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Original poster

Is it reasonable to charge my partner rent?

336 replies

Butterflygypsy · 12/02/2024 20:09

I'm an older mum with grown up children and have been divorced for a few years. I'm very fortunate in owning my own home and the mortgage is paid off, so I don't have that expense to worry about. I live on my own. I don't earn much so my home is my only real asset.

I have a lovely partner who earns more than me and he's always rented so he doesn't own any property. He's thinking of moving in with me but he thinks it's reasonable that he pays half of the gas, electricity, council tax, etc, but no extra to cover the maintenance of the flat. I think he should pay more than just half the utility costs as he'll be saving money on rent where he currently lives and he will be causing wear and tear by being in the house. He doesn't think he should pay towards the upkeep of the flat as its my flat.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Fageyoghurt · 12/02/2024 22:53

I wouldn't let him move in until he proves himself as so far he is showing as being what's yours is ours and what's Minnie is mine.

Any chance you could rent your place out and then you move in with him or rent a place together?

I think this is a good idea. And it will also test his intentions behind suggesting you live together. If his desire to live with you is motivated by a chance to live rent free, he may quickly reject the idea of renting somewhere else with you.

As far as OP not “profiting” by charging rent, well he’s going to be profiting from all her past investment into her house if he doesn’t pay anything in addition to bills so it’s swings and roundabout.

TheFormidableMrsC · 12/02/2024 22:55

No way would I let him move in. Don't do it!

Livelifelaughter · 12/02/2024 22:56

@Fageyoghurt OP could end up paying CGT on a sale of her house if she rented it out as well as tax on the income from the rent...

UltraWoman · 12/02/2024 22:57

YANBU

I bet he’d want you to pay him more if the situation were reversed.

The fact he’s already arguing and disagreeing about money before he even moved in would put me off. Just stick to the living arrangement you have. I can see this end in tears otherwise.

2Old2Tango · 12/02/2024 23:05

Tatonka · 12/02/2024 22:41

Are you for real? You'd ask a partner to contribute to wear and tear to furniture? What would the answers be if the situation was reversed and it was a woman moving in?

Show quote history

Yes I'm for real. If the partner is wearing out the sofa as much as the OP, why shouldn't he contribute something when it needs replacing. It will be his home too once he moves in. I'd expect to pay something towards buying new stuff if I moved in with a man.

HoHoHoliday · 12/02/2024 23:06

I feel different to most here it seems.
If this is someone you love and plan to spend the rest of your life with then he should move into your home as your partner, not as a lodger or tenant.
Half of all bills and expenses is fair to me.
If you charge him rent, then as his effective landlady you would be responsible for maintaining the property and contents yourself. Whereas if he does not pay rent then as expenses arise you can split them equally.
I would have your will made up to date to make clear what your intentions are for the property if you predecease him. If you die tomorrow it seems fair that he would move straight out. If you die in 20 years it might be more reasonable to let him continue to live in the home until he wants to leave, for example (your choice).

altmember · 12/02/2024 23:07

Yes he should be contributing towards the repairs and maintenance as well as half the bills. He probably has no idea of those costs if he's always rented. Best way would probably be with a joint account for all household bills, where you both pay equal amounts.

He wouldn't gain any legitimate interest in the property if he's only contributing towards upkeep and not improvements.

And you will also save quite a bit of money if he's paying half your bills. Groceries are the only thing likely to double, the others will likely have a minimal increase.

Tatonka · 12/02/2024 23:36

2Old2Tango · 12/02/2024 23:05

Yes I'm for real. If the partner is wearing out the sofa as much as the OP, why shouldn't he contribute something when it needs replacing. It will be his home too once he moves in. I'd expect to pay something towards buying new stuff if I moved in with a man.

Show quote history

OK from this perspective I agree. I would assume that he'll be moving in his belongs (or maybe they'll buy some new things jointly) and hope that as things break or need repairing he'll get something or contribute. This is hiw I've always done things, but not had a formal arrangement with any partner I've ever lived with. I think even approaching a relationship in such a transactional way is problematic and they are both better off in their own homes. Usually people move in together because they want to be together and their agreement usually should be fair and benefit both parties, you'd hope by moving in you're both saving money and hopefully reducing chores, and mostly enjoying each other's company.

Crikeyalmighty · 12/02/2024 23:40

Personally I would ask him to pay all of the utilities - but no rent

He's a cheeky git if he thinks just 1/2,the bills is fine

Tinkerbyebye · 12/02/2024 23:41

YANBU. However be very careful as he is showing you true colours. He only wants to pay utilities, and leave maintenance etc up to you. Then he is raking it in

it’s no different to him renting a property, he pays for the upkeep. So as a minimum I would do a rental agreement and yes he pays something, if it’s a flat no doubt you have service fees to pay, as you say it will get more wear and tear

but would be more concerned about his stingy behaviour and wouldn't be moving him in

2024WasNotInFactMyYear · 12/02/2024 23:53

Britpop123 · 12/02/2024 20:33

Amazing how you should never move into a man’s house without being out on the deeds or you shouldn’t pay a penny, but a man moving into a woman’s house needs to pay or he’s a cocklodger

Because there’s a unique risk that falls solely on the women- pregnancy.

