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Original poster

Is it reasonable to charge my partner rent?

336 replies

Butterflygypsy · 12/02/2024 20:09

I'm an older mum with grown up children and have been divorced for a few years. I'm very fortunate in owning my own home and the mortgage is paid off, so I don't have that expense to worry about. I live on my own. I don't earn much so my home is my only real asset.

I have a lovely partner who earns more than me and he's always rented so he doesn't own any property. He's thinking of moving in with me but he thinks it's reasonable that he pays half of the gas, electricity, council tax, etc, but no extra to cover the maintenance of the flat. I think he should pay more than just half the utility costs as he'll be saving money on rent where he currently lives and he will be causing wear and tear by being in the house. He doesn't think he should pay towards the upkeep of the flat as its my flat.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
reesewithoutaspoon · 12/02/2024 20:17

Be careful. Payments towards the mortgage cost can be argued as a contribution to the assets if you ever split up. I would ensure you are covered legally and your asset is protected.
Alternatively don't cohabit.

Coincidentally · 12/02/2024 20:18

Rather than call it ‘rent’ could you set up b a joint account specifically for all household expenses including insurance/repairs etc?

Original poster
Butterflygypsy · 12/02/2024 20:20

reesewithoutaspoon · 12/02/2024 20:17

Be careful. Payments towards the mortgage cost can be argued as a contribution to the assets if you ever split up. I would ensure you are covered legally and your asset is protected.
Alternatively don't cohabit.

I don't have a mortgage anymore so he wouldn't be contributing to that.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 12/02/2024 20:20

Butterflygypsy · 12/02/2024 20:20

I don't have a mortgage anymore so he wouldn't be contributing to that.

Show quote history

He's tight.

How unattractive

merrywidow · 12/02/2024 20:21

No you are not being unreasonable.
I'm in a paid for property and I'd never entertain anyone living with me again no matter how nice/lovely.

Just check the law and put written documentation in place in any event. I understand that after two years of cohabitation a partner can challenge an interest in the event of your death.

I'd charge rent and treat as a lodger. He's going to do very well at your expense if he moves in and no longer has to pay for property. Sounds like a cheeky cocklidger move.

merrywidow · 12/02/2024 20:23

Also agree with @Nanny0gg , tight. Very very unattractive

GinForBreakfast · 12/02/2024 20:23

YANBU. He sounds like a wannabe Cocklodger.

Mumofteenandtween · 12/02/2024 20:27

Maybe he should suggest to his current landlord that he doesn’t pay rent to them anymore either.

In all seriousness - when my (now) SIL moved in with DB then she paid DB half of what she had been paying in rent up until that point. It meant that they were both £x better off each month.

reesewithoutaspoon · 12/02/2024 20:28

Doesnt matter if you have paid the mortgage . If he contributes to the upkeep of the house he might in the event of a split claim an interest in the property. (the equity accrued during the time you were in a relationship) .
He might not win, but you would still have to fight him legally.
I would want some form of legal co-habitation agreement to protect my assets. Also if you charge him 'rent' he might then gain legal rights as a tenant and you can't just boot him out of your house. You could find yourself in a situation where he refuses to leave and you have to go down the eviction route.
get advice before you do anything.

viques · 12/02/2024 20:30

Then you could suggest that he sets up an account where he puts aside money for general maintenance, gardening, decoration, replacement of white goods, boiler maintenance etc it seems only fair since you are currently bearing the cost of any major repairs and other household expenses which ultimately benefit him and make his life more comfortable.

He might also want to set up a holiday fund since he has spare money on account of not paying any rent.

TheShellBeach · 12/02/2024 20:31

I do think he should pay a share towards the upkeep of the property.

If he refuses that's a very unattractive trait, and I'd be rethinking this relationship.

p1ppyL0ngstocking · 12/02/2024 20:31

Of course he should contribute.

Let's be honest, your bills will be increasing anyway by him living there.

Say he currently pays £1k a month in rent, is he really expecting to just pocket that every month whilst you house him? What a CF!

GingerIsBest · 12/02/2024 20:32

So he will be massively better off every month - no rent, half of expenses- and you will be slightly better off (bills will go up but you will split them).

