My fault or his? Should I still go on a date with him?

[WitheringTights000]

Hi all,

Just an OLD one. I don't know I'm being oversensitive about this or not.

Matched with someone on OLD. Very handsome, very funny in messages. 15 years older than me though. I am in his city every week for work. It's 2 hours away but much bigger and livelier than where I live.

He asked if I could let him know the days each week I'm down in his city so he can book a nice dinner in advance etc.

Over Xmas We also had briefly talked about dating experiences so far/dates we had been on/going on.

I mentioned in this convo that I was due to go out with a rugby player (professional rugby/rugby union, so very well known team)

A week later he texted me to wish me a happy new year. Said he was looking forward to taking me out for dinner etc.

We were talking and I asked him what age his previous gf was ( I was curious as there is a 15 year age gap between him and I)

He said 43 ( only 2 years younger than him) and then said 27,23 , order of previous.

I said I thought 23 with 45 was a bit gross and he said

'Gross how so? Gross like being a wannabe footballers wag,'

Then he said 'selling her body for a claim to fame'

I said ' yea I do think it's gross a 23 year old with a 45 year old'

And he said that's your problem not mine,

I replied to the 'selling her body' comment and said 'who is that directed towards'

And he said 'it's what football wags do, rugby wags are the same'

I said 'ahh so that's a dig at me then'

Then he put a gif/meme of a pile of money!

That's it nothing since, obviously not overly nice of him to say....but was it my fault?

At the end of the day, it's not really my place to pass comment on his previous relationships! Perhaps I overstepped the mark?

What do you think? Should I send a message to break the ice/make a joke out of it?

Money versus youth, tale as old as time.

They call it a fair exchange.

Both of you know the score, yet you felt the need to point this out.

You shot yourself in the foot.

@ItsBeenRaining - how did I shoot myself in the foot?

Depends you can have a 45 year old who’s not very sexually experienced and a 23 year old who is. I think 23 is an adult not a teen/adult.

You need to know more before you judge.

He has binned you off now so not worth dwelling on it.

It’s what you felt at the time. You expressed it. He expressed what he felt about you dating a rugby guy.

Move on and forget about it all.

He dated the 23 year old several girlfriends ago so unless he's incredible speedy or defies the laws of physics he wouldn't have been 45 when he dated her.

Well if I were to date say Mick Jagger, I would weigh up the advantages and realise that he had his pick of suitors, regardless of age.

I probably wouldn't had pointed out that he was a dirty old letch, that would be taken for granted and part and parcel of the fair exchange of wealth for youth.

You can't expect to play the game and also take the moral high ground.

If a man I was about to go on a first date with, told me he'd previously dated a girl in her early 20s and who was 20 years younger than him......I wouldn't have had a conversation about it, I simply wouldn't have dated him. Blocked. Moved on.

I think your rude, judgemental and if I had been him would have done the same and cut contact with you tbh

@ItsBeenRaining - yes I know, I get you, I overstepped and shouldn't of said what I said

@Ladyj84 - yes I know but at least I can admit it, I'm not above apologising and that's why I've been thinking of dropping him a message etc as I think it was me in the wrong

He sounds insecure and reactive. His attitudes show a misogynistic double-standard and the whole interaction makes him sounds like a ginormous fanny who can’t take any criticism.

You said you found his conduct gross, which was potentially unfair ( he might have been thirty when he dated the 23 year old, although he could just have said that) and you coming right out with that is arguably a bit rude (I don’t mind honesty but some people don’t like it).

But if he thought about his attitudes for a minute he’d realise he’s also a hypocrite, cos he’s already using what he does have (the illusion of sophistication and a bit of cash) to date as young as he can. Wonder who he’d date if he was a footballer?

That said, you seem regretful, so if you want to give it a whirl, what’s the worst that can happen? You ego-boost a chump and feel rejected

🙅‍♀️

He sounds awful. Just don't have anything more to do with him or anyone else who wants such a huge age gap.

Well it sounds like you regret insulting him, for whatever reasons this man seems appealing to you, he told you in no uncertain terms he doesn't like being judged for being with youger women.

These men understand society judges them but it's an unwritten rule that the partner never mentions it, and if they do it has to be in a favourable light.

Have you not figured men out yet op, they have very fragile ego's, bless em. 😂

Get with the programme.

That's in the normal world.

In the world of money and power these restrictions and rules very rarely apply.

You make your choices.

@ItsBeenRaining -

He didn't seem like the type to have a fragile ego as he seems pretty confident. But yes, I mean it was me who started it, I shouldn't have said what I did, but he did basically then call me a prostitute ( which I'm not!)

Honestly OP I would forget about a man who can so casually use misogynistic language.

It says a lot about his attitude to women in general imo.

@SamW98 - yea maybe I should, I was going to reach out and apologise, but maybe I'm being a soft touch then!

But I had no right to call him gross also!

I don't know I'm being oversensitive about this or not.
at this point i thought you should end it.

reading to the end and it would be a definite no to meeting him again.

How many 70 year olds do you know? I am 65 so know quite a few, none of them need a carer.

He doesnt like women. He thinks women are beneath him.

@Namerequired - sorry I just noticed your reply. What do you mean he was 'already holding that one in' to reply like that! Do you mean he was waiting on the opportunity to make a dig at me about the rugby player?

You were rude and judgemental - like you say, you don't even know his age when he was on relationships with those people. He responded with the same.

Forget it, why would you even bother now? You don't know each other, there's nothing to salvage.

He’s older than you, considerably, and he’s a neggy, insecure shit, preying on young women.

Run.

Yes. He was clearly threatened that you were going to date a big, muscly, young(er than him) man, who plays for a well known club. He was insecure and leapt at the opportunity to knock you down about it. Rank.

Yes you were in the wrong but the fact his language was misogynistic to me shows a general attitude towards women that’s not appealing.

It’s like when people use racist language- unless that attitude is just under the surface, that sort of insult wouldn’t even enter their heads.

Yes 100%