Is it reasonable to charge my partner rent?

[Butterflygypsy]

I'm an older mum with grown up children and have been divorced for a few years. I'm very fortunate in owning my own home and the mortgage is paid off, so I don't have that expense to worry about. I live on my own. I don't earn much so my home is my only real asset.

I have a lovely partner who earns more than me and he's always rented so he doesn't own any property. He's thinking of moving in with me but he thinks it's reasonable that he pays half of the gas, electricity, council tax, etc, but no extra to cover the maintenance of the flat. I think he should pay more than just half the utility costs as he'll be saving money on rent where he currently lives and he will be causing wear and tear by being in the house. He doesn't think he should pay towards the upkeep of the flat as its my flat.

Am I being unreasonable?

I might be wrong, but it sounds like the OP in this case is probably a bit old for pregnancy to be a concern (adult kids, mortgage paid off)?

Equally, even with a younger couple, it's a bit odd to say that the male partner should contribute more towards the household expenses in case the woman gets pregnant. That sounds like an insurance premium on the relationship!

Theres no way I would attempt to charge a partner rent on a home I owned, nor would I expect someone with a shred of intelligence ro agree to it when they could be made homeless at any time. The only people paying towards a home, be it rent or mortgage are those ones who have certain protections such as a lease etc so they can’t be thrown out with 30 seconds notice.

Half if bills is more than adequate, anything else and you will be making money from him living there, if it was reversed would you be happy that he was using you as a means to make money?

To protect your assests I would treat this as a lodger so you have a contract and he pays a set amount each month. (I would ask for more than half the cost of utilities tho) Have an agreement about food, you cover household repairs/updates.

Yes and if women are so thick they can't use contraception or many other means to not be pregnant. Give women some credit please 😑

The only beings that should stroll in through the door, move in and behave like they own the place - rent free because you should be grateful how lovely and affectionate they are - have four legs, whiskers and a tail.

And some of them still bring you the occasional half mouse.

Your OP gives it away; you said 'he's thinking of moving in'. Was this a discussion between you, or something he decided would be a good idea? What do you think, being that it's your house?

You will be saving half the utilities bills. You would be able to afford to buy a new doormat with the savings. I don't see t
his stance as a problem as long as he is otherwise a decent person and shares in food bill, holidays etc expenses. In any case if you insist he will grow resentful. I wouldn't insist if I otherwise liked the person. He is tight with money in general I suspect. You can't change his personality so I wouldn't bother fighting

I’d be wary about moving him in.
Whats he like with chores etc?

And yes, he should pay a form of rent otherwise he’s moving in and benefiting financially at your expense.

Another way of doing it is, if he doesn’t pay rent then he should pay for holidays for both of you.

You have to think about what’s in it for you ?
If it’s nothing then he shouldn’t move in.

Yes, this struck me too as his decision. What do you want ?
Do you like your own space ?

@Simonjt I agree with that.

The OP wanting to protect her asset but also wanting him to contribute to it is having her cake and eating it.

I highly doubt that if he contributed to say new furniture or appliances, she would be happy for him to take half of them with him if they split up.

Also something that seems to have been missed is that paying half the utilities will save the OP money - she would also benefit from the arrangement.

He's thinking of moving in with me

That shouldn’t be how it works. It’s your house, if you want him to move in, you should invite him. Do you want him to move in?

How much is he paying in rent/bills now? What’s the difference in money each month to what he’s proposing to pay to you? Is that just going to be extra spending money for him?

Let’s say utilities are £400 a month, the Op will benefit to £200 a month.
The cocklodger will benefit from no rent ?£700 + £200 utilities as his would be similar in his flat.
OP has £200 extra for the inconvenience and extra use of appliances, shower etc.
Cocklodger gains £900!
I’d be saying no.

I wouldn't let him move in . He is bringing nothing to the table financially and could end up a winner if you split and he is entitled to a share of your flat.

No assets no access when it comes to sharing a life .

