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Original poster

Is it reasonable to charge my partner rent?

336 replies

Butterflygypsy · 12/02/2024 20:09

I'm an older mum with grown up children and have been divorced for a few years. I'm very fortunate in owning my own home and the mortgage is paid off, so I don't have that expense to worry about. I live on my own. I don't earn much so my home is my only real asset.

I have a lovely partner who earns more than me and he's always rented so he doesn't own any property. He's thinking of moving in with me but he thinks it's reasonable that he pays half of the gas, electricity, council tax, etc, but no extra to cover the maintenance of the flat. I think he should pay more than just half the utility costs as he'll be saving money on rent where he currently lives and he will be causing wear and tear by being in the house. He doesn't think he should pay towards the upkeep of the flat as its my flat.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
RadiatorHead · 14/02/2024 09:07

YABU. It’s your flat so you’re responsible for the upkeep of it. He’s not really costing you anymore (other than the bills) by moving in. I would just accept the bill money and be thankful that you have your asset. Make a will and make sure you have no financial ties though if you want it to be all yours though 🤷‍♀️

SchoolQuestionnaire · 14/02/2024 09:17

Butterflygypsy · 13/02/2024 15:21

I am going to ask my partner how he'd feel if we don't live together and see how he reacts. I'll also suggest the option of renting somewhere together and splitting the costs 50 /50 and I'll rent my house out (I have no intention of actually doing this but I'm interested to see his reaction).

This is a great plan and will give you a good idea of his motives.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 14/02/2024 09:19

Britpop123 · 12/02/2024 20:33

Amazing how you should never move into a man’s house without being out on the deeds or you shouldn’t pay a penny, but a man moving into a woman’s house needs to pay or he’s a cocklodger

I don’t see your logic here? Is this just another attempted swipe at women?

Fairyliz · 14/02/2024 09:22

Where you live op? My adult Dd currently lives in a city (not London) and pays £800 rent plus bills month for a shared flat.
She could move in with you, pay half the bills and she’s very clean and quiet and a superb cook.
You wouldn’t consider this would you, so why let this cheeky cocklodger move in.

Seeingadistance · 14/02/2024 09:25

Nanny0gg · 12/02/2024 20:20

He's tight.

How unattractive

Show quote history

Tight and dismissive of you.

Very unattractive.

He also doesn't understand the costs of owning a property - presumably because he's always rented and has no imagination or thinks that any repairs his landlords have done were somehow at no cost to anyone!

Nowvoyager99 · 14/02/2024 09:34

Honestly @Butterflygypsy I can’t see any benefit to you from living with this man. Plenty of benefits to him though.

I definitely wouldn’t allow him to move in. It looks like you are his retirement plan. No reason why you can’t continue as you are is there?

Butteryscones · 14/02/2024 09:38

I haven’t read everything but he cannot contribute to the upkeep of your property as he will then be entitled to something if you split.

It needs to be charged as rent with an agreement in place to ensure he cannot claim against your property.
The courts can award a percentage if they’ve paying towards upkeep, happened to a friend.

SocksMcR · 14/02/2024 09:38

Tell him to try that "I don't want to pay for maintenance as it's not my flat" thing on a landlord and see how far it gets him.

Do you want him to move in though? I'm not getting a very keen and in love vibe here

Bumcake · 14/02/2024 09:41

His plan leaves him quids in and you no better off, that wouldn’t fly for me.

CarpetSlipper · 14/02/2024 09:42

If I wanted to live with my partner and I had no mortgage, I’d be happy for him to contribute 50% towards our household costs. I’d probably expect to also have some joint savings (so if he’s well off he can pay into that) for retirement/holidays/unexpected job losses etc

Passingthethyme · 14/02/2024 09:43

Butterflygypsy · 13/02/2024 15:21

I am going to ask my partner how he'd feel if we don't live together and see how he reacts. I'll also suggest the option of renting somewhere together and splitting the costs 50 /50 and I'll rent my house out (I have no intention of actually doing this but I'm interested to see his reaction).

I'd tread very carefully if you genuinely like this person (although I'm not sure you do, or perhaps yoir assuming the worst of him). What would be the advantage of finding another place together if he loses his council house and also has to pay rent? (And obviously you're better off as you'll be making money off your rent). I think just stop for a minute and reverse the situation. If someone that supposedly loved me was making these suggestions I would see red flags. I can't imagine any situation where someone without a mortgage would charge their partner rent, it's absurd

PBJsandwich123 · 14/02/2024 09:47

GingerIsBest · 12/02/2024 20:32

So he will be massively better off every month - no rent, half of expenses- and you will be slightly better off (bills will go up but you will split them).

You will however still he responsible for maintenance and upkeep, at notable expense.

You will also lose significant living space as him and his stuff move in.
I can pretty much guarantee that you will find you will still be doing all the cooking, cleaning etc.

And to rub salt into the wound, he already earns more than you?

What a prince he is.

Agree with this. Even arranging maintenance is a pain into the butt so he'd still be getting a good deal if he pays rent. Explain to him you want to create a mutually beneficial arrangement - my guess is that the rent you would charge would undercut market prices so he's doing well.

PinkAnt · 14/02/2024 09:49

Having thought about this a lot I wouldn’t benefit at all from a partner moving into my home. All these posts about you’re saving on half your utilities and food etc aren’t factoring in the increase of these from the extra person.

