Husband doesn't want my parents to stay near us for a weekend when we're staying at coastal resort

[Orestesa]

I was hoping for some views about my husband's reaction about a suggestion I made.

My husband and I often go and stay on the Irish coast, because his parents have a holiday home there. We sometimes go there for a few weeks and work remotely from there. It's a lovely location near some landmarks.

My parents have never been to Ireland and would love to visit the landmarks on the coast. I thought it might be nice to suggest that they come over - just for a weekend - when we are there - but stay in a B&B somewhere nearby. We could then be their tour guides for a day and show them the coast, which we know well. A nice idea I thought?

But when I mentioned this idea to my husband, he was dead against it. He said he didn't want them coming over, and said if they're so keen to see the country, why haven't they been before given they're in their 70s.

I know they would love the experience and feel it's a shame I can't suggest it to them. I am baffled about why my husband is so against it. It would also be a good way to spend time with them. We would all have our own space.

Would others also feel baffled by this?

they are your parents after all and you seem to have a good relationship with them. Shitty of your DH to put you in that situation. Nasty.

I agree. Your parents are not going to be around forever and a lovely chance for a get-together. They're not staying with you so what's the problem?

Is your husband/partner generally selfish/egocentric/controlling?

Any man that makes a problem of family visiting me would be me wondering if he wants to isolate me and it would give me a wake-up call.

No kids with him I hope.....

He said he didn't want them coming over, and said if they're so keen to see the country, why haven't they been before given they're in their 70s

He sounds extremely rigid in his attitudes. didn't want them coming over
should have come to Ireland before their 70's

I'd rather have my - they sound wonderful - parents over than a controlling man telling me how to live my life, thanks.

We once went on holiday with my in laws, sharing a caravan on the south coast. Never again! Under normal circumstances we all got along amazingly, however, we all got on each others nerves after the first couple of days.

Came home after 4 days when in fact we had booked a full week.

lesson learned

Thankfully he doesn't have a say, so he can be "dead against it" all he likes.

What a miserable git.

Thing is he can't stop them going to ireland. I'd still move ahead with plans get them to stay longer maybe 4-5 nights and you go and enjoy time with them.

Sod him and the grumpy attitude. Who put him in charge anyhow? Your parents don't need to know he's being rude just tell them he is working and busy and exclude him from your time with them.

Utterly baffling reaction! They wouldn't even be staying in the holiday cottage with the two of you and as you say you are sometimes there for extended periods so it's not as if it's a precious few days of holiday together as a couple. It's very odd behaviour to tell you your parents can't come to Ireland and stay in a B&B because they've never done it before. In your shoes, I'd just say they're coming and you'll take them sightseeing over the weekend without any input or involvement from him.

Does he say why? Is he one of those types who complains to you endlessly about everything under the sun but would never do so to anyone else?

Does he see that as time to spend with his family and do you see your parents regularly? If so, how often? It may be a jealousy thing. Or if you see your parents all the time, this is perhaps his place to escape that.

Odd beyond belief. I’d solve it by just going with your parents and staying with them at the B&B, and take them out sightseeing.

I just don’t get it really. We lived a long way from my parents (a decent flight). Mum came to visit us once a year for around 10 days, and usually during that time I was working so just spent time with her around that. DH and I could only really coordinate time off every 3 years or so, and we would go on a family holiday. And pay for mum to come and join us. DH didn’t quibble, and if he did I would have said it was fine, he could stay at home😁.

Perhaps there should be a law about welcoming in laws on holiday. Seriously though, an awful lot of posters on here would be resistant to their in laws along on a working holiday.
Your parents in law are incredibly generous about lending you their holiday home. I think it would be cheeky to ask them to lend it to your parents.
Posters on here are so warm and welcoming to their own parents. Often not welcoming at all to in laws. My sister in law has once lent us her holiday villa. She hates being railroaded into lending it friends or family. I do understand why.
Perhaps your husband feels it is a special place for him and his family and wants to keep it that way.
Do you pay to use the holiday home OP? Or do your in laws very generously lend it for free? You might not want to rock the boat by feeling you have the right to extend their generosity to your family members.

@Thecompleteposter you've invented that scenario as her parents wouldn't be staying at the holiday home

Doesn't he like them? He's being unreasonable really, but there's nothing to stop them booking their hotel and you taking them out for the day without him if he wants to sulk.

Your husband needs to grow up

What a mean utterly, utterly miserable sod he sounds!

Could he be worried it becomes a regular thing-them coming over

If a woman posted on here complaining about her PIL wanting to come over and stay for a weekend, she'd be robustly supported because it's perfectly alright on MN to hate and be rude to your DH's family without any good reason.

OP, I would tell your DH that your DPs are coming over and he'd better stop being so mean minded and pathetic. Moreover, he doesn't "own" Ireland and doesn't get to dictate where your parents go on holiday. During your parents' holiday, you will be showing them round and inviting them to see the cottage but they won't be staying there as they haven't even asked to. If he can't muster up some basic manners and hospitality to family members, then he's not the man you thought he was and you will be rethinking your relationship.

@Thecompleteposter You might not want to rock the boat by feeling you have the right to extend their generosity to your family members

That would be correct, but if you read, it’s NOT the scenario OP put forward at any point. It was clear that her parents would NOT be staying with herself/DH, but instead would be in seperate unassociated B&B accomodation nearby.

What an arsehole move on the part of your husband.

But, I mean, too bad for him - because he doesn’t get to decide or dictate who goes on holiday to Ireland.

They’re not even staying with you, so just go ahead, and meet up with them on your own terms while they’re there.

He can sit at home like the misery he is.

You might want to re-read the OP.

Well what's the back story? Does he get along with them normally?

There's nothing preventing this plan. Your parents can book whatever B&B they choose and you can be their tour guide for a day if you choose. Your husband doesn't have to join you if he doesn't want to, but he can't stop you.

But either he's being a dick for no reason, in which case I wonder whether he has controlling tendencies in other areas too.

Or there's a history you haven't told us which means he thinks your parents will constantly intrude on his working holiday, in which case he's being reasonable.

You need more reasons from your dh op.
He needs to explain himself.

Maybe his parents didn’t get on with yours at the wedding and his family are worried that your dps will muscle in on their holiday spot?

Or maybe he secretly has an issue with some things that yours dps do and he is too kind to tell you?

Who knows until you understand his reasoning?

He just sounds nasty to me.

I can’t stand this kind of reaction from partners around family.

You show them around and he can do whatever it is he wants to do.

You need to talk with him to understand why he doesn't want them there. Like a proper chat as having that reaction to your parents joining is just disappointing and weird. He is being unreasonable and I would not drop it.

They are adults and can go where they like.

You are an adult and can choose how to spend your free time.