What makes a "good man" to you?

[LorlieS]

I was just on another thread and poster said her husband was a "good man" because he earned enough for her to stay at home indefinitely.
Personally, I don't agree with this statement.
So, being entirely honest, what are your non-negotiables?

My list:
Kindness
Integrity
Honesty
Respect
A similar sense of humour to my own
Treating me as an equal
Being present for our family and children.

I'm sure there's more but for me, being wealthy doesn't feature.

These are the sorts of things I meant 😊 him just being exactly him and not caring what others think.

I am very independent, driven and have a successful career, I suppose some men could find this threatening, but he couldn’t be more supportive and proud of me.

We are literally going in circles here

There's a reason for that, @Ribikco Can you spot what it is yet?

@BlueScrunchies I wholeheartedly agree. There is something really special about that security isn't there? ❤️

There is only one truth. We can all come across different conflicting studies, of course experts often have differing opinions. However, the overall consensus on what determines a fact, is reached by the majority finding the same results. I don't buy into versions of truth and someone living an experience is anecdotal evidence, which can not be applied to the majority therefore does not equate to a fact.

Can you?

This is something they would have come across either way and having that knowledge doesn't mean they will choose to use a Ms or Miss title upon marriage. Even if they do choose that, it still makes no difference to how society operates.

@Ribikco Yup. Going around in circles.

LorlieS Next @DeeCeeCherry will be claiming she's a feminist!!

You wish. I said what I said.

DeeCeeCherry · Today 00:48
Kind
Honest
A worker
Tidy
Attractive
Cares about his health
Handy with a toolbox
Financially responsible
A good earner
Has savings

I'd never date a broke man nor marry solely for love. No shade to those who do. It seems a badge of honour on MN to not be concerned with a man's money when you absolutely should be. Life isn't a storybook. I won't spend my life grafting for the sake of a man's company and comfort. Id rather graft single or have a roommate if that were the case.

Women care so much about what other women think that they'd make it appear they'd marry a non-starter based on his kindness. & Theres too much embarrassment about money talk out there generally.

As for the plethora of MN posts about broke lazy husbands, husbands who are self-employed 'running a business' but really its a pin money hobby and hes only facilitated in this via his knackered working full-time wife who can never ever get a break. No thanks.

I don’t see the need to make these posts berating women's choices as to what they want in a partner unless deep down you're unhappy with your own choices tbh. You have to be comfortable with your own standards and not get wound up about what others are doing

I've always worked, and had savings. There are enough broke, low earner, cocklodger, no financial sense, generational poverty inducing men out there. It was never my plan to take one for the team. If a woman wants a man like that however it's entirely her choice. & if she doesn't, that's her choice too.

I don't do independence in a relationship. Interdependence is what it is. Women who say they're independent yet they live day to day life with a man, are not independent. They're interdependent. Unless they're mad enough to allow a man to do absolutely nothing, that is.

You've spent hours being snippy and sounding increasingly unhappy hidden behind sarcasm. Better to try to be happy with your own relationship choice, what other women choose to do doesn't affect you and only you can make changes in your life. Although I actually thought you were a young man when I read your Posts..

Sorry, I was asking you a question. No idea why you answered like a 6 year old!

@DeeCeeCherry Yes of course I am a bloke(!) Why else would I be bothered about equality only working in the woman's favour and standing up for men?!!

Immaturity begets immaturity.

The “work ethic” one is a funny one for me because DP has chronic pain from an injury and most likely will never work very much. The ways I see him as a good man are too many to list.

@OriginalUsername2 Exactly. It makes your husband no less of a "good man" because of his lower earnings.

He's got to be a good man to accept a woman earning more and not get resentful
About it as some often do despite claiming they're ok with at first!

Present
Gentle
Adventurous
Great sense of humour
Wise
Integrity
Honest
Determined
Imaginative
Nurturing
Faithful
Well groomed
Giving and great in bed
Confident
Healthy weight and fitness
Emotionally intelligent
Gorgeous
Family man

I'm describing the man I married

I'm describing the man I married

Wow mr perfect

While I admire the fight not every relationship is like yours. Not every man is like your man. As we see in many threads on MN the bar is in hell for men. Even outside of personal relationships sexism is ingrained in society and is structural. Then there is biology, at a woman's weakest is often when abusive behaviour by men starts e.g. during pregnancy, postpartum when he thinks she can't leave and expecting her to assert herself at this time is not fair and even if she does the men often do not listen. I think it is unfair to place this responsibility on women even while I think women should stand up for themselves in relationships/not enter bad ones there is systemic sexism; women are still not raised in the same way as men.

I am a realist and practical. I don't want to be earning more and doing more around the house too so whatever the split it needs to be fair on me. If in likelihood (and the statistics show this is true) he is going to be lazy about the house, see me as default parent/default house and amin manager then the least he can do is provide.

@OutsideLookingOut Or alternatively, not put up with him being lazy about the house or seeing you as the default parent/default house and admin manager.
It's not something you have to tolerate.
Or is it?

When I say "work ethic", I don't necessarily mean physical work, I would include helping with the mental load, researching things, life admin, etc. Rather than someone just sitting back and watching me do everything.

It is something many women tolerate if not at the beginning of the relationship then when the children come. Obviously they don't all feel they can leave or they don't want too. A human is sum of all their traits and there will be others things about him that make up for such flaws hopefully. At least this way they would be getting something in return.

To reiterate being rich doesn't make a man good or a good partner by any means. But for some men being good providers is a part of what makes them a good partner.

@OutsideLookingOut But we need to ask ourselves WHY they tolerate it?
Is it because they are financially dependent on him which makes separating far more difficult?
Do they enjoy not having to go out to work to earn a living and so will put up with it?
As long as women take this crap from men and not stand on their own two feet things will never change.

Life isn't really that simple is it? People tolerate different things because they want different things and because not everyone has the same choices and opportunities in life.

Haha! That's 'You started it!!'

You're hilarious! You'll probably keep going and respond with 'Not as hilarious as you!!'

Best of luck when you get to puberty, mate :)

Come back to me when you have something of substance to say.

Yes they should. I find that in too many cases the burden falls on the man which isn't right.