Is it reasonable to charge my partner rent?

[Butterflygypsy]

I'm an older mum with grown up children and have been divorced for a few years. I'm very fortunate in owning my own home and the mortgage is paid off, so I don't have that expense to worry about. I live on my own. I don't earn much so my home is my only real asset.

I have a lovely partner who earns more than me and he's always rented so he doesn't own any property. He's thinking of moving in with me but he thinks it's reasonable that he pays half of the gas, electricity, council tax, etc, but no extra to cover the maintenance of the flat. I think he should pay more than just half the utility costs as he'll be saving money on rent where he currently lives and he will be causing wear and tear by being in the house. He doesn't think he should pay towards the upkeep of the flat as its my flat.

Am I being unreasonable?

He's not profiting off her cos it isn't costing her anything. She's also saving money as he's paying a third of the CT she was paying, the power bills won't increase that drastically but he'll be paying half, same for insurance etc.

One suggestion if you do want him to move in is to ask him to pay towards living with you (get legal advice on paperwork and language around how you describe the payment). Some of the money could go towards maintenance, and a lot could go into a pension. You will need that if you haven't been putting money away.

@CoffeeCup14 any extra money can go into a savings account to be used as a pension but you can't just put money into a pension fund and get the tax benefits if the money wasn't subject to income tax to begin with.

She doesn’t have to charge him as much as £12k a year, but as it stands, he would be the one making £12k a year out of the relationship by paying zero rent!
That doesn’t seem fair when having an additional person in the home does cause additional wear and tear.
By charging even a small amount of rent, they would both be better off.
I would treat it like having a tenant.

I would treat it like having a tenant
but then he'll feel he has rights, he'll take the piss & it'll be harder to get rid of him?

I think the word rent is causing some posters issue. I think he needs to pay his way. As my solicitor put it, no such thing as a free lunch.

Thats a good point. A way around this though would be to pay into the pension fund from her earned and taxed funds and keep the rent money to pay for other stuff like food and petrol that you wouldn't need to possibly provide an audit trail for.

He's thinking of moving in with me

Well that's very kind of him!

I'd just keep separate homes if I were you - makes life simpler.

this!
@Butterflygypsy , did you invite him or did he invite himself?
Your posts give the impression that he's told you he's thinking of moving in with you AND he's told you what the terms of the arrangement should be?
It's like he already sees himself as THE BOSS . . .

I agree with this. If you guys split up, he's going to be fucked in terms of housing. He could rent elsewhere, but then he would get a tenancy agreement and house repairs covered if needed by the landlord.

If you were still paying the mortgage, my opinion would be he contributes. However there is no mortgage.

I think a 50:50 split on bills is fair and he could agree to share the cost to repair things. But again, I don't see why he should have to pay for home improvements if the house isn't his. I wouldn't rent a house then pay for a new kitchen to be fitted for example.

Could someone explain how having an intimate partner as a "lodger" would stand up in court/law if the "lodger/partner" made a claim and said otherwise, i.e. I was living with her and contributed X and Y etc. so I am entitled to A and B.

I understand that lodging arrangements are different to tenancies, but even so, I would think that a lodger has his/her own room and access to common areas. Whereas the partner would have the run of the house I presume!

Just wondered, and maybe there is something I have missed in the thread.

Both OP and partner will save by sharing utilities, assuming he doesn't like the heating on full blast and lengthy showers, and maybe things like TV subscriptions, etc.

But she will lose the 25% single person discount on council tax, whilst he will cease paying rent and council tax on his flat.

He should pay rent as OP will be providing the roof over his head. It will be his choice to risk giving up a council tenancy.

If he pays rent, he could go to court and claim that he has beneficial interest in OP's property in the event that they split up.

Yes definitely suggest this and do it face to face if you can so you can see his body language. His reaction will be very telling.

But at present she has all the benefits of having the place to herself. If her partner moves in, she will lose those. There will be less space, another person's noise to contend with, taking turns for the bathroom. Surely it's reasonable to expect some financial compensation for what she would be giving up?

I think one assumes she does actually like him and so she might find some benefit to living together!

Again for the people who say he’s not profiting if he lives rent free, he is. He’s profiting from her years of sacrifice over decades to have paid her mortgage off.

If Op needs to add more to her private pension which she states she didn’t pay as much into while paying off her mortgage, that’s what some of the extra money he pays to stay there could be used for.

But to be fair, I don’t think it would be wise for him to leave his council house to move into OP house if he has a life tenancy. Seems it would be risky for him.

At this stage of their relationship the proposed arrangement wouldn’t be great for either party.

Renting together may well cost the op more.

You rent out your place and then have to pay and agent and tax.

That may be more or less thank what you then need to pay in your half of the rent.

I imagine saying you don't want to live with him "just to see if he wants you or the accommodation" will backfire. Most people do want to live with their partners in the long term.

Could you not move in with him on the basis he suggested? Sell your flat and put the money into savings and investments for your retirement?

YANBU.

However, I wouldn’t worry about people saying he will have a claim on your property. It is owned outright by you and he hasn’t paid directly into any mortgage. I had a similar experience with an ex who I was with for 5 years (he was living with me and I paid the mortgage)- he couldn’t make a claim when we broke up, even though he tried to pursue it.

What I would say is possibly fairer is for him to pay all of the bills (gas, electricity, council tax etc) and you pay for the maintenance/repairs and upkeep of the property. Considering you have already spent many years paying off your mortgage. Especially if he earns more than you it certainly doesn't seem fair to split bills 50/50. That way you will both benefit from him moving in - which is how it should be.

Having said that I’d be cautious if he is displaying potential cocklodger behaviour!

This is an interesting thread too... https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4868142-am-i-paying-too-much-to-live-at-my-partners-house

If he pays rent you will be responsible for all the repairs/upkeep so you won't be able to ask him to do it

YADNBU

I’m in a similar position to you and have worked VERY hard to have what I have and it’s taken a long time.

There’s no way I would let someone bum off me.

To not offer shows the cocklodger’s true colours.

He’s had all his life to make better financial decisions, but oh dear, it’s finally dawned on him that he’s left it too late, so he’s eyeing up a cushy number with you and at your expense.

@Gloriosaford couldn't agree more.

Second this. A joint acc you both pay into to cover maintenance, decorating, utilities etc.