Given a choice, I wonder whether a lot of women would prefer to live on their ‘own’ whilst remaining in a relationship?

[BigButtons]

Many of my friends ( marriages/ long term relationships now over) won’t countenance living with a partner again. They are happy to be in relationships but don’t want to share a house on a full time basis.
just wondering whether lots of women feel this way?

That is my arrangement with my current partner who lives close by in his own flat. After a long marriage I really value my own space

@Mimami We have an extra bedroom but DH kicks up a fuss when I suggest that we have separate rooms, says that I don’t like him anymore, etc.

I just think that we’d both sleep better and I love the idea of having my own room!

oh think of the lovely peace…

I agree with all of this. Except maybe not NEXT door, a few doors away maybe.

I don't know...
There'd be some plus points and some negatives..
I think the thing is if I were wealthy enough to maintain a separate house from my husband actually a lot of the negative things about living in a house with him would evaporate. So there'd be no need. I'd just hire a cleaner and send out laundrey.. maybe have a study room each where we could get space from each other from time to time. No need to go the whole way with separate houses.
I do like having my husband in the house just the extra cleaning winds you up sometimes.. especially if you've got different ways of doing things etc.. for example I wash dishes under running water but he uses a bowl which gives me the ick etc
Basically any irritation I have could be solved by outsourcing cleaning which is far cheaper than buying two houses

Your auntie is now my hero and I don’t even know her name.

I think there are just so many things that you can’t effectively pay someone else to do. Unless you have live-in help and even then they aren’t going to make all of your decisions. Like “what do you want to watch??” “I don’t know, what do you want to watch?” That won’t suddenly go away just because you have money.

This is so interesting. Do you share the homes you each live in? Like do you feel like his home is also yours?

I’d love to live on my own, no relationship required thanks. The problem is I have a DH, who is ok really and I couldn’t go through with splitting up.

Genuinely I do think any issues we have would go away with money.

We get on very well and have similar interests... we wouldn't be sat there arguing about what to do or watch on TV..

It's just neither of us are particularly good at housekeeping, both disinterested in cooking, we both work full time and we have two children and a 3rd on the way so if we bicker it's usually because we are very tired or it's about housework or cooking... which neither of us are good at or interested in.. it's not like one of us is doing it all and the others not stepping up it's just we both hate it and I'm sure annoy each other when we have to tidy up after each other.. which we both often have to do obviously..

Problems which definitely would be solved by outsourcing some of it.

Unfortunately we are not wealthy people@AliceOlive lol!

Yes I think that makes sense.

I'm getting married this year, we're both divorced, both have children from previous marriage.
We have two houses and intend to move apart.
I've been really clear, even when the children leave home I never intend on living with him.
It works for us

@Penguinfeetteal

He then got ill and said oh I'll move in now so you can help and look after me. She said no thanks you can't just expect me to be your carer for the rest of my life because it suits you now.

What a very sensible woman - I bet that rocked him back on his heels. 🌹

I do wonder if those of us who think our lives would be easier if we lived alone would get a few shocks.
My wife takes care of money management for me and while I am used to doing it, she has done that for a few years now.
Equally, an old housemate of mine, who is now married and has regularly posted about how women like her do the bulk of the house work, recently found out that bathrooms need proper cleaning. She was used to haousemants like me, then maids, then her husband doing it.

This is so much more common in other countries than the UK.
Officially it's called LAT -Living Apart Together.
There is a Facebook group called Apartners - most people on it are American.

Part of the reason my last relationship ended was because he wanted to live with me and I didn't want that.
We started as FWB and it developed into a relationship and I was always clear that I would never live with a partner again due to a really crap 17yr marriage. He said he felt the same and he wanted a seperate home for him and his son.
Turns out that wasn't true and he did want to live with someone but didn't tell me until over 2 years in, apparently he thought I'd change my mind.
Similarly to another posters Aunt,he said he wanted to know that someone would care for him in old age.
I had always been clear that I would never be a partners carer/nurse as I'd done too much of that in my marriage. I did tell him I would sort out paid carers for him....
I mean the discussion was pointless really as he was 36 and I was 40 so a long way off needing care🤦‍♀️

I'm now early 40's and I do think it's common in people who are divorced to not want to live with someone again.

Currently I'm single and have some men I can call on in my hour of need. Sleepovers are limited as I hate them and just need to be on my own.

I’m happily married so can’t imagine another relationship but no, I wouldn’t want to live alone. I did it in my twenties and thirties and didn’t enjoy it at all. I prefer to live with loved ones.

@SortingItOut, you make a good point, I think, about it being more unusual in the UK. Much of that is that assets like property are valued for than labour. So if you are working for a living, you do not get much living space. Which is bad enough when living together and makes living apart impossible.

After my divorce I lived in my own with my dc for over 5 years. It was lovely being the Queen of my own castle and having that time with my dc.

My partner of 4 years moved in with us 6 months ago and it has taken some adjustment for us both (he previously live on his own too) but to be honest, the cost of living was getting to be too much to manage a house and bills with one average wage.

He was paying a lot of rent for his house for just him and I was starting to struggle to it just made sense.

We did build a garden office for him though as we both WFH and there just wasn’t space in the house. This way we still have our own space but have the benefits that come with living together.
I would still prefer to sleep alone though 😂

@Sunshineandflipflops tbh finances are the only thing that might make me consider it - it seems crazy paying 2 sets of rent/mortgage plus bills etc. We'd both be pretty comfortable if we shared one set, as it is we both manage but there's not much left over.

I'd hate to have to give up my independence just for money though.

@HamBone yes I have the same issue- would suit me far more as he's prone to nightmares and twitching etc - honestly sometimes I think he's going to give me a heart attack when he 'wakes up' rambling loudly

I've been married 12 years and we live together.
I still feel like I live like I was at home.
I have my own room, he works alday.
I have the house to myself bringing up our 2nd child, 2 year old.
Then we come together in the evenings for family time/dinner/relax.

@Crikeyalmighty, I know how it is. That said, I feel it is good that I am around during that time to reassure and calm her.
I have also have been shoved or had my nose held closed when she has woken up in a bad mood, which is less fun :D

@Sweden99 wow- that's not good!!

@Crikeyalmighty, There will always be something. This is a wife who has a job, does housework, is affectionate etc, so it more than balances out!

Is she awake when she holds your nose closed though? It sounds very distressing.