Given a choice, I wonder whether a lot of women would prefer to live on their ‘own’ whilst remaining in a relationship?

[BigButtons]

Many of my friends ( marriages/ long term relationships now over) won’t countenance living with a partner again. They are happy to be in relationships but don’t want to share a house on a full time basis.
just wondering whether lots of women feel this way?

This is something I'm thinking about right now.

I love DP dearly, and I thought that the next 'logical' step was to move in together.

Except- he snores, and works shifts. And I've always been very bad at sleeping, and have spent many a night lying awake even if he's not in the bed. If he's there I feel resentful that I can't do my own thing in case I wake him.

Plus I can't move house as ds2 is going into GCSEs now, then A levels, and I'm not prepared to jeopardise his chances.

And, if I'm brutally honest- I don't think I want to share the telly zapper, or give up space for all his things...

I'll wait until ds2 heads off to uni and think again then.

@Bowbobobo, it was a one off. There has been the occcasional shoves when there is a mood swing and of course I am asleep so not able to calm her down.

That doesn’t sound great @Sweden99. Mood swings are one thing, ‘shoving’ someone is another. I hope you’re ok.

This is by far the best relationship I have ever been in.

I think there is a danger in reading Mumsnet that you end up thinking that relationships are all about women working a job, taking on all the housework and helping men through their struggles. Of course, reality is typically a lot more mixed!

It is interesting that this is more a norm abroad. Perhaps I was just suckered into the notion of a happy ever after with roses round the front door when I finally met a decent man.
There is conflict between this ideal and what I think I want with what I could actually tolerate.
somehow I have equated living with a man to being finally grown up.
When OH was between a house sale and purchase a couple of years ago he moved in with us for about 2 months. I was terrified but actually liked having him around in the end and was sad when he moved out-and appreciated having someone to share the household crap with.
Of course he was living in my house and playing by my rules. He probably hated it 🤔.
I would also quite like to get married . I have no idea why as I have never been married and have never wanted to either. Maybe it’s just my age (56)?

Absolutely yes to this,

@BigButtons, before I was married (and around 40), I would occasionally get a remark that my being happily single was selfish and immature. It does tie in with what you are saying.

Could be. Possibly just a subconscious pressure to do something that I believes validates me as a person. Possibly also wanting someone to love me enough to marry me and make that commitment. I dunno🤷🏻‍♀️

Me! I will never live with another man again!

I love having my own home, I decorate and furnish it exactly how I want. I do not pick up or sort out someone's else's mess.

I particularly love quiet alone time evenings. A lovely supper and the TV.

Having my own home brings me so much peace.

This!!

I'd love to be in a relationship but live separately.

No I wouldn't want to live apart from DH.

29 years together and I still feel better when I hear him coming through the front door.

We are definitely best friends and would be lost without each other. I can even forgive his dodgy taste in ornaments 🤣.

I think the point about picking up someone else's mess is key.
Somehow, our own mess just does not bother us as much and I say that as a tidy person.
I was married previously and caused great upset by leaving kitchen cupboard doors open and had no time for the complaint from someone who would never lift a finger to clean or tidy at all.

I'm pondering this at the moment. i had the house to myself (well and dd) for 6 years. I'm now in a relationship where we each have our own place and stay with each other whenever neither of us have our kids. I absolutely love the time with him, and have been surprised that i don't feel a need for time by myself. But i do wonder if that will change with time ... given our kids ages I would not expect us to move in for a while yet, but i do sometimes wonder if when that time comes i'll baulk at it.

@BigButtons

Nothing wrong with wanting to live with someone as long as you both keep your houses, at least then if something goes wrong you have somewhere to go and in the back of your mind you will always know that

Never give up / sell your home for any relationship

Sounds amazing

DH works away so I get a taste of this every week. I like the on /off routine.

After 30 years it's great, but I'll never live with anyone else.
I hear the single men at work, older men get some weird ideas of how women think. And honestly at my age I couldnt be arsed to impress anyone.
My divorced and remarried BIL is alway in need of a 'nurse with a purse' he always needs a housekeeper and someone to hold up a mirror so he can watch himself do his hobbies. Can't cope without the praise whether he's making a cup of tea or fixing some guttering, someone always has to be there.

Yes, absolutely!

Not sure Frieda Kahli and Diego were quite the role models we seek. He had an affair with her younger sister, she left and I think only returned because her health deteriorated quite badly.
She was just 22 when they married, he was nearly 43.
Her art always feels quite abused, quite controlled, but their relationship tends not to be explored too much at exhibitions.

I can resonate with this.. looking after children is easier than looking after a grumpy critical spouse...he's really hard work... First I was upset at split and lonely...sometimes I get lonely but life is so much more peaceful and no arguments except when I still on occasions see my spouse.. I don't think I'll ever want to share my life with a man again in the same house

Been married 20 years, we separated (my decision) after my dad died. Grief/bereavement gave me the 'strength' to change things/try & fix things.
We had a few rocky months but were still very enmeshed & he really wanted to make it work (I was bereft at losing dad/couldn't think straight). 3 years later - we're still very much together/do everything together & he "sleeps over" @ mine 99% of the time. But am too risk-averse for him to give up his house as some of the 'old' behaviours sre still around/I'd now feel trapped
We do love & support each other, make plans for all the time, so feel very much married - with a bit of space domestically

This might be just me, but I still prefer living together.
The place is a lot messier than it would be. It is not possible to relax when I come in but instead I will do that at work. There are a lot more demands to offer reassurance and the focus has to be on their feelings and to a certain extent hide my own.
But after living on my own happily, I was also happy to have someone move in. Life was almost too easy and I was doing voluntary work to fill the gaps. Living on my own was like being on holiday, but sometimes you want to go to work.

I love this. You're giving me courage to do the same.

No it just wouldn’t appeal to me anymore for lots of reasons already stated on here.

Been there done that and my priorities have changed as I’ve got older.

Not a woman but I'm trying to diplomatically state the case to my girlfriend that moving in together is a bad idea. If any of you have tips on how to do this that would be much appreciated!