Husband doesn't want my parents to stay near us for a weekend when we're staying at coastal resort

[Orestesa]

I was hoping for some views about my husband's reaction about a suggestion I made.

My husband and I often go and stay on the Irish coast, because his parents have a holiday home there. We sometimes go there for a few weeks and work remotely from there. It's a lovely location near some landmarks.

My parents have never been to Ireland and would love to visit the landmarks on the coast. I thought it might be nice to suggest that they come over - just for a weekend - when we are there - but stay in a B&B somewhere nearby. We could then be their tour guides for a day and show them the coast, which we know well. A nice idea I thought?

But when I mentioned this idea to my husband, he was dead against it. He said he didn't want them coming over, and said if they're so keen to see the country, why haven't they been before given they're in their 70s.

I know they would love the experience and feel it's a shame I can't suggest it to them. I am baffled about why my husband is so against it. It would also be a good way to spend time with them. We would all have our own space.

Would others also feel baffled by this?

Presumably he wants a holiday, rather than to be tour guide for your parents.

I've been on holiday with my PIL before, it's never exactly relaxing.

Seriously? Does your H and in-laws not get along? Or is he just being an a-hole for no reason - other than, maybe, laziness. Or wanting to be the center of attention...

In your place - I'd ask his parents if you and your parents could use a family home for a weekend at a time your parents want to travel. I'd then leave the sulking grown up man-child at home and travel with your parents.

I understand not wanting to go on a holiday with in-laws. But this is not that. It's a weekend. He doesn't need to come along - I presume - when you drive around and show your parents the coast. He can stay at home and work/relax.
Etc.

It seems a nice idea to me! As you say, everyone would have their own space, and your parents would enjoy it, so ...why not? Has he said what he objects to? Is he generally reasonable?

Why are they not staying in the sand cottage?

It seems like a pretty mean reaction by your husband especially since this is a place you visit regularly.

Hi @Bobbotgegrinch , we often stay there for weeks at a time and work remotely, so it's not a 'holiday' in the normal sense of the word.

He's being unreasonable unless they really don't get along - it would just be one weekend out of a several-week trip.

My parents are nice to him - when they're together, they get along fine.

yeah it's a weird reaction from him.

If it's just for 1 day or 1 weekend, I think your husband is being unreasonable.

(Unless there is a lot of backstory between your husband and your parents).

Wow your DH is an asshole! I could understand if he didn't want to stay for weeks on end in the same house, but what a huge overreaction. I wouldn't take well to someone treating my parents this way. (We've been on plenty of holidays with my parents, it's been nice to be able to give them new experiences, like they gave me when I was a child).

I am baffled about why my husband is so against it

Did you not ask him why?

Not sure about the logic of not doing something you’ve never done cos you’ve never done it before. He sounds a bit of an own-way merchant.

Can't you be the tour guide and leave grumpy at the holiday home?

"if they're so keen to see the country, why haven't they been before" rude - as if we're only allowed to go to countries we've visited before once we're 70+ 🙄

As you go for a few weeks and work from there & presumably sometimes see his family I think he's being a bit unkind.

It would be different if you had a week long stay somewhere you had never been & they invited themselves along.

How incredibly mean of him. As you say, it’s not like it’s your honeymoon or one precious holiday weekend of the year. Why would he not want to share your good times and very good fortune with your side of the family?

(Is he for some reason afraid that once they’ve seen the holiday house they’ll want to spend much more time there? He’s a bit of a selfish bastard, isn’t he?)

Thankfully (presumably) he hadn’t bought up the entire coastline of Ireland. Your parents don’t need his permission to travel there or to stay in a hotel / B&B. And you don’t need his permission to meet up with them.

I thought it might be nice to suggest that they come over - just for a weekend - when we are there - but stay in a B&B somewhere nearby.

The fact you suggested they stay in a B&B for the weekend rather in the holiday home with you suggests maybe you had an inkling he'd be resistant to their visit?

On the surface of it seems very mean-spirited of him.

I would have asked him straight out what his problem was.

I have always understood that one purpose of marriage is to bring families together.

Can I ask - have your in-laws never suggested inviting your parents to visit?

If not, why not? Is there a vast gap in wealth between his parents and yours? Such that you always have to feel like a grateful hanger-on who gets no say in family life? Because it does seem as if you’re missing out. Clearly you have a lovely life, but it could possibly be even lovelier if you could share it …

Sorry, OP! That’s a really bizarre way to meet your suggestion regarding your parents come for a short visit. I’d be appalled if my DH spoke this way, honestly.

they are your parents after all and you seem to have a good relationship with them. Shitty of your DH to put you in that situation. Nasty.

It’s two damn days, give me a break.

Your husband is a dick and your parents aren't getting any younger.

I'd invite them and go stay at the BnB with them.

Fucker.

I'd be so disappointed in my DH if he did that

The only reason I can think of is that the place is special to him from his childhood, and he doesn't really like your parents much so doesn't want to associate them with his 'retreat.

I'd suggest taking them on your own, and leave him at home.

Did you not challenge your husband regarding his reaction? It really does seem so unreasonable of him. I find it hard to believe that this aspect of his personality hasn't reared it's ugly head before now.

I say you should plan a trip to Ireland just for you and your parents.

But @Meadowfinch, the OP’s parents don’t need ‘taking’. And no law prevents the OP from meeting her parents in Ireland while she is staying at her in-laws’ holiday home.

(Apologies if I’ve wrongly assumed you are female, @Orestesa)