My fault or his? Should I still go on a date with him?

[WitheringTights000]

Hi all,

Just an OLD one. I don't know I'm being oversensitive about this or not.

Matched with someone on OLD. Very handsome, very funny in messages. 15 years older than me though. I am in his city every week for work. It's 2 hours away but much bigger and livelier than where I live.

He asked if I could let him know the days each week I'm down in his city so he can book a nice dinner in advance etc.

Over Xmas We also had briefly talked about dating experiences so far/dates we had been on/going on.

I mentioned in this convo that I was due to go out with a rugby player (professional rugby/rugby union, so very well known team)

A week later he texted me to wish me a happy new year. Said he was looking forward to taking me out for dinner etc.

We were talking and I asked him what age his previous gf was ( I was curious as there is a 15 year age gap between him and I)

He said 43 ( only 2 years younger than him) and then said 27,23 , order of previous.

I said I thought 23 with 45 was a bit gross and he said

'Gross how so? Gross like being a wannabe footballers wag,'

Then he said 'selling her body for a claim to fame'

I said ' yea I do think it's gross a 23 year old with a 45 year old'

And he said that's your problem not mine,

I replied to the 'selling her body' comment and said 'who is that directed towards'

And he said 'it's what football wags do, rugby wags are the same'

I said 'ahh so that's a dig at me then'

Then he put a gif/meme of a pile of money!

That's it nothing since, obviously not overly nice of him to say....but was it my fault?

At the end of the day, it's not really my place to pass comment on his previous relationships! Perhaps I overstepped the mark?

What do you think? Should I send a message to break the ice/make a joke out of it?

I can’t see why you think this man is potential relationship material, you weren’t nice to him, he wasn’t nice to you….move on, he also lives 2hrs away

Yes it was a bit rude of you saying “gross” for dating a much younger woman, I believe you should have kept the comment to yourself, this said… his response is very telling, extremely misogynistic, he really “took of his mask” when getting back at you. That response and the dating of much younger woman makes him have more red flags than a Russian convention. I would bin this one with a short polite excuse “my deepest apologies but I don’t think this is going to work out”. Bye!

@Bbq1 - I don't think what a said was acting like a teenager though ....blunt yes, but like a teenager no.

Him basically calling me an escort is way more childish than what I said

Calling you an escort is unforgivable, yes but by behaving like teenagers i mean the tit for tat and you telling him you were about to see a professional rugby player wasn't the best move. You don't sound a good match, he's been nasty towards you, doesn't seem like a catch so just block him. You can do better.

Looking at the bright side of things you being slightly rude got to see what his attitude towards women is and that’s a nice discovery that has saved you from misery. I see this as a win. Time to move on now.

@Bbq1 - I only told him because he asked if I had any dates and what their job was. I wouldn't have mentioned it otherwise.

I don't know why he has such a bee in his bonnet though about a rugby player! Like why would it bother him.

It bothers him because he sounds insecure. Had you come out with that “gross” comment to a confident man he wouldn’t have jumped at your throat with a childish misogynistic comment, he would have politely dismissed it and blocked you because he would have realizad he’s not interest in someone so judgemental.

The age gap is gross and he only proved why he dates people so young - women his own age won't put up with his shit. I mean the first time you have a disagreement he calls you a whore? Yeah you had a lucky escape. Let him run after teeny boppers, he'll only end up as the oldest swinger in town and very lonely.

I too like younger men, any man who calls me gross for that I would deem as judgemental and block him.

I think you should put this one to bed. You both insulted each other before even meeting, this can’t end well. But it’s probably not a big loss, you’ve already made up your opinion on him dating younger women, rightly or wrongly so, I’d just move on if I were you.

Why are you analysing this so much? It’s OLD, just talk to someone else.

The fact that you are even considering contacting a man who called you a prostitute is actually a bit worrying, tbh. Even if you ‘think you deserved it’ (which is also problematic, but we’ll leave that), why not just move on? You would genuinely go on a date with someone after that?! WHY?

@beatrix1234 - I would say your reasons for dating younger though aren't necessarily as shallow?

I feel like when men date younger women it's always only about looks or something shallow...but if a woman dates a younger man it's not always for as shallow reasons?

You don’t seem to be very bright, this man is not a match for you but you don’t seem to be able to see it
I also think you could be just looking for men who have some kind of status/ money otherwise you wouldn’t be interested
What is it about this man that you find attractive…..older with money?

@BlueGrey1 - he is a nice looking guy, so that's why I swiped on him. And then I thought he was very funny when chatting. I don't know if he is wealthy tbh! There haven't been any claims of wealth from his end

There are plenty of nice looking guys who aren’t a decade and a half older than you and haven’t called you a prostitute. Date them.

@LusaBatoosa - I know. But I didn't know he would call me a prostitute when we started speaking. He just seemed very very funny. Any guy who I have dated longer term has always had a great sense of humor, and that's what piqued my interest in them.

I can 100% guarantee he is not on Mansnet starting a thread and worrying about whether he was rude and owes you an apology.

please don’t give this guy another moment’s consideration.

I’m talking about now. He’s now called you a prostitute, you’ve had the unpleasant exchange. It’s done. I genuinely don’t get why you’ve not drawn a line under it and moved on.

We’ve all bumped into mr nice jokey good looking random OLD profile who turns out to be a dick after a few conversations, that’s not the issue, the issue here is that you’re considering a date With a man who called you a prostitute for going on a date with a rugby player. Bar needs to go way up OP.

What his initials, OP?

@beatrix1234 - yea I think I could work on myself more. My self esteem isn't great, I'm also a bit of a worrier and yea, I do think I accept crappy behaviour more than I should ... I'll have to work on that I guess.

@Findinlovee - his initials are 'K.A' - why does this person sound familiar? Haha

Absolutely. Not sure why you’re still giving headspace to a misogynistic idiot with a taste for women young enough to be his daughter.

You had a shitty exchange OP why keep going over it? Hes almost certainly on dating apps messaging women not giving you a second thought. Why bother?

My ex liked younger women and once called me a prostitute and is the same age as your guy. My advice: avoid like the plague.

@SamW98 - I know, as I said poor self esteem. I need to work on it. No doubt other women will get the nice treatment from him though. I seem to be a magnet for shitty behaviour.