, in a place he would have loved. I was touched when his son said I was family and needed to be there. Maybe I have lost my partner, but gained a family.

So many mixed feelings, but overall I cannot believe how much better I feel now than this time last year, as I am moving towards closure. One more big thing to be done before logistically and financially I can say this sad part of my life is done.
I feel a bit self indulgent keeping posting here, but I do know I like hearing how other posters stories carry on so hopefully you are all OK with it.

I went swimming again a week or two ago, and remember how significant it felt last year, and the wonderful support I got from you all. I hope you are all doing ok.

So to others who may open this post who are searching for advice with the horrible world you find yourself in….there is another side, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

🌺🌹🌼

What a lovely, positive instalment to your story. Well done, and congratulations on the family!

So lovely to hear you sounding strong, and calm.
Can I ask @Userccjlnhibibljn8 did you keep your house?

Yes, that is the thing to be sorted, just waiting on probate and some money stuff. It will cost me, but it is less than the divorce will have been.
I am pretty sure I will stay in the house now, we were only here 4 months before everything happened, so in reality the memories are limited, and I am lucky to have ended up somewhere with a great sense of community.

I am so glad you got to say goodbye alongside family. Situations can become very fractured, so I think your inclusion here and the sentiments expressed are very, very important.
Here’s to your continued peace.

@Userccjlnhibibljn8 thank you for the update - I have often thought about you & how you’ve been getting on.

💐❤️

Today would have been our 11th wedding anniversary. My dogs and I have rented a cottage by the beach and are doing OK. I realised I needed to sit with my feelings and not try to be busy, and it has been an OK day, we walked, the dogs got wet and soggy and I toasted my marriage with a glass of wine watching the sunset over a harbour in Cornwall, while the dogs flirted with the people at the next table. My wedding day was the happiest of my life, I hope I am laying the groundwork for more happiness.
This post has become a journal for me, and I appreciate that 🌅

How very healthy to be able to articulate that! Well done. Cheers- here’s to the next chapter. May it be be big on contentment and low on drama!

So very touched by this thread and your story OP ......,you've articulated so perfectly in your posts, the full range of emotions those of us who fell in love and married abusive weak men , feel ......

You will get there OP.
This is just a chapter that is now a part of your past.
Really wishing you well.

I’ve come back to this thread to report that finally probate has happened and I have finalised the last financial and logistical part of the process. So I am now completely free of his influence on my life, and can now make any decisions about where I live without constraints. A big moment and milestone.

I’m still thinking my way through the whole 2 people aspect of life with him, and am amazed about how much happened in the last 2 and a bit years….it seems like much longer, and sometimes I feel that the 12 ish years of my life with him never really happened. So onwards….for those still early in the journey there is another side, keep putting one foot in front of the other. 🌷🌻🐾

Thank you for the update! I hope you’ve been well xxx

Thank you for your update xxx I've watched your story from the beginning and know you've been through an extraordinary mentally challenging time xxx. It's great that probate is now through and you feel free from his influence once and for all xxx I wish you the best of positive things in the future xxx

I’m really glad that this last obstacle has been negotiated, and the path ahead is whatever you choose it to be!

Yes, I have been well. I have gone from frantically filling my days to a much more laid back feeling, and the adrenaline is leaving my system. It is quite a jolt to look back on my distress in this post, and remember how difficult much of the last 2 years (-and in reality many more) were. I have been very fortunate in my circumstances to be able to pick myself up practically and financially, and am now able to look forward to a positive future.