Husband doesn't want my parents to stay near us for a weekend when we're staying at coastal resort

[Orestesa]

I was hoping for some views about my husband's reaction about a suggestion I made.

My husband and I often go and stay on the Irish coast, because his parents have a holiday home there. We sometimes go there for a few weeks and work remotely from there. It's a lovely location near some landmarks.

My parents have never been to Ireland and would love to visit the landmarks on the coast. I thought it might be nice to suggest that they come over - just for a weekend - when we are there - but stay in a B&B somewhere nearby. We could then be their tour guides for a day and show them the coast, which we know well. A nice idea I thought?

But when I mentioned this idea to my husband, he was dead against it. He said he didn't want them coming over, and said if they're so keen to see the country, why haven't they been before given they're in their 70s.

I know they would love the experience and feel it's a shame I can't suggest it to them. I am baffled about why my husband is so against it. It would also be a good way to spend time with them. We would all have our own space.

Would others also feel baffled by this?

Yes, given the virtually limitless choices we have in this day and age, it's a very bad argument.

Depends on the family surely.

We've all read enough threads about toxic in-law behaviour to know that not wanting to spend time with your partner's family can be very reasonable.

Exactly!

Why ask strangers on a forum when you could ask him? His reasons could be perfectly valid (or not) but at least you would know why.

That's his special place and he's lucky enough to have access to his parents holiday house. You've settled into a nice routine of using it for extended periods and working from there.

He doesn't want to disrupt that with people staying nearby or having to take someone else in consideration. I do, kind of, get it.

That’s just mean.

Luckily he doesn’t get to dictate where your parents go on holidays.

my friends son moved to some far flung part of Singapore, he never considered visiting there either until his son moved there? He just came back from spending Christmas there at age 75.
What a stupid argument.

Book it and let your husband get over it.

He is being unreasonable. It's one weekend! Surely he can put himself just slightly for a weekend? If not, he's a selfish dick.

If it’s just a weekend, he doesn’t need to be involved. Just tell him it’s happening. He doesn’t get a say what happens between you as your parents.

Lots of posters have suggested the OP ask her PILs if her parents can use the holiday house.
As I said perhaps it should be more common for PILs to accompany their family on holiday. However, I think a lot of posters on here would hate their PILS accompanying them on a holiday even if it was a working holiday.
The message from most posters on here is, for a woman, her parents come before the husband's wishes. Worth bearing in mind if a husband wants to bring his parents along.

Vastly different scenarios here.

OP- I’m sure you’ve seen signs of selfishness from your husband before this?
Is there a disparity in wealth?

It sounds mean on the face of it, but you need to ask him if there’s no obvious reason for him to be reluctant.

Blimey, if they wanted to stay with you in the same property then I could understand his reluctance but they'd be staying somewhere entirely different!
Your parents are free to go wherever they want, they don't need your husband's permission. I'd be inclined to show them around and leave the miserable arse to sulk.

Is he equally weird.about going to.visit your parents or.having them to stay at your normal home?

This reaction seems.extremely OTT unless he doesn't like them and consistently tries to avoid them.

Perhaps he is planning to commit a crime whilst in Ireland.

Seriously though, you need to ask him why and he needs to tell you.

Really?? A weekend out of a few weeks? You think that's reasonable?

I see both sides. It's his holiday too, so I can understand why he wouldn't want to 'babysit'... but if you've been there many times before, for two days, I think he can handle it.

This is a strange reaction from him then. Even if I invited friends or siblings for a couple of days while working remotely for a few weeks, I’d be alarmed if my partner had a big issue with it unless he completely hated them.

Especially as they aren’t even staying in the same accommodation.

A friend of mine was recently working and staying in an Airbnb in the south of England with her family. They invited me to spend a few days with them - shock horror, in their actual accommodation.

I am forever baffled at the lack of hospitality displayed on here by some people and wonder if it’s cultural to an extent . My friend, for instance is American.

Many of my friends are first or second gen immigrants if not immigrants themselves from various parts of the world. This would be considered massively rude and hostile in my social circle, even not having the in-laws stay a few days would be eyebrow raising.

Your husband is being an arse. I wouldn’t want my PILs to join us in holiday but wouldn’t say they couldn’t visit. Even if they are not your cup of tea they are your partners relatives so you take one for the team sometimes!

🙄

If this was a normal holiday I may agree with him, in your circumstances I think he's being ridiculous.

@Orestesa

Your husband sounds pretty mean spirited to react so rudely to you in connection with your parents - who've been nice to him.

Why not suggest the weekend with your parents and book a b&b for your parents and for you to spend time together and leave him to his own devices? He doesn't, fortunately, own the country he doesn't want your parents to visit.

Given his reaction you might even enjoy the weekend more anyway. 🌹

@Thecompleteposter ive just gone through the thread and no, lots of posters are not saying the OPs parents should be invited to the holiday cottage - 3 queried it!

Actually I'm quite with the husband on this one. I have a couple of more unusual hobbies and it's amazing the amount of people who suddenly want to join me. They've never mentioned ever wanting to do it before and suddenly lose all enthusiasm when I tell them to book themselves on a beginners course (as I had to do) and be responsible for all their own kit etc.
He has a valid point that it's funny they are now so keen to visit Ireland when you happen to be a stones throw away to arrange everything and ferry then around.
I expect your husband is thinking it won't just be weekend. What if they love it and keep wanting to come back, perhaps he's worried you'll start inviting them to stay with you for longer periods.
Why not suggest your parents book a B&B for a few days in another part of Ireland, you can go and join them for the weekend and they can show you around? It would be interesting to see if they are quite so keen.

They are coming to spend time with their daughter AND see the place.

Why not suggest your parents book a B&B for a few days in another part of Ireland, you can go and join them for the weekend and they can show you around? It would be interesting to see if they are quite so keen.

Gosh that will jolly well show 'em'

The grasping blighters.

Clever little you!

Well of course they won’t be keen @ek20 - being miles away from their daughter and the area she’s been describing to them….?