Is it reasonable to charge my partner rent?

[Butterflygypsy]

I'm an older mum with grown up children and have been divorced for a few years. I'm very fortunate in owning my own home and the mortgage is paid off, so I don't have that expense to worry about. I live on my own. I don't earn much so my home is my only real asset.

I have a lovely partner who earns more than me and he's always rented so he doesn't own any property. He's thinking of moving in with me but he thinks it's reasonable that he pays half of the gas, electricity, council tax, etc, but no extra to cover the maintenance of the flat. I think he should pay more than just half the utility costs as he'll be saving money on rent where he currently lives and he will be causing wear and tear by being in the house. He doesn't think he should pay towards the upkeep of the flat as its my flat.

Am I being unreasonable?

When my now dh moved in with me I treated him as a lodger.
(I had another lodger who I had to move out to accommodate him so a bit easier to have the conversation).
angway I charged him a modest rate inclusive of bills and a bit extra. It amounted to about half of the total outgoings. Now at the time my mortgage was tiny so he had a very good deal which helped both of us save for our first joint house about 2 years later.
but regardless I would have expected him to pay his way, perhaps paying a bit less than he otherwise would be paying for rent to make it more attractive (assuming you want him to move in).

Maybe I’m the weird one but I think it’s madness to charge rent to someone living with you when you have no mortgage left.

half the utilities and food is fine.
why do you need to benefit anymore?

it’s your flat. You own it. If you die it goes to your kids. Him paying rent I’m certain could be seen as going towards the property therefore he could end up entitled to some so id be very careful.

if he beaks something, he pays for it.
what sort of general wear and tear do you mean? You’d have to agree what would class as a joint cost and what wouldn’t if it breaks

Hell no. He sounds like he’s trying to sponge off you. Don’t let him it’s a slippery slope that’s how it starts

your flat. You own it. If you die it goes to your kids. Him paying rent I’m certain could be seen as going towards the property therefore he could end up entitled to some so id be very careful.

😂😂. There'd be some very nervous landlords if that were true.

YANBU what they call a cocklodger. Please don't let him move in with you. He will take the piss.

She's responsible for them anyway!

Go on line, look at prices of RENTS,
GET HIM to pay Half that Plus YOU ESTIMATE what half of bills are and ADD that.
Then you have to estimate FOOD.
All this is reasonable.
Bear in mind the Legal connotations.
IF hes paying HALF then its complicated getting him evicted. ( I think)
So you could keep it ' informal' and A SECRET ESTIMATE of The Running costs. Tell him its money towards The Running of the House - not RENT as such.
If hes still arguing then maybe he could do his OWN estimations And Show you his calculations.

Stay AWAY from formal agreements with Lawyers.
Just ask for a contribution to the running of the house.
HALF GOING RENT. ( For the area)
HALF BILLS.
MONEY TOWARDS FOOD.
Absolutely NO LAWYERS because then HE BECOMES a formal Lodger and its something which DONT EXIST but LAWYERS will have a great time mulling it all over.
Property Law is so COMPLICATED. Its best to keep it casual. So it should be with lovers.

He already has nothing and he's been more than happy to pay a large sum in rent every month to his landlord for a home he will also never own.....

I wouldn’t ask for a rent to be honest but if something comes up (ie new boiler) ask for half of the amount. Not matter what you decide make sure you have a legal paperwork done that he won’t get part of the property in the event of a split up or death.

He won't like this one bit

Not sure if I’m reading it right, and no offence meant but you say ‘he’s thinking of moving in with me.’ Did you ask him or did he just suggest it? Either way as other posters have said just make sure you’re protecting your own interests
Hope you get it all sorted

I was also going to suggest something similar to this. He puts half of what he’s currently paying in rent aside and it is money for you both. Maybe not for home repairs, given the point others have made about being careful not to gain an interest in the house, but for other expenses eg holidays, car repairs, etc?

Property lawyer here - actually there is some truth in that. Tenants can’t get an interest in the landlord’s house because they have a formal tenancy agreement and pay rent pursuant to that.

It’s different with informal arrangements such as this. There is case law where cohabitees have successfully claimed an interest in a house owned by the other, based on contributions to either the mortgage, or running costs / maintenance. It’s harder to show it with running costs - essentially you have to show that there was an agreement / intention to grant an interest in the house - but it’s most certainly possible.

Erm, we are talking about the OPs boyfriend not some random punter off the street? If she sees him moving in as merely a long list of things she is 'giving up' rather then an exciting new phase in a loving relationship then perhaps that she should keep things casual. Personally if my partner viewed me moving in only through the lens of inconvenience and financial compensation I would probably end things.

He already has nothing and he's been more than happy to pay a large sum in rent every month to his landlord for a home he will also never own.....

He's currently in council accommodation @Letstrythatagaineh so he has a secure tenancy that way. Lots of council tenants don't feel the need to get a mortgage as they already have a permanent home, albeit a rented one.

Personally I think he'd be utterly stupid to give that up, but there we go!

If you’re anything like me it wouldn’t even be about the money, it’s about the assumption that he will not contribute more than a penny of half of the bills and not give you any form of rent. The stinginess in the face of you sharing your home with him is not just unattractive but it raises alarm bells about his financial motivation and attitude towards finances as a couple.

I think some of these comments are nuts sorry. I'm assuming OP actually likes this person and wants to spend time with them. If someone wanted some financial compensation for living with me, I would laugh in their face

He does have a private pension now. I also have one that I started when I was 18 but I had to stop when the kids came along. I'm going to restart payments into it now I'm not paying a mortgage.

Not having paid into your pension for so long means you need to be much more assertive and proactive about protecting your finances.

I wouldn’t let him move in. Protect your assets and get the best legal advice if you do go ahead but trust your instincts. I think you can see he is already acting selfishly and he hasn’t even moved in yet. Don’t be his retirement plan.

Not read the whole thread but if he does live in a council house as one of the comments suggests, he would be stupid to leave it for such an insecure situation.

If make or female partner - in this situation, I always think they should cover your half of bills or a bit more (remember single person loses council tax discount) and then add an amount for lodging, not full market rent equivalent but something for wear and tear. its the amount here that could be less as you’ve paid the mortgage off.

That way home owner is not losing out. Then person moving in is saving loads so they are able to save towards their own property if needed.
Got to be fair to both of you.

I would find a man in his 50s (or older) very unattractive if he had only ever rented, in spite of having a good income.

I'd be asking why.

Money isn't everything, but it begs the question why he wants to move in with you rather than buying his own home.

I'd wonder if he had debts, had a bad credit history or what his reasoning was behind never buying a home.

I don't think he should move in with you.

If he becomes unable to pay part of the bills, you could find yourself unable to get rid of him.

Move into his council house with him, share his bills and rent, rent out your flat and put all the income into your pension. If the relationship ends you both still have somewhere secure to live.

I don't know why he never thought about buying his own home before, I guess he never saw any need. In my mind I don't think he was particularly financially responsible until he met me four years ago. He seems to have settled now and is thinking more of his future and financial needs.

@Butterflygypsy Read this again ^^.

It says it all.

He's not been good with money. He is certainly thinking about his financial future now and sees you as the cash cow.

Is he is a house where he brought up his children? Or in a council house post-divorce? He doesn't come over as very aspirational - or lovely.

He comes over as a gold digger.

How can you not see this and even find him attractive?