Do you think people look down on you if you are a blended family?

[Strawberrywine1]

I feel it a lot in life, in school and family, especially by those still in their original relationships with kids and fathers.

Im getting a bit fed up with people’s smugness, especially when they have no experience of divorce and single parenting. It’s difficult at times and often people will say that’s what you get for getting into another relationship.

Are you supposed to say single forever?

I think sometimes they do . My eldest is from a previous relationship, and my younger two are biologically my husbands

I don’t look down on them no. I have never encountered a blended family that didn’t have a lot of problems because of it though and so I guess I feel a bit sorry for them. If that sounds patronising it’s not supposed to. I think it must be incredibly hard work to keep everyone happy and I honestly don’t know if I could do it so I suppose for that reason maybe some of what you are getting from people is that they are happy they’re still with their partner because the alternative (divorce, starting dating again and blending families) is so damn hard!

Some of us don’t have a choice but to leave the family because of abuse. I’d love to still be a family but it was not possible. I have one with ex before he became really bad one with partner now.

Well I’m a single parent and feel judged/ looked down for it so no I’m not sure people expect that either?

Yes sometimes, which is especially unfair on anyone who’s had to leave because of abuse or whose spouse has sadly died.

@LilBus no I did actually feel like that for the years I was alone also. Can’t win can you.

Some people are just smug but no one knows whats around the corner.

I think they expect you to stay with the person you had children with and anything else isn’t good enough, my ex left me so didn’t have a choice 😂

100%. But as a PP said, careful what you judge...

But then if you stay with an abusive partner you get judged if you don’t LTB!!! I suppose what I should have is a Time Machine.

There was quite a lengthy thread on here the other day about blended families and it’s clear many people look down on them, and it’s always the married MNers who know for sure if they ever split with their husband they would stay alone forever 🙄!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4995252-blended-families-dont-work?page=1

Well there's plenty of posh blended families so I'm not sure looked down on is quite the right expression.

However I do think there are many challenges with blended families and you won't get any sympathy for those.

Not something I do and I teach my children that families come in all shapes and sizes.

I think it's a very out dated view to judge others by some Victorian era standard. I do think single parents can have it tougher then some and I have some friends who might as well be single parents as their "D" Hs are completely rubbish and make every excuse under the sun about why they can't parent/look after their own kids!

I don’t know many, if any, blended families that don’t have issues or challenges.

In one case I know closely, I think the parent has prioritised themselves rather than their children and yes, they absolutely should have stayed single.

I’m not looking down on anyone. Genuinely. As long as you are a decent human doing the best you can then you’re doing a great job.

I can oh say what I think which is that people in blended families are amazing.

We just don’t tell anyone we are to be honest. It’s never been a thing we’ve needed to mention to anyone - although I guess obviously dd aged 21 now will have mentioned it to her friends (ie that Dad is actually her step dad). I met dh when dd was 4ish, I had been married twice before before my thirties (!) and we just clicked and that was that… many years later here we are, we have Ds aged 11 together. Everyone just assumes we’re the typical traditional family. It’s not like we go out of our way to deceive anyone, we just don’t bother correcting them. It only becomes an issue or thing if you let it.

Yes there’s a bit of that. Blended families are very challenging so I understand it.

Yes they are challenging but so was my abusive marriage and a lot of non blended families aren’t they? My parents stayed together forever and they were miserable. A friend who thought she had the world, her husband had an affair when she was pregnant with her 2nd child. She has started for the children and people commend her but she is miserable, I can’t see that’s the best method.

Not looked down on as such, but definitely judged. People seem to have strong and often conflicting ideas on how they should work, and if you do it differently to their ideal, they will be judging you for it. It happens a lot on here, with issues such as how much parenting a step parent should do, whether a step child should be treated the same as a biological child, whether new families should have time without children from former relationships and so on. Never a consensus and lots of criticism thrown about from both sides of the debates.

Just need thick skin I guess as there are so many judgemental people‘about.

I don’t look down on them at all. I just think they’re difficult and hats off to people who can make them work. For me, I felt there was too much compromise required so kept it to just me and the kids.

I'm sure some do. Ive been a single mum.and a blended family and I would say that in both instances it has made it difficult to integrate with other families as I/we weren't as ' neat' as people might like.
I've never let it bother me though.
I would say that although blended families do have some unique challenges, when I look around the other families i know, we are no worse off than they are. In many ways, I actually think we have a stronger and more settled family. The temptation for us and for others is to assume that any problems are because of being blended when actually we are just navigating the usual ups and downs of parenting.
Whatever you do, I would always say believe in your family and be positive about it. Do t let the perceptions of others (real or imagined) take away the joy and strength of your family unit.

I didnt grow up in a happy home. Wish my parents would have had the balls to divorce. We would have been happier. I admire blended families. You know why? Because they have the balls to choose happiness. Thats what i think anyway.

No.

People will often look down on ANY family that was unreasonable and causing upset to those that lived around them or happened to cross their paths.