Given a choice, I wonder whether a lot of women would prefer to live on their ‘own’ whilst remaining in a relationship?

[BigButtons]

Many of my friends ( marriages/ long term relationships now over) won’t countenance living with a partner again. They are happy to be in relationships but don’t want to share a house on a full time basis.
just wondering whether lots of women feel this way?

Definitely. I'm 43 and divorced with two kids and had a terrible experience of a blended family. Lived with my for 8 years but spent the vast majority of my adult life single or living without a partner. I wouldn't mind some companionship but I definitely wouldn't ever live with a man again. I hate even sharing a bed. The only upside I can see is a financial one.

When it came to house shares, I used to say the best thing was a really great housemate. Next best was nothing, then a huge amount of space, then a really good housemate.
We will not have many people that count as a great housemate, even including the fine people on this thread :D

I would never live with another bloke. They allow you to do the lion's share of the house work and chores while they leave a trail of mess, rather like a dog peeing up every lamp post marking their territory and remind you they are there. You just become an invisible skivvy and they just act as if they are entitled to never grow up. Very unattractive.

Yes, 100%. I'm married but living with DH drives me insane and I have said that our ultimate goal for when DC leaves home/our retirement should be to have separate homes. I love the idea of having my own space & seeing DH a few days a week. It would cripple us financially but my God it might just be worth it to save all the petty arguments & resentment about who does more around the house (me, always me). I'm sure our relationship would be better if we lived apart.

This is 100% how I feel. It’s how I felt when i was single too (I’ve always thought this would be ideal if I got married too). My current relationship began with a cocklodger situation which never ended, so I currently kind of live with someone against my will 😉 Would never let it happen again !!!!

This is exactly what I suspect with my partner – every time he uses the kitchen or goes somewhere, he leaves a trail of stuff, even where it would be just as easy not to.

I’ve asked him if it’s because he just wants it to be made known that he exists. I really think it’s something like this.

I’d much prefer to be living in separate households.

The more it goes, the more I realise how deep misogyny runs. And how easy it is for men and women to fall into that pattern.
esp as I’m getting older, I dint want to be assumed that ill be the nurse on tap as well as the maid/Holder of the mental load etc….

This is my relationship also after being married some 18 years and then being a single mum bringing up my teenagers who are now all grown up and left home.
I have been seeing someone for 18 months and he would jump at the chance for us to live together but goes along with my wishes I think.
I can be quite sociable but like to close the door, be on my own to recharge and have space to myself. In later life and having gone through very difficult financial hearings with my ex I now own my own home and have no wish to tie up my finances with a man in any way.

This is our relationship. I have seen that living apart is becoming a trend among couples in a second marriage etc, but we are in our 30s and this is our first marriage.

We did live together until last year but honestly, the decision to stay married but live separately has saved our relationship. We're fortunate enough to be able to afford to do this (just!) as I know it's so common for people to stay trapped in unhappy relationships purely for financial reasons.

People may think it's a waste of money but in my opinion, it's a small price to pay for my sanity, and our relationship has never been happier. We have young children but are open with them and they are happy with the arrangement.

Best thing I've ever done!

I’m in my mid 40s and haven’t lived with anyone since my student days. I’ve therefore lived alone for over 2 decades and I absolutely love it. I will never live with someone. I’m a quiet, private, introverted person by nature and while I can be very sociable I also need down time to just recharge. I love solitude and silence, I thrive on them. I frequently might not even have tv or music on for days on end, and it wouldn’t cost me a thought.

A number of gentlemen callers meet my needs, with one allowed stay overnight occasionally, but I always yearn for my own space back when that happens!

I absolutely relate to all of this.

@sammylady37 I was late in my life when I was first able to live alone.It was a great experience, things did not go missing. I would get back from work and the place was clean, and it was possible to relax.
I have had it like that with a some housemates, but it was certainly rare.

This made me laugh- my oh has a clothes chair in his house😂

Well- this has been a real eye opener. I was suspecting some would says yes- but so many. I have also been asking at work and the vast majority would say they would jump at the chance or don’t intend to live with their OH.

I think it sounds less horrific if you consider that people would rather have their own place rather than housemates. My experience matches most on here (though I am a straight man which makes me a little suspicious).

I'm late 40s, divorced with DC and a lovely partner with his own DC. I have no desire to move in together and blend families. I love my home and having my own space. Very happy to be living apart together for the foreseeable, or at least until our kids leave home (they're currently primary age) and even then I'm not sure!

This is me although I can't find anyone to be in a relationship with 😂 I'm 36 and a single parent to 2 dc, I don't want more kids, don't want a blended family, don't want to move an unrelated male into my household. My life is pretty busy, so I don't have to consider anyone else if I forget to load the dishwasher that's on me, doesn't inconvenience anyone else. I also really value my downtime when the dc are at their dads, I can watch what I want on tv, don't have to tell anyone where I'm going. I also don't want anyone else other than the kids getting hold of my money unless it goes on care home fees eventually. I'm going to get a dog instead.

This is a consequence of society telling women they can "have it all", but now we are expected to earn half the household income (or more), but still expected to do the lion's share of childcare, cooking and housework. Clean up after another person? No ta!

Cadburyegg you have got your head screwed on. . Good for you.

I would love living on my own. Just so much to entangle to get there.

Yes, when I was married, I had a long running fantasy about winning the lottery, buying two semi-detached houses (or a massive country pile depending on how large the win!) and having a side each with a gate in the back garden!

Same as the majority goes for me. My ex just moved out finally ( or contributing much financially and overall somewhat annoying). I'm loving it. I have a new man, but there's no way I'll ever let someone live with me again.

Also, sex for me dies soon after I live with someone. keeping the romance alive is a lot easier without minor irritations.

Im from a country where this type of living apart together is common, so I've never felt like my preference to live apart was special or different.

@Sweden99

you are right, it is more about living on your own and not a man bashing thread ( well in my opinion anyway)

It is good to hear a man’s point of view on this aswell

Absolutely

I split up from my ex-husband 10 years ago and now that my children have flown the nest, I live alone. I wouldn't have it any other way! It's just lovely and peaceful and I have my home exactly how I want and it's (mostly) kept tidy. I like paying my own bills and not having to rely on anyone else's word, I would never entangle myself financially with a partner ever again. The only person I can trust 100% is me.
I've had 3 relationships since and I liked the fact they had their own homes and we would spend part of our free time together and the rest of the time doing our own thing separately. It worked out very well.
'Apartners' is the modern term for couples that live apart and it is certainly a growing concept, especially in middle-age. Women appear to want this set-up more than men but then women seem to cope much better living alone as they're more used to the life-admin and all the domestic stuff.

I spend half of my time on the relationships board saying to myself 'why did you let him move in so quick'? I swear most of the problems would be easier to resolve if people were more careful about moving in so quickly. Every day there's a thread where the op let an abusive man/cocklodger/coke addict move in and she can't work out how to get rid of him. I often say you can have a relationship without living together.
I also refused to live with boyfriends, DH is the first partner I've lived with and that's because we had a baby, the first 5 years we were together were great as we lived in separate countries.