Is it reasonable to charge my partner rent?

[Butterflygypsy]

I'm an older mum with grown up children and have been divorced for a few years. I'm very fortunate in owning my own home and the mortgage is paid off, so I don't have that expense to worry about. I live on my own. I don't earn much so my home is my only real asset.

I have a lovely partner who earns more than me and he's always rented so he doesn't own any property. He's thinking of moving in with me but he thinks it's reasonable that he pays half of the gas, electricity, council tax, etc, but no extra to cover the maintenance of the flat. I think he should pay more than just half the utility costs as he'll be saving money on rent where he currently lives and he will be causing wear and tear by being in the house. He doesn't think he should pay towards the upkeep of the flat as its my flat.

Am I being unreasonable?

I honestly think love just died on this thread...does OP want her DP to move in because they love each other and want to share a life or to make a profit ?

I think its absolutely cheeky to expect him to pay rent so that you profit off of him as the mortgage is paid off, and the property is wholly in your name. It's also cheeky for him to save a substantial sum in rent, and not share any of the benefit of that saving with you.

What I would think is reasonable is that decisions are made with the rent money that he's saving from not having to rent a property that benefit both of you as a partnership, plus also provide him with the security that he doesn't have (and you do and rightly won't share with him).

So let's say he was saving £700/m in rent, I think it would be reasonable for him to put £350 away (capped at say £10k?) each month into an account in his own name to give him an escape fund should you split up and he needs to move out in a hurry with nothing and no rights, and the other £350/m goes into a joint account which is used for bettering both of your lives - things like holidays or weekends away, and also beginning to build some joint savings for the future.

Why doesn't he just give you what he pays now but halve the rent cost and utilities?

So if he pays 1k rent and 400 utilities then £700?

Or, put half the money he's saving by not paying rent into joint savings for things like new appliances, flooring etc?

Honestly though if it was me I'd stay living separately. Just the fact that he's not offering to do the above makes me wary.

OP can you answer some questions?

How old is he? Why has he never bought his own place? What is his approach to life? Is he financially responsible? Is he responsible at all? Does he have savings? Does he have a pension? Could he buy half your flat so you both have 50/50? Would you ever marry him?

If he is not a responsible adult, take it from me, stay living separately. Then find a responsible adult, life will be better.

Agree with this totally. M
That way OP, if you can see what your parter is really like to live with and everything is divided equally, as being in a partnership should be.

Have to confess it is only on mumsnet that I read of contracts, lodging agreements, asset protection schemes, paying market rent, worn out sofa supplements and a general fear of a supposed loving close partner ending up financially slightly better off then their current living arrangements. Most people just move in together and split the bills based on respective earnings.

My then girlfriend moved in with me to a flat that I owned. It made sense as we had been seeing each other about 18 months, my place was way nicer then her rented flat, it was closer to both our places of work and she was spending about 5 nights a week there anyway. She kindly offered to pay rent but as someone upthread has said that just seemed so transactional and a bit 'off', we were supposed to be serious couple moving forward with our lives together. I earned way more then her and she was still carrying a fair whack of student debt. Instead I suggested she directed what was her rent to paying off her debts and we just split the bills/expenses. Fast forward a couple of years she is back in the black, we are both able to take out a higher LTV mortgage as a result and we buy a place together. For some on here she would be the ultimate fanny lodger.

Thinking about it; I would just continue to live separately. It's probably so much easier financially etc. You know what's what then.

Or, rent your property out ( as has already been suggested) and rent somewhere together.

@TheCadoganArms can I take a stab in the dark here and guess you come from a good home where trust was never broken?

The responses on this thread are so split between people with and without trust issues.

If you rent your own property out you will need to do self assessments and pay capital gains tax if you ever sell it. This is something you will need to research and crunch numbers on.

He should definitely contribute to all bills, all upkeep, all DIY projects etc. Of course. So contributing to the maintenance and improvement of the property.

But I think that's different from charging rent. Paying rent on a property with no mortgage is a nice little earner for you but doesn't feel much like a partnership.

If it was me I'd make sure the flat was left to my DC and ask him to pay an amount into a joint account to cover all bill and upkeep. He will better off - great, and so will you (with 50% of bills covered) and you can spend the extra cash on holidays and being a couple.

