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Original poster

Husband doesn't want my parents to stay near us for a weekend when we're staying at coastal resort

324 replies

Orestesa · 22/01/2024 00:20

I was hoping for some views about my husband's reaction about a suggestion I made.

My husband and I often go and stay on the Irish coast, because his parents have a holiday home there. We sometimes go there for a few weeks and work remotely from there. It's a lovely location near some landmarks.

My parents have never been to Ireland and would love to visit the landmarks on the coast. I thought it might be nice to suggest that they come over - just for a weekend - when we are there - but stay in a B&B somewhere nearby. We could then be their tour guides for a day and show them the coast, which we know well. A nice idea I thought?

But when I mentioned this idea to my husband, he was dead against it. He said he didn't want them coming over, and said if they're so keen to see the country, why haven't they been before given they're in their 70s.

I know they would love the experience and feel it's a shame I can't suggest it to them. I am baffled about why my husband is so against it. It would also be a good way to spend time with them. We would all have our own space.

Would others also feel baffled by this?

OP posts:
MILTOBE · 22/01/2024 16:03

Is this typical of his behaviour, OP? You both go and stay at your parents' house, don't you? Can he not see the hypocrisy in this?

What are his parents like? Have they seen much of your parents and do they get along?

Namerequired · 22/01/2024 16:05

He’s an ass!! Bring them anyway. I’m sure your in-laws would be happy to have them in the holiday home and just haven’t thought to invite them or left it up to yous.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/01/2024 16:40

The reason why I didn't suggest that my parents stay with us in the house is that it doesn't feel like it's our house to offer to people. My husband's parents own it, and they haven't suggested that we invite my family to stay in it

Mention to your Irish MIL that your parents are coming over for the weekend and planning to stay in a B&B nearby. See what they say Grin.

Do this in your husband's presence and watch his face GrinGrin.

JustExistingNotLiving · 22/01/2024 16:56

But the whole thing would feel weird if he wasn't supportive of it, and if didn't take take part enthusiastically.

Thats the whole point of his behaviour though.
He KNOWS you won’t do something he isn’t that keen on. So he just has to be grumpy, proposed something semi decent instead and that’s it he is off the hook.
Lets be honest, if the shoe was on the other foot and you were saying NO to his parents coming to see him, what would happen? Would he just accept it or he would ignore your ‘unhappiness’?
(and does he ever actually organise anything to see his parents himself - the cottage doesn’t count. It’s their place)

Darkofnight · 22/01/2024 17:15

Seems odd. Is his behaviour rigid in orher ways or is this unusual?

LadyEloise1 · 22/01/2024 17:16

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/01/2024 16:40

The reason why I didn't suggest that my parents stay with us in the house is that it doesn't feel like it's our house to offer to people. My husband's parents own it, and they haven't suggested that we invite my family to stay in it

Mention to your Irish MIL that your parents are coming over for the weekend and planning to stay in a B&B nearby. See what they say Grin.

Do this in your husband's presence and watch his face GrinGrin.

This absolutely!!!
Most Irish people would be hospitable to their inlaws.
He sounds odd OP (I'm being kind) and or controlling.

Notmetoo · 22/01/2024 17:20

I think that's a shame and I would assume it means he doesn't like your parents. Do they generally get on ok?

MILTOBE · 22/01/2024 17:24

Do his parents ever come to stay in your own house? Do your parents feel welcome in your house?

Notmetoo · 22/01/2024 17:25

Thecompleteposter · 22/01/2024 04:36

Perhaps there should be a law about welcoming in laws on holiday. Seriously though, an awful lot of posters on here would be resistant to their in laws along on a working holiday.
Your parents in law are incredibly generous about lending you their holiday home. I think it would be cheeky to ask them to lend it to your parents.
Posters on here are so warm and welcoming to their own parents. Often not welcoming at all to in laws. My sister in law has once lent us her holiday villa. She hates being railroaded into lending it friends or family. I do understand why.
Perhaps your husband feels it is a special place for him and his family and wants to keep it that way.
Do you pay to use the holiday home OP? Or do your in laws very generously lend it for free? You might not want to rock the boat by feeling you have the right to extend their generosity to your family members.

The OPs parents were going to stay in a B&B nearby not the holiday cottage.

BayCityCoaster · 22/01/2024 17:27

Orestesa · 22/01/2024 15:57

..... And we don't see my parents that much (I see them alone without him sometimes though). They live miles away and it takes 5+ hours.

When we are at the holiday house, his parents visit every weekend (their permanent home is an hour away) - which is nice and I encourage it, because it's good to see them.

Explain this to him.

And tell him that is making you feel incredibly disappointed in him.

God, honestly - I’d hate to be married to someone like this.

You know, you can cave and let him have his own way. Not force him to do something he doesn’t want to.

Bit it’s not a benign act. It makes you see him in a different way, and it makes you like him a lot less.

That’s not good.

Quitelikeit · 22/01/2024 17:32

Hmm your updates are a little worrying. You don’t seem to feel able to rock the boat.

You might not realise that at the moment but going forward I’m sure it will become apparent.

Brefugee · 22/01/2024 18:05

Orestesa · 22/01/2024 15:57

..... And we don't see my parents that much (I see them alone without him sometimes though). They live miles away and it takes 5+ hours.