You will however still he responsible for maintenance and upkeep, at notable expense.

You will also lose significant living space as him and his stuff move in.
I can pretty much guarantee that you will find you will still be doing all the cooking, cleaning etc.

And to rub salt into the wound, he already earns more than you?

What a prince he is.

Britpop123 · 12/02/2024 20:33

Amazing how you should never move into a man’s house without being out on the deeds or you shouldn’t pay a penny, but a man moving into a woman’s house needs to pay or he’s a cocklodger

Redcar78 · 12/02/2024 20:34

reesewithoutaspoon · 12/02/2024 20:17

Be careful. Payments towards the mortgage cost can be argued as a contribution to the assets if you ever split up. I would ensure you are covered legally and your asset is protected.
Alternatively don't cohabit.

There's no mortgage

viques · 12/02/2024 20:35

If the positions were reversed would he be happy for you to move into his rented accommodation and not contribute to the rent? Because (setting aside the paid off mortgage) that is what he is to all intends and purposes suggesting you agree to , ie his only expenses to be a share of the utilities.

GingerIsBest · 12/02/2024 20:36

Britpop123 · 12/02/2024 20:33

Amazing how you should never move into a man’s house without being out on the deeds or you shouldn’t pay a penny, but a man moving into a woman’s house needs to pay or he’s a cocklodger

Not sure where this comes from but I can assure you that on every single thread like this I say the same thing - you both need to be benefiting financially and practically.

Watchkeys · 12/02/2024 20:36

I think he should pay more than just half the utility costs as he'll be saving money on rent where he currently lives and he will be causing wear and tear by being in the house

Then tell him that that's the deal. If he decides not to, you'll be able to see why he's moving in with you.

I think you can see already that you're not on the same page though. I wouldn't have someone move into my house if they had me posting on a forum about a money disagreement before we even lived together. If this was a healthy relationship, you'd be reaching a conclusion that you were both happy with, together. You wouldn't need MN.

MissRheingold · 12/02/2024 20:37

I wouldn't let him move in until he proves himself as so far he is showing as being what's yours is ours and what's Minnie is mine.

Any chance you could rent your place out and then you move in with him or rent a place together?

CharmedCult · 12/02/2024 20:37

So he's basically going to turn up to your fully furnished, fully paid off flat, with a suitcase full of clothes, and he thinks all he should pay is half the bills.

No.

If you want to continue the relationship keep living separately.

WandaWonder · 12/02/2024 20:37

Britpop123 · 12/02/2024 20:33

Amazing how you should never move into a man’s house without being out on the deeds or you shouldn’t pay a penny, but a man moving into a woman’s house needs to pay or he’s a cocklodger

Yes this!

Pineapplewaves · 12/02/2024 20:40

As you don't have any rent or mortgage to pay either I think 50/50 split of all bills and expenses is fair.

If you were to split up after say a year you still have a roof over your head and still have your home, he's got to pack up his stuff and go and rent somewhere again so I think he should be putting money into savings incase that happens. If you split up you don't want to be stuck with him living in your house because he doesn't have a deposit and several months rent in advance.

How much maintenance does your house need? Any major work that you make him pay for then he could have a claim on your house.

ColdButSunny · 12/02/2024 20:44

Of course he should contribute! You should both benefit from the new living situation- not just him.

Original poster
Butterflygypsy · 12/02/2024 20:45

merrywidow · 12/02/2024 20:21

No you are not being unreasonable.
I'm in a paid for property and I'd never entertain anyone living with me again no matter how nice/lovely.

Just check the law and put written documentation in place in any event. I understand that after two years of cohabitation a partner can challenge an interest in the event of your death.

I'd charge rent and treat as a lodger. He's going to do very well at your expense if he moves in and no longer has to pay for property. Sounds like a cheeky cocklidger move.

Thank you. That's the way my mind is going.

We have agreed that when we die our assets are going to our respective adult children so I don't want him to be able to have a claim on my property in the event of my death so maybe a lodger agreement is the way to go. If anything happens to me he should be able to move in with his children if necessary.

OP posts: