Is it reasonable to charge my partner rent?

[Butterflygypsy]

I'm an older mum with grown up children and have been divorced for a few years. I'm very fortunate in owning my own home and the mortgage is paid off, so I don't have that expense to worry about. I live on my own. I don't earn much so my home is my only real asset.

I have a lovely partner who earns more than me and he's always rented so he doesn't own any property. He's thinking of moving in with me but he thinks it's reasonable that he pays half of the gas, electricity, council tax, etc, but no extra to cover the maintenance of the flat. I think he should pay more than just half the utility costs as he'll be saving money on rent where he currently lives and he will be causing wear and tear by being in the house. He doesn't think he should pay towards the upkeep of the flat as its my flat.

Am I being unreasonable?

I’d think if you love each other you’d think you should both be better off by moving in together. So he saves on rent but pays you some of it so you too benefit from inviting him to live in your home.

As far as I'm concerned, the only good reason for sharing a house in later life is that you can't afford to live in it alone.

Or they're trying to offload middle aged sons

He could have all sorts of homeless relatives and then twist your arm trying to get you to let them move in, or he loses his job and you can't throw him out because then he'll be homeless.
Too much of a liability, once he moves in it's much easier for him to exploit you, keep up the constant low-level pressure to get you to do what benefits him to your detriment.

If I was moving in with someone I would expect to pay half the bills AND make a reasonable contribution to the house (whether mortgaged or not). Half my current rent is a win-win. The OP gains half a rent and the man moving in saves half a rent.

OP - You could tell him you'll move in with him rent free whilst renting out your house (and you pocket the lot!). That's the same deal but the other way around!

It's not about owning it is about living
if we are a couple living together then yes
You don't say i'm not contributing in case we break up further down the line and you get more benefit than me
It would be our home, our kitchen.

Paying rent sounds more like a lodger than an equal partnership and you can't be a very committed couple if its not an equal partnership

What a bizarre way for him to go about selling the concept of cohabiting with you. He seems like he's treating you like a landlord, in that he says it's 'your flat'' so you should pay for maintenence etc, in which case you should charge him rent. If expects not to pay rent or have any responsibility over costs incurred then he's in dream land. So say the boiler that has heated his water every day breaks down, but you have to buy a new boiler? This does not sound responsible or adult at all from him. Or tell him to do one would be my personal view.

What she means is if carpets need replacing or the washing machine breaks down. He is saying it's her house so shouldn't have to invest his own money into it. Even though he would have those expenses if he was renting.

It's all very well saying that, but if they break up and he's got evidence that he's spent money on flooring, or renovations, or a new kitchen/bathroom, he could take her to court over it.

Saying "it's our home" is all very nice, but it's also OP's house and she needs to be smart enough to protect it at all costs.

Yep. He nearly had his foot in the door. If only he hadn’t insisted he wanted to pay nothing beyond bills.

It really is quite unattractive to be both greedy AND not smart with money.

I suppose if he has been kind to you, it’s beneficial to you both to carry on as before, if that was working brilliantly. Tell him, if it ain’t broke, why try to fix it?

Well done to all the Vipers here, some amazing and brilliant advice!

Gosh, I absolutely love this place sometimes.

Someone made a good point earlier. It wouldn't be half of your current bills. And that rings true. when my son left for uni. My outgoings on food energy, water etc dropped by over 50% .

I don't think he was particularly financially responsible until he met me four years ago. He seems to have settled now and is thinking more of his future and financial needs

Hmmm - IME personalities are pretty settled by the time someone's in their 50s and I'd worry this newfound "responsibility" is a smokescreen to enable his moving in

Luckily you said he won't be doing that, and I like your idea of renting together (while also renting out yours) to see how it goes
Of course, if he then objects to the money this would cost which he'd otherwise save then you've got your answer

I am also mid 50s and very happily married but if I wasn't there is absolutely no way that I would invite someone to cohabit with me. Women in their 50s+ who live alone seem to have a brilliant time - why give up your independence and own space to tidy up after some dude!

I see red flags all over it - why cohabit? What is a 'partner' - friends with benefits? Why do you need this hassle in your life?

Re-phrase it. A grown man wants to live with me free of charge, free of any responsibilities because he is ONLY a 'partner' whatever it may mean. Well dodgy.

I answered on a different post that I will never live with another man again. I love the peace that having my own home brings.

When you have your own home you sacrifice holidays and experiences to cover the mortgage and everything else. If someone doesn't want a secure home like this and wants to spend their money on other things then that is their choice. It doesn't mean that they can then fall back on those of us who did sacrifice.

I believe that whether you are a man or a woman you have to pay for where you live.

I'm so pleased you are keeping your lovely home to yourself.

Ha ha

Well, quite

Saw a pp say OP will be better off as he will share utilities... but he'll be better off sharing utilities too AND saving hundreds of pounds in rent on top. It really isn't equally beneficial.

I can't imagine giving up the joy of my own space for anyone no matter how wonderful I think they are so maybe I'd just never think it was a good idea though! How would him moving in improve your life OP, that's all that you need to consider! Don't do it just because he doesn't want to keep renting unless it is going to make you happier than you already are.

Another thing to think about in a flat is that you are paying a Service Charge and Ground Rent every year to be able to continue to live in that property, consequently the annual costs of living in a flat are much higher than those when you live in a mortgage free house.

Nah - wants the whole bloody bakery

interesting To compare and contrast. Almost tempting to revise that thread and let the two run in parallel

'The joy of my own space' sums it up beautifully. I wouldn't give it up for any man.

Thank you, I agree!

Be very careful as any payments towards the property itself could be used to claim an interest in the flat when you split.

Maybe a 60/40 spilt on bills would be better or he can cover an extra food shop per month