For second wives, do you hate your exes first wife still having his surname?

[sunshineonarainyday2023]

Just curious really. I still have my exes surname as it's been my name for more than half my life and the cost of changing everything is pain.
I've noticed that most of my divorced friends still use their married name but I wondered if it riles the ex or the new wife?
I've been told by family members that my exes new wife hates that I still have his surname.

Cost of changing things? It shouldn't cost to change your name xx

I don't care what anybody calls themselves I judge people on their character really.

I'm pretty sure it would for driving licence and passport

Just out of curiosity, how does she even know what your surname is, officially?

It’s your surname. Not his. Me. Aren’t the only ones that own their names.

(It’s amazing to me that any woman changes her name because she’s signed a legal contract anyway. Would save an awful lot of anguish if they just stopped.)

It's totally up to you. Do you have dc and, if so, what surname do they have? If its a "family" surname then of course you'd want to keep it.

The 2nd wife sounds very insecure

I'm back to my maiden name , and it didn't cost me anything . I just took my birth certificate to the bank , Drs and inform the DVLA ( can't remember if I had to send it to them as proof )

Couldn't give a shit. She did ask if he minded like, thinking about it.

If my mum changed her name back then she’d have a different surname to my brother and I and that would make her even sadder than she is about the divorce.

But I haven’t changed my surname on marrying and my kids have both our surnames so I’m prepped for the future!

Nobody owns a name

its not “his” surname, it’s a surname you happen to have the same as him

Driving licence is free to change (minus cost of postage). You’d need a new passport, but you can keep your old one until it runs out as long as you travel with the name in your passport.

Doesn’t bother me in the slightest, I understand wanting to keep the same surname as their child.

No.
I kept my own name anyway, but not for that reason.
I’m judgy when second wives or new partners voice that opinion. If a woman had gone by her married name why on earth should she change again unless she wants to? It has become her name too.
Also, when there are children involved many women want to keep the same name as the children.

I kept mine to be the same as my children.

Re name change, yes it costs to get a new passport etc and the ball ache of changing your name on every single bank, credit card, mortgage, water bills, doctors, council tax etc etc etc...

No and it would never occur to me to even think about it. There's a lot more to navigate as a second wife than the ex’s name, and if children are involved then of course there will be strong feelings about family names, identity etc. it’s their name now rather than just the ex husbands.

I know someone who divorced Jane Smith, whom he had children with, and then remarried a Jane.....who took his name and didnt double barrell hers.

That was quite confusing from a practical viewpoint especially as with children the link remained for longer.

However, in all other ways this tit for tat jealousy about a name is childish. Its a name.

I've been told by family members that my exes new wife hates that I still have his surname.

Ask these family members to stop shit stirring.

@OneMoreTime23 "It’s amazing to me that any woman changes her name because she’s signed a legal contract anyway. Would save an awful lot of anguish if they just stopped."

Exactly.

I never changed mine because I had a business and traded under my maiden name. I also had a separate bank a/c. and he didn't like that.

It was useful when we got divorced as I didn't have to rejig all the finances around.

Again, women keep their own names and children get their mother’s names fixes that. Men can change their names if a “family name” Is so important to them.

not really.. i think the only time it bugged me was when she remarried.. and still kept it.
That was..weird.

I don't give a damn!

I kept the name initially, but it was a slightly embarrassing name (think "Focker") and after a few more years of gamely laughing along with jokes I decided I might as well change it actually. It was a pain, though - more complicated than when I got married. But my original name is much nicer.
I can't imagine why any of my exh's later partners would be affected in any way by my name. And if they were, why would I care?

Why? Maybe she had learned her lesson from the first time and didn’t want to identify herself in relation to another man again.

I didn’t change mine because nobody expected DH to even think about changing his and I didn’t see why we should be treated differently due to sex. DD has my name and DH’s as a middle name.

Well technically your ‘own’ name is one your parents gave you and you probably got your father’s surname. So much of it is a patriarchal society that doesn’t value a woman and still harks back to ownership days. I didn’t change my name on marriage - but I have and still have my abusive father’s name.