It is entirely reasonable and responsible to make sure checks are in place to prevent women from being left holding a child with ruined finances when the relationship falls apart.

When that isn’t a possibility you’re free to split things more equally.

caringcarer · 13/02/2024 00:38

Alternatively rent your house out. Pocket the rent. Rent a property with bf and see how it goes. That way there will be rent to pay. He just wants to be egot from you owning your own property. Be careful of him.

Tatonka · 13/02/2024 01:40

Crikeyalmighty · 12/02/2024 23:40

Personally I would ask him to pay all of the utilities - but no rent

He's a cheeky git if he thinks just 1/2,the bills is fine

But half the bills is fine. Why should he pay for upkeep or maintenance of OPs home? She's the one who gains from her asset appreciating in value. I think there is definitely some fair compromise and if they're not able to figure that out then they shouldn't move in together.

MariaLuna · 13/02/2024 01:49

If anything happens to me he should be able to move in with his children if necessary

Have you even discussed this with his children?

I can just imagine the post Elderly dad is homeless and wants to move in with us, we don't have the room, money, teenage kids who are being defiant etc.

Fageyoghurt · 13/02/2024 01:50

Livelifelaughter · 12/02/2024 22:56

@Fageyoghurt OP could end up paying CGT on a sale of her house if she rented it out as well as tax on the income from the rent...

i’m not great with acronyms 😬What’s CGT?

But yeah definitely it’s something that would need to be costed and worked out beforehand, perhaps with the help of a financial advisor so they’ll know if it’s financially viable or not.

MariaLuna · 13/02/2024 01:52

CGT = Capital Gains Tax.

Google the tax office to find out what it involves.

Thisoldchestnut · 13/02/2024 02:00

2Old2Tango · 12/02/2024 23:05

Yes I'm for real. If the partner is wearing out the sofa as much as the OP, why shouldn't he contribute something when it needs replacing. It will be his home too once he moves in. I'd expect to pay something towards buying new stuff if I moved in with a man.

Show quote history

This is a strange approach. Many replies are advising you to charge rent, but also asking that he contributes to maintenance bills (boiler etc). You can't have it both ways! If he was in rented accommodation, the landlord would fix the boiler!

MyFirstLittlePony · 13/02/2024 02:03

He is not that lovely necessarily

He sees a soft touch so he can get free rent! Long term!

Of course he is "lovely"...

Nofilteritwonthelp · 13/02/2024 04:46

Good luck OP, if my partner had no mortgage and wanted to charge me rent to basically make money off me I'd sense a red flag. I'd rather stay in my flat and enjoy my freedom instead. In this situation you're his landlady. If he's not fair and generous then that's different and you shouldn't move in with him anyway, but if he is then you seem a bit of a CF. Just get him to pay for food or something, charging for rent is just ick and weird. Can you imagine a husband charging his wife rent!!

Nofilteritwonthelp · 13/02/2024 04:56

Surely if he's paying half the bills then you're better off or am I missing something? I've always found it financially beneficial to split utilities rather than living alone

Sonora25 · 13/02/2024 05:03

TheShellBeach · 12/02/2024 20:31

I do think he should pay a share towards the upkeep of the property.

If he refuses that's a very unattractive trait, and I'd be rethinking this relationship.

100% this. Why should he not pay rent? This would make me question everything.

Very cheeky of him to even suggest that.

anywherehollie · 13/02/2024 05:11

When my boyfriend (now husband) moved into my house (no mortgage to pay) he just paid half of the bills. Now we are married and I don't work he pays for everything 😄. I could never have charged him rent to live here but that's just me.

lovinglaughingliving · 13/02/2024 05:19

He can stay in his own flat! and that way you never have to pick his dirty pants up off the floor either 😁
"He's thinking about.." I bet he bloody is!
Living separately is the way to go OP DaffodilDaffodilFlowersFlowers

frozendaisy · 13/02/2024 05:28

So he earns more than you and is already trying to haggle down to the bare minimum of payments.

Honestly OP I would each keep your separate homes.

How long have you been together?

Floppyelf · 13/02/2024 05:29

Watchkeys · 12/02/2024 20:36

I think he should pay more than just half the utility costs as he'll be saving money on rent where he currently lives and he will be causing wear and tear by being in the house

Then tell him that that's the deal. If he decides not to, you'll be able to see why he's moving in with you.

I think you can see already that you're not on the same page though. I wouldn't have someone move into my house if they had me posting on a forum about a money disagreement before we even lived together. If this was a healthy relationship, you'd be reaching a conclusion that you were both happy with, together. You wouldn't need MN.

This post has it pretty spot on.