What makes a "good man" to you?

[LorlieS]

I was just on another thread and poster said her husband was a "good man" because he earned enough for her to stay at home indefinitely.
Personally, I don't agree with this statement.
So, being entirely honest, what are your non-negotiables?

My list:
Kindness
Integrity
Honesty
Respect
A similar sense of humour to my own
Treating me as an equal
Being present for our family and children.

I'm sure there's more but for me, being wealthy doesn't feature.

What's the logic behind the no friends bit then?

@Didshejustsaythatoutloud
Well it's just my thoughts but it's a good sign when a man has friends and hobbies, I don't want to be socially responsible for him. Also I can enjoy time with my friends without any guilt or moaning.
I went on a first (and last) date with a man who said he didn't understand why couples do separate things together. He said he would dedicate his life and do everything together. . Although I appreciate some would love that but for me, I ran for the hills.

Mine are similar to yours. Equal is important as well as independence for both of us. Honesty and determination. I guess some people have a need to be looked after. Or they are more materialistic which I am not.

@Didshejustsaythatoutloud, as a woman ho hates ironing I only can give you my sincere congratulations.

OP my list is similar to yours however I wouldn't have a relationship with someone that even been good is not financially independent. For me is like the ages I wouldn't date someone ten years younger or more than ten years older it would be very strange we are in the same page in life. In the same way I wouldn't pursue a relationship with someone that will be a financial burden and I would be very reluctant with someone how earns big money as well.
Thinks can happen but initially I would see both, little or much money as something to be wary off, just because our way of living would be different.

Mine are;

• family first (I’d rather have someone who is present that always working!)
• kindness
• integrity
• growth mindset

I think you're reading too much into it, obviously most people would want qualities other than money. And some of us do want to be with someone who earns a decent amount as it's money and not love that makes the world go round. I'd rather be happy than poor, but I actually doubt I'd be happy if I were poor!

I think there's a difference between food man and good husband material. Good husband material is the good man plus extras imo and one of the extras would be the ability to bring in his fair share of a decent income.

@Nofilteritwonthelp Define "poor" though? You may say hubby and I are "poor" on £3k combined p/m. But I don't think we are at all!
For me, having lived both lives, I'd far rather be poor and happy than rich and downright miserable.

Be kind
be able to converse
make me laugh
decent in bed
be solvent

these were my criteria when I was online dating. Be kind was top of the list and completely non-negotiable.

I guess poor depends on the person, but then even that is something as we all base a relationship on pros and cons

but money does not make a man bad or good - money is neutral

@jasminegamine Not by itself, no. But money helped facilitate my ex-husband's control and narcissism, no question.

Good man and good partner are very different things.

A good man has the same qualities as a good woman. I would prize integrity, honesty, kindness, strong ethical values and a sense of social justice. (I couldn't consider a racist or homophobic person good, even if they were kind to the people in their circle.) I don't really think work ethic has anything to do with goodness, and certainly not financial stability or wealth. (Indeed I'd say not being materialistic is more of a sign of goodness than wealth.) I would say these are the qualities I look for in friends.

A good partner is more about compatibility. Yes, they have to tick the above boxes, but they also have to tick boxes that have nothing to do with goodness and more to do with my personal desires. A good partner for me has to be sexually compatible, share some of my interests, be a decent conversationalist, and be reasonably independent. None of those things make someone a good or bad person, but they're still necessary for me in a partner. I suppose wealth could fit in here, if you were the kind of person who really prized it (I'm not).

I think many of the qualities that help people get to the top of a capitalistic society are morally dubious. Being cut-throat, being selfish, prioritising profits over anything else. This doesn't apply across the board but very few people have got to the top of the business world through kindness, generosity and a desire to fight for the marginalised underdogs of society.

maybe
but his traits and personality would be the same, perhaps with a bit less financial power but then other tools for manipulation would come into place

associating money = evil is a trap imo

sure, many people with lots of money have little awareness and little empathy, maybe because of what it takes to make and keep all that money in the 1st place plus the kind of people it attracts to your life…

but see my boyfriend for example: he is a high earner on his own right through hard working and qualifications and although it does not go very far in London, he could be having a much more comfortable and lavish life if he was choosing to use his family money - so he is happy to pay for dates and experiences and although he does not ‘provide’ for me, he would be happy to if we were to get married / live together.

On top of that he is the most respectful man, kind, considerate, patient, steady, consistent, affectionate, honest, present, generous, (time and effort), loyal and self aware

He also exercises and is phisically strong, has hobbies, has friends, is close to his family and childhood friends, loves to cook, is clean and organised, high higyene standards

Honestly I think he is an unicorn - there is so much more positive things I could say about him - we have been together for 8 months, so it is not like I’m infatuated or he is hiding his true colours - I usually don’t post a lot about my relationship because ppl acuse me of lying - but although nobody is perfect, I found someone who is everything I think perfection + money - I didn’t know about his family money until not long ago, so we built our relationship not taking that in consideration
Also we met on a dating app where he didn’t say his profession so I had no idea which earning bracket he was sitting on before our first date.

@LorlieS It is better to be rich and happy.

Someone who will always be on your side x

I agree there are double standards. Is so much easier to be branded a 'good man' for traits that are expected as the default in women.

@Ribikco I disagree.

@5128gap I agree in part.
What about when it comes to earnings though? Do we often hear of a man looking for a woman who earns "well"/will take on the role of sole provider?

@gannett I totally agree with you on this.

My DH is both a wonderful man and makes a lot (imo) of money. The money is irrelevant to his wonderfulness, but it's a nice bonus. Your new DH isn't a good man becuase he is poorer than your ex.

@Oliotya Can you be very wealthy and genuinely care about others? IMO they're not particularly compatible.
My ex-husband's wealth alone did not make him abusive, of course not, but it did give him power which facilitated his abuse.

Define "very wealthy"? Billionaire, I'd probably agree with you. Six figure salary in a boring finance job, of course you can. You can also be poor and be a horrible person. How often do we see care workers on the news for doing horrible things? All the time.
It's silly to equate money to goodness across the board.