My fault or his? Should I still go on a date with him?

[WitheringTights000]

Hi all,

Just an OLD one. I don't know I'm being oversensitive about this or not.

Matched with someone on OLD. Very handsome, very funny in messages. 15 years older than me though. I am in his city every week for work. It's 2 hours away but much bigger and livelier than where I live.

He asked if I could let him know the days each week I'm down in his city so he can book a nice dinner in advance etc.

Over Xmas We also had briefly talked about dating experiences so far/dates we had been on/going on.

I mentioned in this convo that I was due to go out with a rugby player (professional rugby/rugby union, so very well known team)

A week later he texted me to wish me a happy new year. Said he was looking forward to taking me out for dinner etc.

We were talking and I asked him what age his previous gf was ( I was curious as there is a 15 year age gap between him and I)

He said 43 ( only 2 years younger than him) and then said 27,23 , order of previous.

I said I thought 23 with 45 was a bit gross and he said

'Gross how so? Gross like being a wannabe footballers wag,'

Then he said 'selling her body for a claim to fame'

I said ' yea I do think it's gross a 23 year old with a 45 year old'

And he said that's your problem not mine,

I replied to the 'selling her body' comment and said 'who is that directed towards'

And he said 'it's what football wags do, rugby wags are the same'

I said 'ahh so that's a dig at me then'

Then he put a gif/meme of a pile of money!

That's it nothing since, obviously not overly nice of him to say....but was it my fault?

At the end of the day, it's not really my place to pass comment on his previous relationships! Perhaps I overstepped the mark?

What do you think? Should I send a message to break the ice/make a joke out of it?

I'd give the whole thing a miss. You judged him and don't even know him yet.
He responded petulantly.
No one looks good here.

Bullet dodged, IMO.

Avoid, unless you want to lose whatever self-respect you have! He sounds awful .

@Secondguess - yea when I read what he said i was like wtf. But then I thought, well maybe what I said to him was rude. I kind of called him gross. I don't have a right to comment on his previous relationships.

I wouldn't have commented on his previous relationships but I would also have ended all communication there by saying he just wasn't right for me.

Unless you are keen on a free dinner with someone 15 years older I would say RUN. A 45 year old who is dating women who are 20 years younger - unless they are a celebrity of some kind - and is on top of that boasting about it is a red flag in itself. This person is only interested in you because you are 15 years younger. Wait until you hit 40 and you would be replaced with a 30 year old!

@petticuliar - yea I did judge him. That's why I kind of thought oopppss shouldn't have said that, I've overstepped. Kind of thought it was my fault as he is just responding to something I said.

The gap might not be an issue now, but when you're 55 do you want to be caring for someone who's 70?
Of course you could have ill health first, but the chances are his age will show first.

@occhiazzurri - why run? Was it not kind of my fault? I did call him gross which is very rude! I don't think many people would take kindly to that!

He dates women 22 years younger. Just on that note I'd give it a big swerve.

@itsmyp4rty - yea I don't even know if there was a 22 age gap though when they dated

He said his gfs ages were 43,27 and 23 in order of previous. So the 23 year old could have been close to a decade ago.

I made the 'gross' comment without establishing facts. I think I'm just looking for every excuse to write people of at the moment.

You were rude to him, no wonder he reacted the way he did! You essentially called him gross, and implied that he was in some way a creep, are you surprised that he said what he said? Really? 🙄.

IMO it was him who had the lucky escape!

So he think's you're a gold digger and you think he's an old letch.

I think you were hoping you were the youngest one he'd dated.

He was hoping you were going to be impressed by him but trounced and negged him by saying you were dating a rugby player.

Very competitive.
It won't work.

You’ve had a lucky escape, OP. I know from experience these type of men.

Can’t believe women in their 20s go for such older men 🤷‍♀️ but that’s just me.

Does he really want to date you after what you said?

Do I understand this correctly that you've matched with an attractive, funny guy but not met him yet, and in your chats with him you told him you were going out on a date with a rugby player?

Relationships aren't about who's to blame. They're about how you feel. How does he make you feel, since this happened? How did he make you feel during that conversation.

With regard to whether or not you're being oversensitive, who decides what the correct level of sensitivity is for you? There must be one, if you can be above it, musn't there?

The whole thing is ridiculous and petty.

I don’t think you should be telling a potential date about other dates you're going on. I think you were inappropriately rude, he fired back by being even ruder.

I think you put this down to experience, be more tactful in future and delete this one. And realise a man 15 years your senior is probably not a great bet and almost certainly chasing younger women than you.

I wouldn’t even consider staying in touch let alone dating this one.

I think I'm just looking for every excuse to write people of at the moment

Why? Analyse yourself before you start analysing other people.

You sound perfect for each other.

You were rude to him and he reacted because he obviously felt insulted. If you do like him could you reach out to apologise and see how he reacts to the apology? Or if your not interested just leave it

He said that women like you sell their bodies, and then sent a GIF showing a pile of money. So he basically called you a gold digging whore.

Plus he was rude and nasty.

So YES a million times over you should not go on a date with him. I think you're insane to consider it!

@HalloumiGeller - I know I was rude to him, but hey, I can admit when I'm in the wrong and offer apology! That's why I'm saying I think his remarks were just a retaliation of me calling him gross, i overstepped.

Even if you can see where you went wrong, haven't his replies given you a useful insight into him? Aka the ick!

@Abergale - probably not lol 🥴

@SamW98 - I didn't just randomly mention another date I was going on. It was because he said ' have you had any luck/actually been on dates yet, or is it just the usual awful match, 'hey, how are you' dating app nonsense' ...and then said he had been on a few dates with nice women and was due to go on another....so is it not fair I responded and mentioned my upcoming date as he did ask?