Is it reasonable to charge my partner rent?

[Butterflygypsy]

I'm an older mum with grown up children and have been divorced for a few years. I'm very fortunate in owning my own home and the mortgage is paid off, so I don't have that expense to worry about. I live on my own. I don't earn much so my home is my only real asset.

I have a lovely partner who earns more than me and he's always rented so he doesn't own any property. He's thinking of moving in with me but he thinks it's reasonable that he pays half of the gas, electricity, council tax, etc, but no extra to cover the maintenance of the flat. I think he should pay more than just half the utility costs as he'll be saving money on rent where he currently lives and he will be causing wear and tear by being in the house. He doesn't think he should pay towards the upkeep of the flat as its my flat.

Am I being unreasonable?

Because he earns more and she isn't making him quit work/go pt to look after her DCs??

And be at the mercy of rising rent, while your home is rented out and wearing out by tenants or decaying lying empty . I wouldn't be interested in that. It's my children's home too

This ^^. This is quite a sad thread! The poor bloke is oblivious but some random strangers have decided he's a cocklodger, scrounger, untidy, and lots of other negative things! Others are advising you to steer clear and live alone for the rest of your life op. Just be careful with advice from strangers, you don't know their agenda/history, as usual the mad cat lady man hating brigade have come out!
I'd talk to someone who knows you both, and can act as a sounding board. 😏

So let's say he was saving £700/m in rent, I think it would be reasonable for him to put £350 away (capped at say £10k?) each month into an account in his own name to give him an escape fund should you split up and he needs to move out in a hurry with nothing and no rights, and the other £350/m goes into a joint account which is used for bettering both of your lives - things like holidays or weekends away, and also beginning to build some joint savings for the future.

What? So he gets £350 per month to save and she gets half of £350 per month? So he benefits by £525 per month and she benefits from £175 per month? And she pays for all the wear and tear, presumably? Living on your own affects everything in the house much less than living with another person - especially if that other person isn't having to pay for any repairs.

I think in all the "transactional" worries and issues with rent, the level and value of that is being missed.

To my mind, it's less about paying rent so much as it is about both being financially better off, in roughly equal amounts. So if his rent and bills were previously a total of £1500/ month and OP's bills were say £400 per month, if he moves in and her bills go up to £500 and he only pays £250/month, she's saving £150 and he's saying £1350. Made worse by the fact that he earns so much more than her. That makes no sense.

But if they agree, for example, that he'll pay £750 into a joint account and she pays in £250, that would more than cover their bills, maintenance on the house perhaps some treats/holidays etc. And they'd BOTh be spending less.

Get a rental agreement, like a lodger.

Of course he has to pay rent, why should you subsidy his rent? He's living on his own and paying rent, wants to move in with you and only pay half utilities?

It doesn't sound right, he is taking advantage. It would only be fair rent plus half bills or at the very least to cover all bills including food.

Be careful.

he thinks it's reasonable that he pays half of the gas, electricity, council tax, etc, but no extra to cover the maintenance of the flat.

Are you planning to have totally separate finances or to have joint finances for all everyday life stuff (eg holidays, going out for a meal etc…)?

I’ll be honest, I’d be very worried that if he wants to split only gas, electricity, food (?) that, in reality, you’d end up paying much more than him.
He is also clearly not wanting to take into account the disparity in income.

Everyone saying he should pay rent - he would then have a beneficial interest in OP's property should they split up, which could leave her quite vulnerable.

The fact that they're not married and there's no mortgage doesn't matter - if he can prove he contributed to the upkeep and maintenance he could have a claim.

@lifebeginsaftercoffee whats included in the ‘maintenance and upkeep’ of the flat though?
Boiler repair will be included I imagine. Or changing windows.
What about painting, changing carpets etc….? Many people who are renting long term pay for all of that.
What about dishwasher, washing machine etc…?

Because the reality is that, for us, what has an impact on our budget is first of all the general ‘maintenance’ of white goods, carpets etc… not the heavy stuff like windows, boiler etc….

Get a contract drawn up with a lawyer... because honestly when the boiler breaks it'll be "well it's your house...." - fuck that.

There's a huge difference between renting off a landlord and paying rent to your long-term partner though @BlueSkyBlueLife.

With the former you can't claim an interest in the property no matter how much you spend on paint or floors - with the latter you can.

OP needs to be really careful if she's going to charge for rent and maintenance- if he's financially savvy he could take her to court and win.

Even though he'll be profiting himself by saving rent money every month? You think this should only go one way?

I actually think that's a big red flag. I wouldn't let him move in. I've been in a similar position and looking back now I realise I was taken advantage of. Let him continue to stay in his own rented accommodation

Thats exactly why I was asking.

If changing carpets or buying your own white goods are considered normal if you are renting, is that also the case if you are living with someone? Or would that be considered ‘maintenance’?

Because if buying white goods, changing carpets etc… is considered maintenance, then the OP is going to be worse off.

That's why I don't barge any rent as I don't want any issue with equity.

If he just paid me £1000 a month for bills then he can claim later that actually that's rent or towards mortgage -I'd have to prove it wasn't (which I currently can as it's 50% of bills and I amend every 12 months or so)

Best to be very clear about them not paying than try and get them to pay for extra but claim it's not towards the house as they can argue the opposite in any court case.

These cases are so expensive to defend that it's usually more sensible to give them £10-£20k and avoid legal costs)

Or avoid whole issue by not charging anything towards the house beyond bills and food.

🚨🚨He is screaming stingy. Always unattractive. 🚨🚨

You can argue all us ladies who own property and don't charge rent to protect ourselves are stingy as we don't want to share our equity!

I'm not sure why so many people on this sort of thread want his contribution paid into a joint account - one that he could empty at any time. Imagine if a landlady put your rent into a joint account?

My gripe about all this is that I think a decent man would say "No, of course I'm not going to live rent-free at your house. You've taken decades to pay off that house. Why not arrange it so that I give you £X rent and pay half the bills - that way I'm paying less rent than I was, and you're getting some money in return."

@BlueSkyBlueLife I suspect it would be maintenance and potentially increasing the value of the property too.

The fact that some renters also pay to do those things isn't really relevant IMO as the circumstances are completely different.

You're not in a romantic relationship or partnership with your landlord, but you do have a legal contract in place that protects both parties. OP won't have that if her partner pays her rent and therefore contributes to the maintenance and upkeep by doing so.

If he pays her anything towards rent and the relationship ends, that he could take her to court and ask for his money back.

He would have a beneficial interest in the property as a result of those payments, especially if they end up being used towards DIY or imprison the overall value of the house.

My gripe about all this is that I think a decent man would say "No, of course I'm not going to live rent-free at your house. You've taken decades to pay off that house. Why not arrange it so that I give you £X rent and pay half the bills - that way I'm paying less rent than I was, and you're getting some money in return."

I think this really nails it for me. At the end of the day, if my supposedly loving partner wanted to move in with me, I'd think that if he really loved me he'd be actively pitching it as something that's good for both of us and that would benefit both of us.

Improving, not imprison!

This is my view too. If you are in a partnership, why shouldn’t you both benefit from having no mortgage/rent to pay?

Men are seen as the enemy on here though.

Long term it could go against the OP if she accepts rent and money towards maintenance, though.

I don't think many people realise that you don't have to be married to have a beneficial interest in the property.

Not if he has a rent book. Not romantic, but very sensible if you own a property.