During Covid for various reason my ex had to move back into the house and my utilities and groceries doubled because (me and my daughter are careful with usage and shop cheaply) and I also lost my single person council tax discount. The other person would need to live equally as frugally but even then the bills go up. On top of that the wear and tear increases, so things like the washing machine are used more and wear quicker, sofa is used more, carpets etc… which according to this thread they also shouldn’t contribute to as it’s my home. Though they’re not renters so they don’t have a rent but they’re also not paying a rent which would in a rental cover repairs so it’s win win for them.

Financially I’d actually be worse off and losing space in my home whilst they benefited massively financially. So if I was desperate to move in with someone I’d either have to rent out my house and we’d rent together or buy a place together.

LetusandLoveit · 14/02/2024 09:53

He must have had plenty of time to buy his council house/flat.
But chose not to. He chose to spend his income on 'hobbies'.

Usually, it's a very good deal- tenants can buy for less than the market value and some buy, then sell at a good profit.

So he comes over as irresponsible with money or naiive at best.

Not the sort of man you want to lodge in your home.

Rosscameasdoody · 14/02/2024 10:03

Butterflygypsy · 12/02/2024 20:20

I don't have a mortgage anymore so he wouldn't be contributing to that.

Show quote history

But if he contributes toward the upkeep of the house, that could be seen as him having an ‘interest’ in it. My friend was in a similar situation some years ago and ended up having to remortgage to pay her ex nearly £10,000 after they split, because he had contributed to maintenance and improvements during his time living there. I would treat him as a lodger and get an agreement in place to that effect.

Iwasafool · 14/02/2024 10:03

Mumofteenandtween · 12/02/2024 20:27

Maybe he should suggest to his current landlord that he doesn’t pay rent to them anymore either.

In all seriousness - when my (now) SIL moved in with DB then she paid DB half of what she had been paying in rent up until that point. It meant that they were both £x better off each month.

That sounds a nice compromise, everyone a winner.

Eddielizzard · 14/02/2024 10:06

Why should he benefit from your foresight and hard work? He's not even prepared to pay into wear and tear? He's looking for a nurse with a purse, absolutely.

I would be very very careful here. He's not exactly generous is he?

NewDogOwner · 14/02/2024 10:06

It's a little convenient that now he has met a self-sufficient woman who has a property that 'He seems to have settled now and is thinking more of his future and financial needs.' I think he was thinking about that as soon as he met you.

Original poster
Butterflygypsy · 14/02/2024 10:08

To all the people asking if it's his idea to move in, yes, it is.

At the moment he stays with me at weekends and occasionally I see him during the week and that suits me. I do love him and enjoy his company but I like my own space too and I'm happy by myself.

He has been financially naive in the past but he is getting better at things now. Yes, he may see me and my home as his retirement plan but I genuinely believes that he loves me too. He was very loving and supportive to me before he knew that I owned my own home, especially when I had a serious health scare, so I don't think the flat itself was purely his motivation.

I have no intention of him moving in for the foreseeable future because what we have works for me at the moment.

Thank you to everyone who has replied, it's been fascinating reading your posts and the varied opinions and advice.

OP posts:
Tearsofamermaid · 14/02/2024 10:10

I don’t understand some of these comments. Presumably you love each other, otherwise you wouldn’t want to live together. If I have understood correctly, you don’t have a mortgage or rent to pay yourself? So your outgoings are bills, groceries and any maintenance/repair costs? I would agree a sum to cover all of these (including a contribution towards the latter) which he pays into your account every month.

I can’t imagine charging someone that I love ‘rent’ when I don’t even have to pay rent or a mortgage myself!

Disclaimer: married for 12 years, together for 16,
finances including savings kept separate. We both own properties outright (I live in DH’s) and I have never paid ‘rent’, just my share of bills and expenses. This has meant that one or both of us has technically profited at different points depending on our earnings at the time/general finances but that doesn’t matter. In a healthy set-up the money should all be going back into benefiting the family as a whole anyway, both in the short-term as well as in the future (old age, care expenses etc).

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 14/02/2024 10:10

He sounds like a sponger, sorry OP! I think you’re right to hold off for now. Protect your asset for your kids. If you eventually want to live together - either get a lodger agreement or rent your place out and rent together. If he doesn’t seem keen on that (ie he will have to pay rent and not live off your generosity) then you have your answer - cocklodger

MILTOBE · 14/02/2024 10:15

But you are married, @Tearsofamermaid

The OP isn't married and hasn't lived with this man before. He's suggesting he comes to live there rent-free, even though she's on a low income and he's on a much higher one.

Can't you see why she's seeing him through new eyes?

HarrietStyles · 14/02/2024 10:17

I would always be worried that the only reason he moved in with me was that it would be extremely financially beneficial to him, and not because he truly loved me and wanted me as a partner. Is he just staying with me because he is saving thousands a month?

He gains loads be moving in with you - he saves completely on rent plus half of bill payments. He gains massively financially from this move. And he already earns more than you.

You only gain half of bill payment. And bills will go up by him moving in, so it won’t be half of what you are currently paying in bills.

It’s not at all a fair split. If he doesn’t want to make sure that you both benefit more fairly by him moving in, then I would question his motives. What would he say if you said that you’d rather live separately but continue dating? Or you could rent out your flat and then move into his and split all costs 50/50. I would really need to be certain of his motives.

Harry12345 · 14/02/2024 10:18

If you split you have all the house, why would he pay towards a house utilities that’s not his, I would feel resentful of that and it’s right wanting money from your partner that you’d still need to pay if he wasn’t there

MILTOBE · 14/02/2024 10:20

Of course she would have all the house, @Harry12345 - she's spent decades being careful with her money so that she has the house.