@Tilleuil cocklodger don't make me laugh half utilities and food is fine.

Looks like another typical woman wants cake and eat it.

In terms of wear and tear (I charge boyfriend no rent as mortgage paid off on my flat)

So far we went 50/50 on a new tv and it would be a joint asset.

Repairing the dripping tap and faulty window was my cost.

Stuff like a washing machine I'd pay for and a sofa maybe share cost of new one.

Charging "rent" would encourage a claim against equity. Unless they actually get their own room? One assumes a boyfriend actually stays in your bedroom with you?

So in one side -he is better off as not paying any rent. But has no security like he would with a rental contract. Can be asked to Leave with zero notice.

You are better off as half the bills paid. And at no risk to your house equity.

But if you are not financially on same page, then don't live together. I have never felt my partner is a cocklodger as I don't charge him rent. It's me protecting myself more.

Can anyone who says it's not fair he doesn't pay rent point out why? It's not costing the op more? She is in fact better off from half the bills being paid (elec /sky /insurance /council tax).

The OP said she doesn’t earn much, her OH earns much more and still never managed to get a mortgage. And some people here are suggesting he should not contribute by paying rent when they are living together?
just paying food and bills is bare minimum.
if they were to rent another place together presumably he would pay half the rent too so why is this different? He wants ro benefit financially from his DP and that’s nor a good look. We can assume in addition to free rent he will get food cooked and washing washed too?? What a great deal for him, he probably can’t believe his luck.
OP could use the rent for her pension or house improvements, why should she subsidise him? She sacrificed to pay a mortgage while raising kids and now she should let him live there for free basically. Madness

OP if he doesn’t want to pay rent maybe he could pay all food bills and bills?

We can assume in addition to free rent he will get food cooked and washing washed too?

Can we? I would assume he would do half the cooking and washing...

No one lives anywhere for free OP, he pays what he’s paying now to you, otherwise he doesn’t move in, don’t be a convenient, cheap living option for him.

Do you even want him to move in as you said 'he's thinking of moving in'? I'd personally stick with how things are right now.

My colleague has had a lodger agreement with her partner for years for various reasons. It works

I wouldn’t want to be in a ‘relationship’ where I pay rent to my other half-it somehow feels weird and a bit landlordy!
The best solution is to rent out your place and set up home together in another place on equal terms.

I wouldn’t assume that from a man who respects his partner so little he suggests he can live in her property for free basically. He sees this as perfect arrangement, no rent plus warm food and clean clothes.

The mortgage is paid off through your hard work. Why should he benefit from that when he didn’t contribute. I’d charge rent.

@Butterflygypsy

Do you WANT him to move in with you, or are you happy with the situation as it is? I ask because you say:

He's thinking of moving in with me but he thinks it's reasonable that he pays half of the gas, electricity, council tax, etc, but no extra to cover the maintenance of the flat.

I can see life becoming not only cheaper for him moving in with you but also easier (I bet you end up doing his regular chores as well as your own...) but what's in it for you? Sounds like he's got it all worked out for his convenience.

Also as another poster says maybe let your home out (and the income is yours alone) and the two of you rent together. That way you can see how the relationship works- especially if you've not lived with him before. Also don't share finances, eg joint account. 🌹

When you move in together 2nd time around there are different things to consider to when you are younger.
I am 2nd time around - half of my house is actually owned by my children, it was left to them by their Dad when he died (young) & they were primary age.
Does he contribute to the mortgage NO as this could give him an interest in the house.
Does he only pay 50% of bills NO - he gets to live in a large house in a nice area, if he was paying on his own he would not be able to afford to.
He puts an agreed amount in a bank account & I spend that as I choose - we are both happy with this amount & discussed it.
Significant building works I pay for.
New furniture that we chose together we split.
He has recently sold his house & invested the capital so he gets that income to do with as he chooses. In your circumstances he will be paying less than he is now as well. So why should he benefit from all yours years of paying for everything.
Work out a way that suits you both where you both are better off