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Original poster

What makes a "good man" to you?

273 replies

LorlieS · 07/02/2024 23:17

I was just on another thread and poster said her husband was a "good man" because he earned enough for her to stay at home indefinitely.
Personally, I don't agree with this statement.
So, being entirely honest, what are your non-negotiables?

My list:
Kindness
Integrity
Honesty
Respect
A similar sense of humour to my own
Treating me as an equal
Being present for our family and children.

I'm sure there's more but for me, being wealthy doesn't feature.

OP posts:
TheMoonstone · 07/02/2024 23:27

Mine are exactly the same as yours; and no, wealth is no where in that. A good man, to me, makes me feel at peace, safe and believed in. Respected and appreciated. I would add “unselfish”.

MorticiaSand · 07/02/2024 23:27

My Dad was a good man. Everyone liked him, he was clever and quiet. He never bragged about his achievements, and worked hard all his life. He wasn't materialistic. He was a good father and I could always rely on him for advice, taxi, money etc. He didn't lie and he was reliable. He was patient with my mother who was difficult to live with, and many less good men would have left her due to her behaviour (which was awful and abusive at times). He raised my oldest brother as his own child, even though he wasn't the biological father. He paid for his Uni. fees and set him up in his career. I miss him dearly, but try to raise my son with traits and qualities I observed in my father.

HarkHarkBark · 07/02/2024 23:28

Exactly the same things that make a ‘good woman.’

Original poster
LorlieS · 07/02/2024 23:38

@HarkHarkBark I wholeheartedly agree with you.
I think, however, there are still definitely double standards surrounding this.

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 07/02/2024 23:44

Same as you.

Just what makes a good person a good person really.

Draconis · 07/02/2024 23:51

I'd say all those things but would also add a strong work ethic and a will to support his family. So I half agree with your friend in that he should be earning but not necessarily on his own.

Original poster
LorlieS · 07/02/2024 23:54

@Draconis Again, I agree.
But what I don't agree with is when there is an expectation for a man to be the sole provider.

OP posts:
Bedazzling · 08/02/2024 00:06

Mine is the same but whilst not looking for wealth I expected an income equivalent to mine. Also add both intellectual and emotional intelligence and what I consider a speaking voice that is very tolerable to me.

Original poster
LorlieS · 08/02/2024 00:08

@Bedazzling Well I guess that depends if you yourself are wealthy! Would you not accept a partner who earned less than you?
Not sure what you mean about "speaking voice"?

OP posts:
SaunteringOnBy · 08/02/2024 00:15

Honesty is my most important trait.
Don't care about bank balance, you could have shit all and be the best man ever, you could have a trillion and be a complete and utter scum bucket.

Honesty
Loyalty
Intelligence
And a moral compass.

Original poster
LorlieS · 08/02/2024 00:22

@SaunteringOnBy So very true!
My first husband: Business Owner earning way over £100k pa, highly
controlling and revealed himself to be incredibly disrespectful. Mostly to women.
My second husband: earning around £21k pa (take home). Works in social care, adult MH services). Incredible dad, supportive husband, and all round legend ❤️

OP posts:
katscamel · 08/02/2024 07:48

A good man.... one that realises he's fucked up and asks what he can do to make things better....not just an apology he may or may not mean.
One who is there when you need him and acts in the way you need / want him to, isn't afraid to say when he's feeling crap for any reason, is one that wants develop personally and professionally..
Etc etc etc

Ribikco · 08/02/2024 09:41

For someone who allegedly doesn't care about money, you certainly spend a huge amount of time talking about it... Particularly how much your ex earns and how little your current DH makes.

Watchkeys · 08/02/2024 10:23

Good people are respectful of themselves and others. Everything else that's been mentioned comes under that heading.

Original poster
LorlieS · 08/02/2024 12:14

@Ribikco Indeed. It seems such a mistake people make to equate money with a "good man." I learned the hard way.

OP posts:
SquirrelsAssemble · 08/02/2024 12:25

Integrity.
Contributing equally to support the family (through effort and/or money).
Compassion.
GSOH.
Affection.
Ability to reflect & apologise when needed.
Gratitude.

I think that encompasses a pretty perfect person really.
I'm not sure if I'd like them 🤣

I think we all have weaknesses in that list (I'd say compassion is mine) & bad days when we get it all wrong.

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 08/02/2024 13:37

MorticiaSand · 07/02/2024 23:27

My Dad was a good man. Everyone liked him, he was clever and quiet. He never bragged about his achievements, and worked hard all his life. He wasn't materialistic. He was a good father and I could always rely on him for advice, taxi, money etc. He didn't lie and he was reliable. He was patient with my mother who was difficult to live with, and many less good men would have left her due to her behaviour (which was awful and abusive at times). He raised my oldest brother as his own child, even though he wasn't the biological father. He paid for his Uni. fees and set him up in his career. I miss him dearly, but try to raise my son with traits and qualities I observed in my father.

Your father sounds amazing 💜

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 08/02/2024 13:39

Draconis · 07/02/2024 23:51

I'd say all those things but would also add a strong work ethic and a will to support his family. So I half agree with your friend in that he should be earning but not necessarily on his own.

I don't think earning capability and good go together. As then a disabled person who can't work would never be viewed as good.

SamW98 · 08/02/2024 14:01

Honesty
Integrity
Loyal
Faithful
Good communication
Respectful

Money/earnings aren’t important. I’ve lived on my own for 7 years and so I’m used to paying my own bills. I’ve never wanted to relying anyone else to support me.

Buttbra · 08/02/2024 14:14

Integrity and kindness make for a good person. A good husband is more than that though as he needs to be good in bed, decisive, reliable, financially secure, generous towards me, affectionate ,romantic.

Bedazzling · 09/02/2024 02:57

An income equivalent to mine meant a similar professional wage, DH and I met as junior staff on similar wages. No six figure salaries ever but above average. Speaking voice purely means there are some accents that I like and some that I don’t.

LunaTheCat · 09/02/2024 03:17

Mine is a good man -has integrity in personal and professional life, is honest to a fault, loves his dogs ( an affinity and love for animals is always a marker of a really good person I think), supportive of me and always says how proud he is of me.
He earns less than me but doesn’t bother me 2 figs.

Shoxfordian · 09/02/2024 05:55

Kindness, generosity, integrity, financially responsible which isn't the same as being rich, honest, loyal

cocktailanddreams · 09/02/2024 06:18

All of those things plus independence (can look after himself), have friends and interests for a balanced life.
I never trust a man who has no friends

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 09/02/2024 06:21

Same as yours but mine also does ALL the ironing. Keeper😉