My fault or his? Should I still go on a date with him?

[WitheringTights000]

Hi all,

Just an OLD one. I don't know I'm being oversensitive about this or not.

Matched with someone on OLD. Very handsome, very funny in messages. 15 years older than me though. I am in his city every week for work. It's 2 hours away but much bigger and livelier than where I live.

He asked if I could let him know the days each week I'm down in his city so he can book a nice dinner in advance etc.

Over Xmas We also had briefly talked about dating experiences so far/dates we had been on/going on.

I mentioned in this convo that I was due to go out with a rugby player (professional rugby/rugby union, so very well known team)

A week later he texted me to wish me a happy new year. Said he was looking forward to taking me out for dinner etc.

We were talking and I asked him what age his previous gf was ( I was curious as there is a 15 year age gap between him and I)

He said 43 ( only 2 years younger than him) and then said 27,23 , order of previous.

I said I thought 23 with 45 was a bit gross and he said

'Gross how so? Gross like being a wannabe footballers wag,'

Then he said 'selling her body for a claim to fame'

I said ' yea I do think it's gross a 23 year old with a 45 year old'

And he said that's your problem not mine,

I replied to the 'selling her body' comment and said 'who is that directed towards'

And he said 'it's what football wags do, rugby wags are the same'

I said 'ahh so that's a dig at me then'

Then he put a gif/meme of a pile of money!

That's it nothing since, obviously not overly nice of him to say....but was it my fault?

At the end of the day, it's not really my place to pass comment on his previous relationships! Perhaps I overstepped the mark?

What do you think? Should I send a message to break the ice/make a joke out of it?

*their

@Pinkbonbon - that's hilarious! Why do men lie about their age so much? Like is there a need for it? I guess to try and get as young as possible

Oh yes. My mates nasty bullying pisshead ex is on every dating app going claiming to be 56 - funny that I was at his 60th in 2021

One of my dates mentioned in passing a mutual acquaintance that he’d been in same class at school with - date said he was 53 but the mutual is 57/58.
The other said in his profile he was 53 but let it slip he turns 60 this May. I mentioned it and he says it must have been a typo but his user name is actually his name 1970 hmmm

I actually had a guy who insisted he was 6 ft despite only being a couple inches taller than me (I’m 5’7) and told me I must have my height wrong 🤣

He was jealous because you said you had a date with a professional rugby player. I'd have maybe kept that one quiet!
Neither of you come across great, but he was worse by a long way! It brought out an ugly side to him when you might still be open to meeting - and being attracted to - others.
And yes, it is gross going out with a woman young enough to be his daughter.

@SamW98 - I'm sitting sort of laughing at all of this....but in a way it's not funny, it's very sad!

I always wanted to marry but no doubt never well as It seems to only be arseholes left!

There's many good men on OLD, problem is your bar, it's low, hence you end up with ass-holes. Anyone with a healthy self esteem would have block this douche who asked you details of other dates then proceeded to call you a prostitute, for some reason you believe you provoked him and entertained a date. Before continuing OLD dating you need to work on your self-esteem and boundaries, otherwise OLD is going to be a painful and time wasting uphill road.

You are still quite young, stop panicking and take your time to pick a decent partner, I think your picker is a bit off at the moment or maybe you need to thoroughly review your online profile and pics as that may be the reason why you are attracting assholes

@beatrix1234 - yes you are right. I'm just not sure how to work on my self esteem. I know some say therapy, but I went to one before and I found her irritating so packed it in lol

Why are you bothered about a man you have never met. Just move on and learn from it.

There are online therapists that you can switch if you don’t like even after one session, maybe give that a try

Also try joining something like park run, I know someone who met a guy through that, it’s also good for you and may help you with your self esteem
OLD can be soul destroying, well at least I found it so

This.

I wouldn't go on the date. Yes you may have been blunt / rude with your comment (although I agree with it) but rather than tell you that was rude, he came back with a much bigger insult. And the fact it was a reference to a previous conversation tells you that he had that on his mind and had been thinking that you're the gold-digging 'WAG' type. Why else would he come out with that?

If nothing else, it tells you how disagreements with him would go. TBH, someone calling me a whore before even date 1 would mean there never was a date 1.

Rejecting men (people) who insult you and understanding you are worth more than that will boost your self-esteem. Taking actions which are good for you and rejecting things which you know deep down are not good for you (even if another part of you wants it) will also boost your self-esteem and self trust.

Repeatedly choosing paths which are not good for you will damage your self esteem.

@huggyhoo - yes that's true. For some reason, since I was a teenager....I have definitely gravitated towards arseholes...and it does affect self esteem.

I'm framing this.