Called the police

[Userccjlnhibibljn8]

I finally snapped and called the police this evening, and my husband has been arrested. He was drunk and angry and hit me. It’s been escalating for months. In between feeling heartbroken what do I do next. Someone will be calling me in the morning to discuss next steps, and I assume if I want to take things further. We are married so what do I do? I put most money into the house, and I don’t want to have to be the one who leaves. Has anyone else been here and have advice. My heart can’t quite believe I have done this, but my head says I need to be safe and nothing short of a miracle can take us back to a good place.

Thank you all so much for thinking of me. It was a good and honest day and very sad. He was an amazing person in one way who achieved something special in his career, who was also possessed by demons, who caused him to greatly hurt those who loved him.
i am drained and some very good friends are looking after me tonight. Xxx

I’m glad you have company. It’s done.

I haven’t commented before but have followed your story. You have been brave and strong, and hopefully the worst is past and you can now start to heal. Well done & keep going.

Agree with PP you have been very brave. You have been through so, so much.
Hope yesterday, as awful as it was, enables you to sit with the good part of the person you have lost.
And from now on you can spend some time gently easing yourself back into the world.
You did the very best you could, under the most difficult of circumstances.
You still have your own very precious life to lead. It is valuable and worthy and belongs to you alone.
My thoughts are with you.

Hello, I’ve been exhausted all week, in the end I took the full week off, which I needed. I’ve managed to sort out a corner of the house that has been a blocker for me (think collection of cuddly toys that probably meant more to us than a marriage certificate), and put the emotional things away in a safe but not neglected spot. I am feeling much calmer, and I think ready to start looking forward. So much anxiety is gone, just my parents to sort out now, but that is a different type of stress.

Amazingly my work have offered me a new opportunity, which is just my sort of thing, I’d have sacked me by now based on my performance over last couple of years. I am very fortunate.

Onwards 🌺

Amazingly my work have offered me a new opportunity, which is just my sort of thing, I’d have sacked me by now based on my performance over last couple of years. I am very fortunate

Ooh that's exciting!

I think your work have seen your incredible strength and resilience through this whole nightmare and thought 'wow, this person is just who we want in this role'.

I am so happy for you, for your promotion. A lovely sign that you are valued and have a bright future.
👏

That’s so positive! You’ve taken time to recover, cleared a blockage, and been offered new opportunities!

What a great way to stride into a fresh chapter!

You can let things settle mentally and emotionally now. They will sort of sift through themselves subconsciously, organising themselves into happy memories, dramas and crises, resolving into a tapestry that includes all the elements that seemed contradictory at the time but are still part of the puzzle. You’ll be able to view it with more perspective. Eventually it will just be on a wall somewhere in the head for you to look at when you actually want to.

As for parents… well, all I can say is, solidarity sisters!

For the first time in the 11 months I think I am genuinely feeling relief that this is all over. I’ve had some long conversations with his ex wife (now there’s a funny dynamic) and as we talked about the egg shells and the way that the abnormal became normalised I realised I am so grateful that is not my life now, and how much tension and stress I held in me for so long. I am sure Christmas will have its moments, but I am not dreading it.

And in other news my father will be discharged from hospital in the next few days into a nursing home, so a positive (ish) step there.
Thank you for listening xxx

I'm really glad to hear this. It sounds like you are really moving along this road in a good way - you're not rushing or detouring, but slowly and steadily making the progress you need to make.

Have a wonderful Christmas with your friends and family.

You deserve the best.
Don't feel guilt at feeling this relief.
It is a sign that mentally you are healthier than you realise.
You have been released and blessed by it.
You deserve to move forward from this chapter.
I am so pleased for you.

That must feel hugely satisfying- you’ve been working on faith that you are doing the right thing, that it will all get better despite how crap it was in the moment- and now you start to reap the rewards, one relief lightened day at a time. I may be shedding a little tear for you! Well done. So well done.

So glad to read your update. I hope Christmas brings you peace and 2025 some well deserved joy! X

Onwards and upwards Op. Have a happy Christmas and a good NY

You have been thinking of you @Userccjlnhibibljn8 you have been so brave this year.
Hope Christmas brings you a bit of peace and 2025, too.
You deserve it x

All best wishes to all of you who have helped me through the last year. I would never have dreamt that this could have been how life would turn out . I’ve turned down NYE invites to spend the evening with my dogs and Prosecco.
I am doing Ok, still sad, but that is very much about the hope, that I now know was a vain hope….
I have been pointed to this year’s Reith lectures, fascinating so far, I recommend them.
Onwards 🌲🐶🐾🐾🐾

@Userccjlnhibibljn8 you have come such a very long way in just a year - freedom, sorrow, promotion... Your new life is still very much a work in progress but speaking as someone who is now 7 years out I can tell you I am damn sure you are going to fly.

I'm wishing you so much happiness for 2025. You really deserve it and more xxx

You deserve a peaceful and promising 2024. You have been through so much, and throughout have conducted yourself with dignity and kindness.
Your story has touched so many of us @Userccjlnhibibljn8
Thanks for the update and enjoy your bubbles.

I hope 2025 will be your year Op, you've had years of stress, time for you to have some happiness

Hello again, I can't believe it is almost a year since I created this thread. It makes me ache to think that a year ago I had no idea that this is was what would happen. I'm in a very thoughtful phase, as on one level the surprises and trauma are over. There is no way he can reach out beyond the grave and do anything that will impact me, other than in the continual jolts as I see something or go somewhere that was part of our 12 ish years together. The first anniversaries are nearly over.

This thread, and others I have been on are such a support, and have been so helpful in letting me process and think with accountability. So I hope you will indulge me again.

My therapist has confirmed that where I am is not unusual, the response is the same, but the triggers are different - so last week I walked down a street I hadn't been down since it all happened, it had good memories as I had bought something in a junk shop that made us laugh. I had to sit down an pull myself together. I think I am doing all the right things, keeping busy, but allowing myself space, although that is hard as the situation with my parents continues, but the cycle of feelings is hard, and I don't think I have really felt my spirits rise in a year.

I don't want to make this update a negative one, and I think it is positive that rather than my feelings last year where I felt compelled to update and seek feedback I suddenly realised that it was over a month since I was last here, and I do now understand the cycle of feelings. So I will conclude with the blessings, and the things that might not have happened if I had not been through the last year
I have learned to crochet with my sister in law!
I have built a friendship that will last with connections of my husband, that otherwise I would not
My village social life is blooming (literally) with getting involved in a summer floral festival, and connecting with so many neighbours.
I'm still singing with the choir
The dogs are feral, so I need to get training again
My house is calm, and has become a refuge that I am comfortable to spend time in.

I hope this will be useful to others, it's not a straightforward journey, and not one I would wish on anyone, but it is better than the eggshells and anxiety anytime.

Thank you for listening xxx

Well done. So many connections- that’s awesome I love crochet too, but am sadly out of practice.

The cycles of emotion thing is so interesting. Life is very wave like, seasons, tides of being. Things come and go, assume huge importance then fade away. Learning to roll with that takes persistence, I think.

Is it Buddhism? That acceptance and detachment that actually lets you live intensely in the moment? I think so. Inexpert as I am 🤣

Wishing you a happy and peaceful future x

What a wonderful update to read after such an awful year for you.
Thank you for coming back on letting us know how you are getting on.
I am sure so many of us have been inspired by your story and you so deserve a happy and healthy future.