Husband doesn't want my parents to stay near us for a weekend when we're staying at coastal resort

[Orestesa]

I was hoping for some views about my husband's reaction about a suggestion I made.

My husband and I often go and stay on the Irish coast, because his parents have a holiday home there. We sometimes go there for a few weeks and work remotely from there. It's a lovely location near some landmarks.

My parents have never been to Ireland and would love to visit the landmarks on the coast. I thought it might be nice to suggest that they come over - just for a weekend - when we are there - but stay in a B&B somewhere nearby. We could then be their tour guides for a day and show them the coast, which we know well. A nice idea I thought?

But when I mentioned this idea to my husband, he was dead against it. He said he didn't want them coming over, and said if they're so keen to see the country, why haven't they been before given they're in their 70s.

I know they would love the experience and feel it's a shame I can't suggest it to them. I am baffled about why my husband is so against it. It would also be a good way to spend time with them. We would all have our own space.

Would others also feel baffled by this?

What a horrible man. Even if he didn’t get on with them, he could manage for a weekend so that you, his wife, get to spend quality time with your parents.

My parents sometimes invite me on their short trips away, and my partner will also happily come along if he is able to get the time to do so (otherwise I go along with them myself).

@GreatGateauxsby

With the exception of insisting that you pay for all meals and possibly accommodation, none of your list seems that weird. we have family who live a flight away and we'd absolutely expect a weekend to be a bit longer to justify the effort and expense, and similarly we'd assume that we'd largely be spending it with them - unless they had other people to see. My brother and his family are likely to be here for a 4 day weekend in the next few months and of course we'll all hang out together loads.

Sorry OP, I'm not surprised. What is it with parents, however well you get on with them,
wanting to do this?

wanting to spend a weekend with their daughter?

you can't understand why they'd want to do that?

what a strange post.

To Effie (sorry Idk how to reply directly) : No, I don't understand that. It would bother me and my husband.

Well it sounds as though you're well suited in that case.

I'm presuming you don't have kids.

Or if you do that you'll see them off into the world at 21 with a firm handshake and your best wishes. Relationship completed.

Maybe my family/DHs extended family are just more considerate/low maintenance? With them I have no problem with longer visits, the airport pick up or whatever… with mil it’s consistent expectation and work with little to no thanks. She expects “full service” and it’s a lot of work and money.

we are expected to buy meals when it’s our birthday, her birthday, DHs DBs birthday… etc it’s exhausting and expensive and it has to be a certain “level” of restaurant. Ie £££. In 6/7 years she has picked up the bill 3 times total.

Memorably we invited her for Christmas for 4 days when I was heavily pregnant. she came for 10… empty handed and did nothing to help as she was “on holiday”. I’m still salty about that one.

shes legally 😑 family! so I accommodate it but it does grate so like I said I’d want a heads up to prepare 😅

Most people have to be pleasant to their in laws but may not actually like them that much.

I wouldn't want to have my in laws around on a relaxing holiday. They are your parents, not his.

I suggest you do what you want with them and let him be free to spend that time how he wishes.

it's not a 'relaxing holiday' though...

Its only a weekend for goodness sake - you can be their tour guide and they can meet you both for dinner.

Yes, Effie, I am happily child free!!! 👍

Why wasn't the suggestion to stay in the cottage? It's strange to make them book a B&B just for the weekend.

I think we can infer, @Ormside that the OP is already aware of how unwelcoming her husband is towards her parents. Obviously having them to stay in the holiday home is too unacceptable to even be considered.

It’s a shame …

(And I bet it’s not a tiny cottage …)

you dont need his permission to visit parents that have flown over

Do you not like your parents?

Some people actually like their families and enjoy maintaining a relationship with them.

Radical, I know….

Thanks all. Many of you have confirmed my own thoughts - that's his attitude is unkind.

The reason why I didn't suggest that my parents stay with us in the house is that it doesn't feel like it's our house to offer to people. My husband's parents own it, and they haven't suggested that we invite my family to stay in it (they just let their kids & families stay in it). Anyway, my parents like b&bs so they wouldn't mind.

When we were talking about it, I did ask my husband what his reason was, and I said I thought it was odd and said I was disappointed he felt like that. He didn't give a good reason - he just said he didn't want it. I think he feels like the seaside town is his turf - because he went there a lot when young.

I told him it could be a fairly last-minute plan, so he's not tied down by it too much in advance.

He doesn't think he's being unreasonable, saying that he's happy to go and visit them in their home for a weekend (i.e. so i don't have anything to complain about because he's being decent). But it's not the same as giving them a fun weekend away and sharing the places we love there.

Op, this is an easy fix. Book a b&b at another seaside village (or the same one!) and go stay with your parents. Be honest with them as to why he’s not joining. What an asshole. His turf? Seriously? Sounds like a real child.

if I were you, I would invite them and book a two bedroom somewhere nice for the two days you’d like to see them and go do that. Don’t let your ‘d’h dictate this stuff.

I think he feels like the seaside town is his turf - because he went there a lot when young.

Sounds like some sort of arrested development. Surely hundreds of thousands of people have passed through that area since he was young - he can’t stand at the roadside blocking access. It’s completely beyond ridiculous.

Your parents, like all those other people are free to visit the area whenever they choose - for as long as they choose. No one needs his permission. No one is required to inform him.

Given this particular blockage in his head, I would be worried about others gradually surfacing. It is not normal at all.

Take your parents to Ireland at a different time and stay with/near them and show them around.

It's true I could just tell them to come come to a b&b near us even though my husband isn't happy with it. But the whole thing would feel weird if he wasn't supportive of it, and if didn't take take part enthusiastically.

Just to be clear, he never actually said it is 'his turf'. But that's the only reason I can think of for why he's so against it - and that he doesn't like my parents encroaching on it.

All the rationalising and looking for alternatives is avoiding the whole point of the thread. It's mean to object to your partner spending a weekend with their parents and the ownership of a certain area and exclusion of others, due to childhood memories, is frankly weird.

..... And we don't see my parents that much (I see them alone without him sometimes though). They live miles away and it takes 5+ hours.

When we are at the holiday house, his parents visit every weekend (their permanent home is an hour away) - which is nice and I encourage it, because it's good to see them.

So he is even more unreasonable and selfish than you made out in your first post

So what's good for the gander isn't permitted for the goose?

Ugh.

It must be hurtful to realise this about your partner. Probably more so than the actual practicalities of arranging alternative visits to see your parents.