When we are at the holiday house, his parents visit every weekend (their permanent home is an hour away) - which is nice and I encourage it, because it's good to see them.

i got this far and:
He is a knob. A real knob.
Book the B&B and spend as much time as you want with them.
You don't have to stay with him if he is going to be a knob like this. really you don't

Bumblebeestiltskin · 22/01/2024 18:23

Why don't you take a trip over there with your parents without him? I'm assuming he's got a reason for being against it, unless he has form for being a dick for the sake of it. Maybe he finds them hard work. Who knows?

biscuitnut · 22/01/2024 18:27

Mumsnet is hilarious. The husband is being an arse because he doesn’t want his in laws tagging along. Really?? I see so many posts on here where it’s a different story when it’s the woman’s in laws. MIL on holiday with you! Nightmare. Such double standards.

SirChenjins · 22/01/2024 18:29

Go ahead with your plans and spend the weekend with your parents - you don’t need his permission.

I’d find it very difficult to forgive DH if he pulled this one.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 22/01/2024 18:33

I do get where he’s coming from. I feel quite possessive about my childhood places too, I really wouldn’t want my in laws to visit ‘my’ places with me.
but my parents split up and even now childhood memories are so precious and fragile.
also, I get it but I also know it’s unreasonable. I would probably ask my partner to show them around and pretend I had work meetings.

SirChenjins · 22/01/2024 18:35

This isn’t just a childhood place though - they spend weeks there together now.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/01/2024 18:41

Orestesa · 22/01/2024 15:57

..... And we don't see my parents that much (I see them alone without him sometimes though). They live miles away and it takes 5+ hours.

When we are at the holiday house, his parents visit every weekend (their permanent home is an hour away) - which is nice and I encourage it, because it's good to see them.

I'd be telling him you've given it more thought and given you see his family every single weekend you're there, you don't think it's unreasonable to see your own
However, as you always have plans with his family on the weekends and yours aren't welcome, you'll suggest a midweek trip and you'll take a couple of days leave so he can get on and work and it won't interfere with him.

If he has objections for that, you want something more solid than just not wanting them near him

Lollypop701 · 22/01/2024 18:47

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/01/2024 16:40

The reason why I didn't suggest that my parents stay with us in the house is that it doesn't feel like it's our house to offer to people. My husband's parents own it, and they haven't suggested that we invite my family to stay in it

Mention to your Irish MIL that your parents are coming over for the weekend and planning to stay in a B&B nearby. See what they say Grin.

Do this in your husband's presence and watch his face GrinGrin.

This!!!! Unless his parents are different to most Irish people they will insist they stay

BayCityCoaster · 22/01/2024 18:48

biscuitnut · 22/01/2024 18:27

Mumsnet is hilarious. The husband is being an arse because he doesn’t want his in laws tagging along. Really?? I see so many posts on here where it’s a different story when it’s the woman’s in laws. MIL on holiday with you! Nightmare. Such double standards.

I’m not sure if you’re being deliberately obtuse, or if you genuinely can’t see any difference in the two situations.

People take issue with in-laws staying with people, freeloading, not helping, being demanding about how days are spent and doing everyone together, etc, etc, etc.

This is two parents staying in a totally different place and hoping to do some sight-seeing together.

redheadsaregreat · 22/01/2024 19:33

Bobbotgegrinch · 22/01/2024 00:27

Presumably he wants a holiday, rather than to be tour guide for your parents.

I've been on holiday with my PIL before, it's never exactly relaxing.

A weekend out of a stay of weeks is hardly arduous. OP states that they often stay weeks and wfh there. Not quite muscling in

JustExistingNotLiving · 22/01/2024 19:40

biscuitnut · 22/01/2024 18:27

Mumsnet is hilarious. The husband is being an arse because he doesn’t want his in laws tagging along. Really?? I see so many posts on here where it’s a different story when it’s the woman’s in laws. MIL on holiday with you! Nightmare. Such double standards.

Except that the OP and her dh aren’t on hols.
The IL aren’t staying with them (the OP didn’t dare proposing it!)
And it’s only a weekend, not a week long in a distant place (where you aren’t
Iikeky to go back again).

Two very different situations imo.

Canthave2manycats · 22/01/2024 23:05

biscuitnut · 22/01/2024 18:27

Mumsnet is hilarious. The husband is being an arse because he doesn’t want his in laws tagging along. Really?? I see so many posts on here where it’s a different story when it’s the woman’s in laws. MIL on holiday with you! Nightmare. Such double standards.

A load of nonsense - it's only a weekend, and they wouldn't be staying in the same accommodation!

@Orestesa I'd be telling him that they are coming. He doesn't own fucking Ireland. He doesn't have to spend any time with them or just send him packing back home before they get there. He is being a total arse.

BrucieBru · 22/01/2024 23:41

It’s a weekend out of a few weeks. He is being a dick!

Fionaville · 23/01/2024 00:37

Oh I'd absolutely hate his reaction! My DH gets on great with my parents, which is just as well because we usually holiday with them! We've been on plenty of holidays with my in-laws too. If you love someone and their parents have only been nice to you, it's cruel not to make the effort.