OP has £200 extra for the inconvenience and extra use of appliances, shower etc. Cocklodger gains £900! I’d be saying no.

OP also has a guaranteed, mortgage-free home if the relationship breaks down. He has nothing.

Stay living separately.
Final answer.

Yeah, I think if you see your partner moving in as an inconvenience and someone who needs to pay to "use appliances" - just don't move them in at all. Totally get living alone so just live alone. Don't move a partner in and then cost up the additional use of the kettle.

I wonder if a man had a house and he demanded half of the utilities, upkeep costs/rent to a woman moving in whether people would be as sure on this one.

"Why are you paying him rent for being in a relationship with him??? CF... So he gets a live-in maid, half his bills paid, AND he gets to make a profit from it"

I have most certainly had trust broken, not from my parents or siblings but from my early 'serious' relationships which unfortunately saw a mix of everything from being cheated on to domestic abuse. If there was one positive thing that came out of that was me putting in place some pretty robust boundaries and not returning to the dating game until I was very much mentally in a good place to do so. It was actually reading the relationship boards on here many moons ago which helped me define what those boundaries should be and what tell tell red flags I should be aware of.

Why live together? Why not just date?

Here's what I would do if I was moving into a house with no mortgage or bills to pay, and I was saving on the rent I usually pay.

I'd offer 50% of the all the bills, and I'd suggest putting the rent saving into a joint savings account, and that could pay for a holiday or treat for both as a couple. I think paying rent to a partner feels wrong, but then saving all the money on rent and taking all the benefit also seems wrong.

If you use the money for something that both of you will love, such as a holiday, you both benefit

I would not like that...

Houses are expensive to maintain and is he makes a lot more money than you it makes sense that you would expect him to contribute.

If I were you I would not let him move in.

Sounds like he is just trying to save money on rent rather than truly wanting to build a shared life with you.

If you really want to risk having him move in then tell him you will be drafting a lodger agreement that details how much you will charge him for bills and also a small rent and that is the only way he would be able to move in with you.

As a lodger you can kick him out really easily if does not work out....

I would also question why he as always rented until now. If he has a good salary and I assume you are both in older age brackets it is unusual for him not to have bought any property. Does it have a track record of using women? does he have some debts you don't know about which means he can't get a mortgage?

With his attitude I wouldnt let him move in.

I think your title and post are a little confusing OP...you ask if he should pay you rent in the title but in the post you actually just ask if it's reasonable for him to pay maintenance and upkeep (on top of bills).

Maintenance and upkeep is different from rent. Are you asking him to pay 50% to keeping the flat lovely and fixing everything or are you making a profit by charging him rent way above the running costs of the flat?

I think that's why some people are reading it differently - some people see him as him being a CF - e.g. him refusing to pay for upkeep and other people think you're trying to become a landlord to your boyfriend.

Why is this not a no-brainer? If he moves in with you, you should both benefit absolutely equally. Therefore, you share the bills and the groceries, which is presumably a saving for both of you.

Then he gives you half of what he's paying currently to rent his place. If, say, he is paying 600 pounds a months, he gives you 300 pounds. He is better off by 300 pounds a month, and so are you.

You can both use that money to pay for things like joint holidays or he can use his half to make sure he saves a good deposit in case you break up.

For all the people who are saying it's not right for her to make money off him, why is it right for him to make money off her, which is what he will be doing if he no longer has to pay rent to live somewhere? Instead of seeing it as either of them making money off the other, they should both benefit absolutely equally.

Houses are expensive to maintain and is he makes a lot more money than you it makes sense that you would expect him to contribute.

If he contributes to upkeep and maintenance he could have a claim in the event of separation, even if they're not married.

It's called Beneficial Interest.

www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-sep-dec-2017/financial-rights-of-unmarried-couples-living-together/

Split the difference.

If he currently pays £600 rent, then if he gives you £300 you’re both £300 up on the original arrangement. But as others said make sure it goes into an expenses account and can’t be seen as a contribution to the house ownership.

Of course he should pay rent along with the bills. It should be a low rent but he should pay something. He should WANT to pay.

If he has a car and you don't then I'd take that into account.

Instead of seeing it as either of them making money off the other, they should both benefit absolutely equally.

It can never be absolutely equal because it's her home that she owns mortgage free - if they split up, he'll be homeless.